Floor plan

Yesterday during Sunday school (I actually got to go! Amber stayed home from church with sick Jeff), our teacher said something that really struck me. She said "when Joseph Smith was restoring the gospel, the Lord didn't give him a complete floor plan at the beginning; he gave him pieces along the way, little by little, as they were needed." I don't remember the point of that statement (sorry) but when she said the floor plan, the word caught my ear and the spirit opened a broader understanding of things I have been gnawing on and learning over the past few months. It wasn't an epiphany full of new knowledge; a bunch of thoughts that have been jangling around my brain just clicked into place.

The essence of what came to my mind at the mention of floor plans is that the Lord gives us line upon line, here a little there a little in LIFE just like he does for gospel knowledge and understanding. We don't get a floor plan for the details of life--where we are going to live, what jobs we will have, what trials we'll face, what our kids will do. We do have the plan of salvation--the big picture--to guide us along, but we fill in the details of our personal life floor plan a little at a time. We journey along with faith, making choices and following spiritual promptings as they come, and slowly our "floorplan" is filled in as our unique journey progresses. We are "led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which [we] should do." (1 Nephi 4:6)

It's amazing how one phrase--floor plan--struck me in such a specific way. Normally people use the word blueprint instead of floor plan when they are talking about big plans, but the word floor plan was used this time, and it combined with recent events to bring specific thoughts to my mind. The housing market in Sunnyside is sluggish to say the least, with outrageously inflated prices and low quality houses for sale. Last month I did a bunch of research into the possibility of building a house and looked at a lot of floor plans in the process. For about two weeks we really felt good about building a house this summer. The plan was to rent a small apartment in Sunnyside while building. Then we moved a little further along in our journey and received new ideas and inspiration that instantly felt right--better than building a house this summer.

Two weeks ago Jeff alerted his friends in the Sunnyside Ward that we were looking for a rental (because we thought we'd rent while building a house). The rental market around here is highly competitive with the good places only available through word of mouth--they go too fast for official listings--so we knew we'd need help if we wanted a good rental. A few days later, I got a text with the contact info of a ward member who had a house for rent. An entire house!?! I contacted them immediately. It turns out that some other people had filled out the paperwork to rent the house but backed out at the last minute. The next day the home's owner heard we needed a house (through the ward). The timing was perfect. Everything about the situation says divine intervention to me, and I feel so humbled, grateful, and loved.

The bishop of the Sunnyside Ward met with us and showed us the rental house (the house belongs to his son), and from the minute I walked in the front door, I felt GOOD. Jeff and I were both almost giddy with relief and GOOD vibes. While we walked around the quirky little country house, we were amazed that it had everything we hoped for in a house (minus a roomy kitchen). It's not fancy or perfect, but it is exactly what we need. It is also far better than we thought we'd be able to find in a rental. Immediately we both knew that this was the place, and we were surprised to feel so comfortable about renting long term. It was such a peaceful, restful feeling--no more stress and rush, looking at houses/building houses and trying to talk ourselves into them. Now we can take our time finding a house to buy, even if it takes a couple of years! We have time. There's no rush. Those are such calming words after a month of stressful scrambling.

I am the type who likes to have a PLAN--a completed floor plan--and it is hard for me to live with faith over fear when there aren't perfectly prepared plans in place. When we signed the contract to sell our house, closing on May 30th (before the end of the school year), it was a huge leap of faith because we didn't have anywhere to live besides my parents in-law's house (bless them for the offer). But the decision felt right, so we took the leap of faith, lived through a month with an uncertain future home, and now we have landed in a near-perfect situation in Sunnyside, without the transitional living-with-parents phase.

So we viewed and claimed the rental house immediately, signing the lease and paying the deposit on May 1st. Suddenly everything was REAL and our clock in Grandview started ticking down fast! Before the rental house was in the picture, we didn't have a solid move-out date from Grandview, since Jeff's parents live there. That all changed in a day! We are officially moving to Sunnyside on Memorial Day weekend, on May 27th. We get the keys to our rental house on May 15th and plan to ferry smaller stuff over during the days leading up to our big moving day. I am swamped with prepping our Grandview house for its pending sale--scheduling the electrician and roofing guy to do repairs, getting a paint match and touching up some exterior peeling paint, etc. And of course normal life is chugging along too, with piano lessons, AMBER, soccer practice, church, book club, running, Jeff coaching at high school track meets till all hours of the night, etc. We start packing next week!

Then there is the slow-burning emotional attachment I have to Grandview, our big white house behind the high school, and the life we have created here. We have lived in our Grandview house for five whole years. That's half of our marriage! And we've lived in Grandview for seven years total! This move is a big deal and a big change. Nostalgia strikes sporadically, and I find myself taking pictures of the most boring everyday things (more than usual--ha): the kids sitting at our beloved kitchen counter, the way the sunrise looks through my bedroom window, you get the idea. But however normal these scenes are right now, they are about to be completely in the PAST.

