One year…

Spring break officially began for our family this afternoon when Jeff and Jay got home from school. In spite of all the upcoming vacation excitement, I feel so tired. Breastfeeding + running - sleep = exhaustion. It's always worst at the end of the day. Tonight after the kids were finally asleep, I felt utterly sapped of my good essences and left with a whiny shell of a Shaina. About half an hour ago I was sitting on the couch feeling grouchy, tired, and sorry for myself. Then I had a realization: exactly one year ago, I was deathly prego-sick in the hospital with a tube in my arm delivering a constant fluid drip. I felt SO HORRIBLE, weak, and sick a scant year ago, and today I went on a 3 mile run. It's amazing what a difference one year can make. I am nowhere near my pre-Amber self yet, but at the same time I am so far from that emaciated dehydrated shell of a Shaina that checked into the hospital one year ago. There's nothing like a nice, hearty dose of perspective to yank me out of a pity party. Life is so GOOD. I love being able to live it, even if it is exhausting.

Now.

[Then.]

Now.

[Then.]

Now.

Worth it?

YES.

Glad it’s over?

YES.

Time to renew my resolve for patience?

YES.

Happy spring break!

Uptown Girls

In what is fast becoming a Friday tradition, the girls and I drove the 45 minutes to the Tri Cities to run some errands after we dropped Jay off at school this morning. Normally, I prefer to do all of my errands in one, maybe two trips into “town” per month (since it’s a bit of a drive) but I am still sleep deprived and out of shape and toting a baby and a 4 year old. It’s hard on all of us to go-go-go for more than a couple of hours. Hence the weekly trips. Jay gets out of school at 1:10pm on Fridays, giving us the perfect time frame: we arrive in town around 9:30am and leave by 12:20pm. Everybody wins: Rose and Amber don’t have to do too many boring errands and I don’t get too exhausted. Now that the boring explanatory intro is over, it’s time for the story.

Amber, being her cute self after I fed her in the back seat of the van. She’s such a good-natured smiley little traveler.

Hang on, just kidding—there’s a little more backstory: three weeks ago I took my violin bow to Music Unlimited (a shop in Richland) to get it re-haired. I finally called yesterday to check on it and they told me that they never got it done because the only guy who could do it was stuck in the hospital. Thanks for letting me know, guys! Not. So I’m out of luck, and I went first thing this morning to finally reclaim my sad saggy-haired bow. We got there at 9:40am and the shop didn’t open till 10. We had twenty minutes to burn, and we were deep in unfamiliar territory. I only know a few routes through the Tri Cities environs--the roads that take me to all my normal errands. I'm slowly expanding my knowledge of that area, but the music store was off my beaten path. It is located in a quirky old strip mall so we decided to walk along and check it out.

It was fascinating! There were so many locally owned little shops--no big chain stores at all along the whole long sidewalk. There was a store that sold only pet fish, called Fintastic, for goodness sakes! I thoroughly enjoyed myself while marveling that all of these dinky little shops could stay in business in this Target/Amazon age. Most of them weren't open for the day yet, so we contented ourselves to window shop at the many cute antique stores and other fun little nooks along the way.

My phone labeled the pictures I took as located in "Uptown Richland" and of course that got me singing Billy Joel in my head.

When we turned the corner, we found ourselves in front of a true gem: the Amber Rose Consignment Boutique. I mean. How perfect! Of course I had to pause and take a picture of my Rose and Amber in front of the sign. When I was finishing up, a lady opened the door and asked us if we wanted to come in. I explained the coincidence to her and asked if they were really open yet. She said she decided to open a little early when she saw us out front, so naturally I could not refuse her offer, and into the Amber Rose we went.

I was expecting a musty dingy room full of shoulder pads and stretched-out shirts, but instead I found a tidy, orderly little shop with sleek, fashionable outfits on display. It was awesome! The room was just small enough for me to feel comfortable letting Rose roam and browse to her heart's content. And boy does that girl have an eye for style! Every now and then she plucked a hanger off a rack and said "look at this, Mommy!" More than half of the times I showed her something, she said "oh," in an unexcited voice. HA! I have little to no sense of style and my four year old daughter knows it!

The clothes were quality brands, they somehow didn't smell musty, and they were arranged in an aesthetically pleasing way so I did not come down with my usual case of thrift store anxiety after the first 5 minutes in the shop. At length I realized that I might actually find something for myself to wear, and I started looking more carefully. My brother is getting married next weekend and my wardrobe is not what you'd call wedding-friendly. So this could be good, I thought.