The idea of receiving LIFE line upon line is another way to say "it's the journey that matters, not the destination." If we hadn't put our house on the market and sold it, we wouldn't have looked for a house in Sunnyside. If we hadn't looked unsuccessfully for a house in Sunnyside, we would not have investigated building. If we hadn't considered building a house, we would not have pursued renting a home so soon. Etc. etc. etc. We were led by the spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which we should do. One line at a time. It is good to have a destination in mind for our moving journey.

It is so easy to get comfortable and be used to doing things a certain way. Moving disrupts all of that. But here in the middle of all these anxious preparations, I can look back on all of the events and inspirations that have led us this far with peace and know that moving forward on this path is the right thing for our family.

Deep breath in. Exhale. Onward!

Our next White house.

The garage door is automatic! #upgrade

The house is on the edge of this big canal--yikes! I bought Amber a leash this week.

I never thought we'd live in the country, but I am looking forward to it--as if I need any fuel to my hermit-ish nature.

Now, for a bunch of random happy everyday pictures:

Sunrise through my bedroom window. I like to get up, go to the bathroom, open the shades, and sit up in bed to read my scriptures first thing in the morning. Sunrise is at the perfect time right now so I can usually watch it while I read.

Recently I have started reading from paper scriptures part time instead of the Gospel Library app. There is something so solid about real books. I can hold all of those words in my hands like treasure.

Slowly the visitors trickle into my bedroom...

...then I am booted from my own bed.

Rose got ready extra early one morning last week so she could have some art time before school. Amber watched very closely.

As long as Amber doesn't try to draw on Rose's paper, Rose is the most patient big sister, letting her crowd in for a closer look.

Family prayer usually happens in the car right before we leave for school on weekdays.

Amber, the messy little bookworm

She likes to line things up.

Chatbooks are the best!

Yogurt face! We call it Yog for short, pronounced y-oh-g

One morning Amber got all of the Golden Books into a stack and methodically went through each one, page by page, placing finished books on a separate stack. She alternates between these endearing, calm, legal activities and raiding the fridge and painting with yogurt and hiding butter in the toaster oven.

I packed up well over half of the toys when we first put the house on the market, leaving mostly just books upstairs. Amber was 100% ok with that.

Amber has been reluctant to take naps lately so I have taken to wearing her out in the great outdoors on days I really need her to take a nap. Last week we hunted sage rats behind the bleachers in the soccer field out back.

These creepy little creatures got used to us in no time. I had to drag Amber away before they let her pet them. My toes curled every time they popped their tiny heads out of the hole, and Amber shrieked in delight.

Another energy-using plan: play at the park

It works! Zzzz

With all of the me vs. her combat, it's nice when she's in a good enough mood to snuggle with me for a few minutes before she heads off to her next destructive project.

Sometimes I forget to unlock the back door in time for the kids to get home from school. Sometimes they race home. On days where these two events coincide, the door shakes when they crash into it and start tugging on the locked handle. It'll be a miracle if we move out of this house before the kids destroy the place! Amber yanked the family room curtains straight out of the wall last week.

Sweet Amber, hugging her crying big sister. I'm pretty sure Amber was the one who made Rose cry (hair pulling, hitting, teasing, and stealing are all Amber-specialties), but a stern reminder from the mama had Amber gently comforting Rose.

Everything's better when Daddy's home!

Walking out of piano lessons. Rose loves Sister Cook's flowers.

I have completely succumbed to turning on a movie for Amber to watch while strapped into her carseat during piano lessons. She watches so intently that she hardly blinks and her eyes get all watery. Intensity should've been Amber's middle name. It's a relief to keep her strapped down during piano lessons.

I love it when Jay comes home from school brimming with stories, facts, and news.

After I scored a stack of 50 cent books at the local PEO rummage sale last week, the kids enjoyed cold chocolate milk after school snack while checking out the new reading material.

On Saturday morning, Amber hoisted a stack of books into my bed, sat on my feet, and started reading.

Jeff is the favorite seat at family movie night. These kids have missed having him around as often as usual during this long track season.

Amber gets jealous whenever Jeff and I get too close.

Sweet Jay brought me breakfast in bed at 6:15am last Saturday. He said "I know you're tired from the long week and I wanted to save you energy." I gave him a sideways hug while I groggily tried to wake up. Cute boy.

Another morning, another Rose-meltdown. It's exhausting. The meltdowns are unpredictable--it can be over piano frustrations, Amber-irritation, hair brushing, inability to find the perfect clothes, or any other large number of things. Lately I have been emotionally drained by 8am!

Long Sunday mornings with Daddy all to themselves.

Coaching track at all hours wears Jeff out, but he patiently lets the kids climb all over him, talking, questioning, and prodding.

Rose agreed to take a nap with him.

Amber poked him in the face while Jay read him excerpts from his World War II library book.

The boys, playing Civilizations together. Jay LOVES this time with his dad.

Amber loves to destroy and defeat me completely:

My life.

Dude!

Soccer 2017: April version

Soccer season is halfway done. It started on April 11th. The weather has been flying all over the place--often literally, with the strong winds we've had, and sitting on the sidelines during two soccer nights each week has become something of an extreme sport/exercise in wilderness survival. Rain, thunderstorms, high winds, and cold have all made their appearances in an endless cycle, determined to find their way past my jacket and into my ears, and it looks like we will experience some heat this week. In spite of the wonky weather Jay and Rose never seem to get discouraged, even in the pouring rain on a 50 degree day. That's probably a good thing, because my stiff, chilled, wet body was looking for any excuse to get OUT of there during the bad weather days.

The kids love soccer! Rose wasn't sure if she was going to play this year, but Jay definitely wanted to. When I told Rose that she could be on the same team as Jay since they are in the same 6-8 age group this year, she agreed to sign up as well. (to my relief--sitting on the boring sidelines with both Amber and Rose would be rough). Like last year, Rose still kind of floats along after the team, only occasionally engaging in scuffles for the ball. She's a tall thin fairy, wafting along the field. Ever the intellectual player, Jay is always analyzing the field and trying to get to the place where the ball will most likely end up. The league plays 7 kids per team at a time during games, and with only 10 kids on the team, Jay and Rose have gotten a lot of playing time.

Here are a few moments from the season so far:

Moment #--Frugality: The day of the first soccer practice I realized we had no soccer socks or shin guards in the right size, so I dashed to the nearest store (Walmart) to find some gear. If I got Jay and Rose each two pairs of soccer socks and a set of shin guards each, I would have spent $50! No way no how. The entire soccer sign up fee was only $15 per kid, and they would grow out of the stuff by next year. So I got creative. I found one set of shin guards at Goodwill for $4, then the budget-friendliest set at Walmart for $5. Then I grabbed a 10-pack of men's tube socks from the sock section for $8. Tube socks don't have a heel bump in the back, so they work great for kids soccer socks! I felt like a budget ninja when I paid my $17 for two kids' worth of soccer gear. Jay and Rose are perfectly happy with their ramshackle socks. They put their shin guards on top of the socks and fold the extra inches of sock down over the top in a funny half-and-half look. But hey, they're satisfied and the shin guard requirement has been met and that is that.

Moment #2--Rain: one day at practice it poured the entire time. The kids wore rain jackets and were happily running around the squishy grassy field. Amber and I had rain jackets on too, but she insisted on hugging my legs every 2 minutes, and my legs did not have a rain jacket, so I got wet and COLD. After about 20 minutes I gave up and took Amber back to the van to sit in dry warmth till practice finished up. But I didn't have to wait that long because a few minutes later, Jeff showed up and offered to trade places with me! So I drove the car he borrowed back to his parents' house, and arrived home a warm 20 minutes before the rest of the wet crew. It's the little things.

Moment #3--Thunderstorm: the first game was called off halfway through due to lightning. (a rarity around here) Before the cancellation, Jay had a slightly messy potty emergency and we spent a long time in the bathroom dealing with that. By the time we finished and headed back out to the fields, the game had been cancelled. It felt like a snow day off of school to me--such a relief! Hah, I am so not a true-blue soccer mom at all!

Moment #4--The Suave Mama: Jeff has been tied up at track practice during all soccer nights, so I have been flying solo. I quickly figured out the smoothest way to handle three tired kids. I whip up a quick dinner (like hot dogs) and the kids eat it in the car on the way to soccer. When soccer finishes at 6:30pm, we drive straight home and get ready for bed. In the past we have tried waiting till after soccer to have dinner, but that just gets crazy with over-tired, uber-hungry kids. I feel so accomplished whipping out dinner and consolidating the evening.

Moment #5--The Team Name: After practice the night before their first game, Coach Juan had the team brainstorm ideas for a team name. The kids really got into it, throwing out well over a dozen ideas, from The Champions all the way to The Bunnies (via Rose). Then he went through the long list and had them all vote on each name. Coach Juan let the kids vote for as many names as they wanted, and the entire soccer field complex was empty by the time we got out of there with the team name narrowed down to three ideas (Thunder, Champions, and Bunnies I believe they were). The final vote was for The Champions. It was funny listening to all of the name ideas that they picked out, but I was about to explode with impatience from standing around ten minutes after practice finished with an exhausted Amber clinging to my kneecaps. Not every family has a 7pm bedtime, I guess.