After a few Rose-rejections, I finally landed on a dress we both liked. When I tried it on, it FIT! I rarely find clothes in stores because I'm 6 feet tall and it's not worth looking because nine times out of ten I need a tall size that stores rarely, if ever, carry. Tall sizes are usually online only, and they are expensive! So I don't have that many clothes that really fit. But this dress fit my broad shoulders AND long legs! A diamond in the rough! And it only cost $13. In order to settle my final fashion qualms, I texted a picture of the dress to my fashion-savvy sister Em and got her stamp of approval, along with some accessorizing advice.

The luck just kept coming--I found a jacket to go with the dress IN THE SAME STORE! For a mere $15! I could hardly believe it. I already had shoes and a scarf at home, so I purchased my $28 outfit and went back to the music store. Thrifty shopping is so satisfying! And I love the quaintness of a home-owned shop. Both the Amber Rose Consignment Boutique and Music Unlimited didn't even have cash registers--I got those yellow handwritten receipts from both. Sometimes it's easy to believe that if Amazon doesn't sell it, it doesn't exist, but our stroll today reminded me that's not true. It felt good to support local businesses and get a good deal at the same time!

I just had to share my fun find. I will definitely be going back.

PS There were a few of these amazing hangers scattered throughout the store. They made me like the it all the more: delightfully creepy but so fitting for the personality of the establishment!

The best family home evening ever

This weekend, Jay and Rose really wanted to wash our car. It was pretty dirty—in the year and a half since we got it I think it’s been officially washed once. Rain is nature’s cleanser, right? But really, our van needed a real wash; Jay had a point. Well we never got around to washing it over the weekend, so on the way home from church yesterday we had a family brainstorming session: I said “we can go to the car wash place for part of family home evening!” Jeff said “and we can go to Dairy Queen and have ice cream after!” and Jay said “and we can talk about spirit things in the car!” Way to go, Jay. You win. :)

  

So tonight was the night. We cleaned up the toys and had dinner done by 6pm. Somehow by the end of dinner, Amber was wearing a crown.

I was actually feeling quite exhausted after a long day with a cranky teething baby and a demanding four year old, but I really wanted to be happy and enjoy our plans. So I took a little break right before dinner, locked myself in the bathroom with the fan on loud and just SAT on the counter in the semi-quiet. Nobody was touching me or asking me things or crying for me. I gave myself five minutes of alone time to decompress, stare at the wall, and think calm thoughts. I said a little prayer for help and patience. Then I gathered the last shreds of my energy and faced the everything again. That did the trick. I managed to let go of my cranky tired blah-ness and goof off with the best of them, out on the town with my family.

Just over a mile from our house there is a coin-operated do it yourself car wash stand. Right next to it is a Dairy Queen. On the short drive over there, we forgot to “talk about spirit things”—oops! When we got there, the first booth we tried ate 3 quarters. The next booth was working, so we took turns plunking quarters into the slot. Jeff manned the hose and got to work. When I suggested this activity for FHE, I didn’t realize that the rest of us would just be watching him wash the car, but oh well! While Amber snoozed in her carseat, Jay and Rose had a grand time frolicking in the old parking lot and dodging the spray floating off of the van.

 

Six quarters only gave us 4minutes and 30 seconds of wash time—not nearly enough to get through the rinse, soap, scrub, and final rinsing of a big ole van. It didn’t help that every time we turned the dial to switch cycles (like from soapy water to rinsing water) it coughed and sputtered and took its jolly little time to start spraying again. It was kind of a junky car wash! The sign said we had to add more quarters before the 4 minutes ended so we were running all over the place gathering coins! Ha ha, I rummaged more quarters out of my wallet for one extra cycle of four minutes. Then Jay, Rose, and I had to dash to the Laundromat next door to get a few more quarters from the quarter machine there. Eighteen quarters later, we finally had a shiny clean vehicle (in spite of our less than shiny surroundings).

We clambered back into the van, drove 20 feet across the parking lot, and went into Dairy Queen, where a sign on the door informed us that the free small ice cream cones were all gone. We didn’t know they were serving free small ice cream cones for the 75th birthday of DQ! Oh well! It was funny to find out about the free ice cream after it was all gone, like a mean joke or something: “Hey! We had free ice cream but it’s gone now.” Ha ha ha.

Nothing says quality family time like overpriced fast food ice cream! We sat in the dingy little dining area and froze our tongues. While Jay was eating his ice cream, he said “this is the best family home evening ever!” I love how a dingy car wash and mediocre ice cream felt so special to him. I guess it doesn’t matter what we DO, as long as we’re doing it together. How’s that for a cheesy line?  Who cares! We love family time!

We took a family selfie (much to Jeff’s resigned chagrin, ha ha—never roll your eyes at the the family historian, I say) and drove the 4 minutes back home. On the way, we did remember to sing a song together but did not manage to “talk about spirit things” probably because the kids were too wired from the sugar. They each barely ate the top off of their sundaes, but boy were they rambunctious! It’s amazing how loud just two kids can be. Jeff and I looked at each other through the bedlam in the van, and then joined in the ruckus. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. We sang, squealed, and wiggled our way home.

Girls in white dresses

My brother Kyle is getting married at the end of the month—in two and a half weeks! Yesterday afternoon Rose wanted to play dress-up with me. All the recent wedding talk in our family inspired me to show her my wedding dress. I have not seen it since my wedding day because it has been sealed in a special box, so it was exciting to get it out! I have looked forward to showing my wedding dress to my daughter since before she was born. Yesterday I thought, why not now? So we unsealed the box and tried on the dress. It was fun!! The heavy silky fabric felt so real and solid and the flowy train was just as flowy and satisfying as I remembered it. There were just enough sparkles to satisfy Rose too.

 

Haha, nice box. This funny thing was inside another box so I had no idea what it looked like.

There is is! It was so strange to have had this box sitting around for so long and never even known exactly what it looked like inside. Exciting! Also a little creepy—a headless bride in a box kind of.

 

Laaa! Bells! It took a little reaching and tugging, but Rose helped me zip up the zipper and the dress still fit! It was snug, but laaa! I never had it hemmed to the perfect length so it was exceptionally long and decadent. I had to swoop up and down our long hallway a few times to fully luxuriate in it.

FLASHBACK, to the first time I tried on my dress:

I picked out the style of my wedding dress when I was a teenager. At a young women’s activity one night we made jars with our hopes/plans for the future in them, like wedding dress, temple, number of kids, etc. When I was engaged, I got online and found a dress that looked the most like my ideal dress in that jar. I measured myself, called my mom, and she ordered the dress for me. A few weeks later it came in the mail to my little modular apartment and laaaa! It fit. Kind of a miracle for a mail order dress, ha ha.

[The dress on the Big Day—December 20, 2006]

I can’t help but wonder if this dress will look funny in another 20 years or so, you know? It’s always so hard to say with fashion. But, along with every other bride, I choose to believe that my wedding dress is timeless. :)

 

Rose thought the train looked like Queen Elsa’s dress.

 

 

In spite of my tired sleep-deprived haze, it was such a giddy fun afternoon to swirl around in my wedding dress with my Rose.

Amber had a turn too. :)

I love white dresses. I love weddings. I can’t wait to go bask in the joy of another wedding: with Kyle and Alivia!

Cliché Day

I had so many mom-clichés going on in my day today, it was [almost] out of control! This is life right now. I'm not ashamed or apologizing! I'm not complaining, being sarcastic, or ridiculing mom-life—just keeping my nose above water and calling it like I see it:

1. This morning I got Amber all dressed in a darling outfit with a coordinating bow. 10 minutes later she had done a giant barf down the front of it, effectively soaking the entire ensemble through the onesie underneath. She did this with three separate outfits today! And 2 of my outfits too.

2. For the past few weeks I've been setting each pair of Rose's pants aside in a pile to be patched when I notice a hole in the knee. Today, the day after the laundry was done, she had zero pants to wear because they were all still in my pants-to-patch pile, not patched.

3. I have a mending pile? I'm conflicted about mending/patching my kids' clothes. I rarely ever spend more than $5 on any pair of pants for Jay and Rose (hello, Goodwill). They grow so fast that usually their clothes wear out right around the time they get too small. Rose's leggings still fit, except they're all full of holes. I don't want to buy new pants this late in the season, but it takes me a solid half hour to hand sew one patch onto one knee! She has 5 pairs of pants with a total of seven holes in them, with suspiciously thin fabric on the other three knees. So basically I need to sew 10 patches. That's five hours of hand sewing! Ain’t nobody got time for that. At least not with a little baby in the house. How did our ancestors do it? History books don’t give these important daily details.

4. While Amber was napping this morning I cut out 10 patches. The one patch I sewed on a few weeks ago was wearing out so I picked that one off and started sewing on a new patch in its place. I stupidly attempted to use the sewing machine to sew a patch onto the pants and ended up picking stitches out of that patch too. Then Amber woke up and I left my pile with LESS patches done than when I started! Negative patches!

5. Amber keeps barfing on my shirt. I wanted to wear that shirt today. I chose it because it fit my mood! I let it dry after the first two barfs, but after the third one, I admitted defeat. The shirt was done for. Time to change. Back to the drawing board. What to wear? Finding a comfy shirt that I feel good in that is convenient and not too destroyed by nursing is no picnic, and Amber killed today's wardrobe choice! Amusing in retrospect but a true dilemma in the moment.