Moment #6--Little Miss Impossible: Amber wants to play soccer too. She likes to wear Rose's old soccer t-shirt from last year on game days, even though it comes down to her knees. She likes to run onto the field, while the team is playing, skirting my grasping fingers like the expert escape artist she is. During last week's game, I gave up and let her go. She ran after the team for a little while, then ran back to me, beaming. She repeated that at least 4 times. Part of me hoped she'd get knocked over by the mass of kids chasing the soccer ball, just so she'd understand why I didn't want her out there! But she never got close enough for that. Later during that same game I was trying to keep her off the field and she slipped through my fingers, dashed onto the field, and laid down on her back in the grass defiantly while the soccer game continued downfield. It was equal parts maddening and hilarious. Where does this willful defiance come from? When Amber is not trying to join the team, she is wandering around the giant plowed dirt field that borders the soccer area, digging, throwing, and relishing every dirty particle possible. That brings us to the next moment...

Moment #7--Dirt: aka, Little Miss Impossible, part II: At soccer practice yesterday, I sat in the grass on the sidelines reading while Amber played in the plowed dusty dirt furrows of the field next door. She tried giving me dirt and sprinkling it and grass bits onto me--a game she plays every soccer practice. I do not like this game, and have been teaching her over and over that it is not ok to throw grass and dirt at people. Normally I notice her approach and keep her at bay/give her a mini time-out by pinning her arms and leg. But this time I was reading a good book and Amber got the drop on me, sneaking up with two giant handfuls of dirt. She has really big hands for her age, by the way. She dumped the dirt straight down the collar of my jacket! It fell under my shirt and down into the gap at the back of my jeans into my pants and some even somehow got into my underwear! When I stood up in alarm, the dirt settled in the crotch of my jeans and in my jacket pockets. I was SO MAD and SO dirty! Maybe someday I'll look back and laugh about this, but in the moment (and now, a day later) there was ZERO amusement in my black, dirt-coated heart. I was already not in the mood to sit in the grass for an hour after a long day, but Amber made it ten times worse. I don't care if my kids play and get as dirty as they want, but I don't want to get covered in dirt too, especially down to my skin! It's itchy, for one thing. I picked Amber up and marched across the big wide field to the parking lot, where I met Jeff on his bike. One look at my face told him that his arrival was timed PERFECTLY. He said "what do I need to do?" Bless him for biking the extra 2 miles to soccer practice instead of straight home after track practice. He put his bike in the van and took Amber back to the grass while I sat in the car and called my mom to vent and complain about the dirt stuck all over me. My mom is so sympathetic and patient with my rantings and ravings, and I felt marginally better after our half hour phone call. AMBY!

Amber kept hugging Jay and Rose while they stood in line with their cute half-covered shin guards.

Amber and her little mini-me cousin Grayce.

Rose, pumped for her first soccer game of the season.

Warm and dry at home vs. the reality--wet and cold.

One of my ninja-mama dinners: I whipped up some pigs in blankets and slapped some applesauce and carrots into baggies and dinner was done! The applesauce baggies ended up being messier than I hoped. I thought they'd just squeeze the sauce into their mouths like those pouches from the store, but it kind of blobbed and spilled everywhere.

Don't let that sunshine fool you--the wind was strong enough to remove my ponytail and it was cold!

Game day under the foreboding thunderous sky. 

The little dirt-lover

That sky was NOT happy! And that wind was whipping. Still, Amber dug in the dirt.

Rose put her shin guards underneath her pants, and they made the already-loose-pants slip down alarmingly low on her tiny little booty. I spent the whole practice worrying that she was about to lose her pants completely!

Amber refuses to take naps 50% of the time right now, so by 6pm she is moody, moody, moody. She wanted IN that soccer practice!

Sideline selfie in a rare-but-happy non-combative moment. The wind was flapping my jacket hood so loudly I could hardly hear anything else.

Goofy kids in the wind and sunshine.

The number one fan

Amber, joining in the game.

Wind makes us all a little silly.

Before I dashed onto the field and picked Amber up by one arm and one leg, I snuck a picture. Do you see that stubborn lower lip??

Rose, busy "blooming" dandelions. The buds were closed, and she spread them open carefully, completely unconcerned with her team playing a game in front of her. Haha, that's my girl!

I love their sunshiny smiles!

During last week's game, Jay scored four goals--more than his three previous seasons combined! The tangle of kids on the field was so thick and Amber was so distracting that I didn't see a single one of his goals, sadly. The reality of soccer mom life: all that sitting/waiting and none of the glory.

Amber, in denial about how utterly impossibly exhausted she is.

Team meeting at half time for The Champions.

Three more weeks. We can do this.