6. I think I sit down in a chair to eat breakfast and lunch about once a week. Usually I eat while unloading the dishwasher, packing Jay's school lunch, holding a baby, making everyone else food to eat, making bread, doing hair, etc...the list goes on. Today was no different. It was tiring!

7. I don't remember the last time I cleaned the bathrooms (eek!). Last night I noticed a bad smell coming out of the kids' bathroom and traced it to the toilet. I quickly squirted some toilet bowl cleaner in the alarmingly gray, stinky interior of their toilet. But I didn't clean the rest of it! Just the stinkiest part on the inside. I like to think I'm prioritizing the good-better-best chain when I delay bathroom cleanings, but my motherly conscience still squeaks in horror every now and then. It seems like such a simple task, and yet all too often it gets pushed to the bottom of the totem pole.

8. Amber has perfected the art of grabbing my glasses with her slobbery little fist. Usually it's unintentional so far (I think), but still. Glasses removed and slimed. Another thing. As a mom, it often feels like every move I make is interrupted or obstructed by my kids. I’m not moaning about it (not this time at least :) but it’s just one of those things that wears me out during the day: the feeling that I’m swimming upstream.

9. A freshly mopped floor is hypothetical, right? I try not to despair too much when I look at our kitchen floor.

10. Today I had to scoop Legos out of my chair before I sat down to feed Amber.

11. While I was on the phone today, Jay and Rose ran around and around the kitchen table squealing while Jay counted all the way to 100 in a loud jubilant voice.

12. Yesterday I folded two baskets of laundry and ended the day with three more baskets to fold. We are only a family of five and it feels like my life is dominated by laundry. The logistics of larger families’ laundry are mind-boggling.

13. I've been typing this list off and on all day while feeding/holding Amber and she just sneezed all over the screen. 

Family movie night tonight, watching Matilda. I love it when we all pile onto the couch together and watch a movie. It’s beloved family time.

By the end of the day today, when Jay and Rose were finally in their room for bed, Jeff asked me what I wanted to do tonight. I said I wanted him to sit on the couch with Amber and me and tell me good things about myself. (hey, he asked what I wanted to do!) So I snuggled into his shoulder, closed my eyes, let my cares GO (as best I could) and listened to his low voice build me up. Jeff is the cream of the crop. One of the things he said in his list of compliments to me was “you chose a really good husband.” Ha ha, well he’s right. 

Being married is a sweet sweet thing.

Having kids is a sweet sweet thing.

Having sleeping kids is also a sweet sweet thing.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. What do we do? We swimmmm.

Sometimes we float, sometimes we sink, but no matter what, we just keep swimming.

4 months

Amber is 4 months old. FOUR MONTHS! That’s a quarter of a year. To quote my sister, time flies when you’re not pregnant. That is so true. Time for the monthly babyface comparison extravaganza! My favorite!

Our babies have great smiles.

They all have the same darling flappy-topped ears, ha ha. So lovable!

On their tums.

They all started grabbing these giraffe tails at the same age. :)

I love having three sets of baby pictures to line up side by side. It’s fun to compare their faces and habits and personalities at this age. It amazes me how babies have their own distinct personalities from day one. Jay was the slim inquisitive mover, Rose was the chubby immobile loud voice, and so far Amber is the happy, champion smiler. She smiles SO MUCH. Sometimes she even cries and smiles at the same time!

Both Jay and Rose were sleeping all night by 4 months, but Amber has not gotten the hang of it yet. At about 2 months she had a few nights of encouraging 8 hour stretches of sleep, but quickly abandoned them. Usually she only wakes up once each night for milk, but this week has been more difficult. Amber seems to be following in the family tradition of early teething, and I think (?) that’s why she’s not sleeping as well. She’s such a good baby that I can’t complain, and my current plan is to see if she regulates herself by 6 months  before intervening. We’ll see how desperate I get. I vaguely remember ordering a baby sleep book from Amazon at like 4 in the morning one day this week…

I mean. Heart bursting. I LOVE THAT FACE!

Today Amber had her 4 month checkup. We went back to Grandview Medical Center one more time (ha) and saw our third new doctor since Dr. Weaver switched locations (he should be back in business next month at last—yay!). Well, the guy we saw today was very nice and thorough and good. It’s a comfort that there is more than one medical professional in this valley that we like!

 

Here’s the little softie, trying to escape the doctor’s office. Amber weighs 14.4 pounds (55%) and is 25.5 inches long (89%). When Rose was her age, she was the same length but an entire pound and a half heavier! My back and biceps are glad that Amber takes more after Jay in the poundage department.

Yesterday I did a quick 10 minute post-bath 4 month photo shoot:

Who can resist a baby bum?