In which I re-address the age-old motherly dilemma: how to find personal time while caring for young children. {Musings interspersed with cute pictures because I always have an excess of cute pictures.}
This year I'm studying Jesus Christ's life and teachings. I'm reading James E. Talmage's Jesus the Christ (whew) and following along with that timeline in the institute manual, The Life and Teachings of Jesus and His Apostles (which incidentally quotes J. E. Talmage quite often, haha). Along with that, I'm reading the New Testament according to the reading schedule in the institute manual. And when I need a break I read general conference talks. Before you get impressed, it's all very slow going--like a page or two (sometimes a little more, sometimes a lot less) per day, courtesy of noisy demanding children and general fatigue. So it will probably take me two years or more to complete this study. Anyways, this week while trying to read and ponder through the sounds of children playing/crying/demanding, I was thinking about Jesus Christ and what parts of his life/ministry relate directly to my current phase of life. Especially: how would Jesus handle personal scripture study and prayer every day amidst the loudness and chaos of young kids? It actually all started as a wry thought that turned into sincere pondering one morning. I came up with some interesting connections. Maybe they aren't that revolutionary, but I had never considered them before, so they're revolutionary to me!
1. Element of my existence: VERY LITTLE ALONE TIME, because if I'm awake, the kids sense it and must climb onto me or play/argue loudly right next to me. It's sweet that they want to be near me, and I never want to tell them to go away because Jesus always said "come unto me" (Matthew 19:13-14) and I want to follow his example (FYI, I'm not in any way above asking them for a little space or to please shhh while I finish reading). But that noise and constant conversing with/around them makes it exceedingly difficult to have the peaceful personal time I need to really study the scriptures meaningfully every day. That's nothing new!
Relation to Jesus' life: he was followed by multitudes of people asking him questions, wanting him to teach, and begging to be healed. I always thought it was so good that those people followed him around because that's what we're supposed to do, right? Follow the Savior. But I recently realized that he still sought out his personal alone time. He arose early and went to pray:
"And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed. And Simon and they that were with him followed after him. And when they had found him, they said unto him, All men seek for thee."
That sounds oh-so-familiar to me in regards to my morning scripture study! Hahaha. The way Jesus handled the constant barrage of human contact was he got up early and/or retreated to the mountains to "commune" with God and nature. That is a noble effort, but it didn't always work for very long! He was always being interrupted! And he was never upset or peeved when his disciples interrupted him or when someone wanted to be healed. He simply went about doing good, regardless of how much sleep he had missed or how little personal time he had had. His life applies to parenthood so well! I hope I can be that longsuffering! Too often I just get peeved and stomp around for a while instead of calmly handling the demands made of me.
{I love these Rose faces! She's starting to get a faint sprinkle of freckles too. Heartburst}
2. Element of my existence: SLEEP DEPRIVATION, mostly due to kids needing me at odd hours, but also a little from my own need for a bit of alone time before I go to bed. Oh, and my inexplicable difficulty in falling asleep quickly. It takes me forever to fall asleep almost every night, no matter how tired I am! And when I get woken up in the middle of the night, same problem. Just this morning, Rose woke me up for help at 3:30am and I never actually fell all the way back to sleep. I just laid there in a daze for two hours until the kids got up for real around 5:30am. Waaaaahhh!
Relation to Jesus' life: I'd say the sleep issue is closely related to his alone time. He gave up sleep to get his prayer and study/pondering/communing done early in the morning, and that, along with all of the teaching and service he rendered the multitudes made him tired. Several times the scriptures mention his physical fatigue--he was taking a nap when his disciples woke him up to calm the sea! I always wondered how on earth he slept in a rocking boat through such a violent storm, but I think it shows just how tired he was and MUCH of his physical needs he was giving up to serve, love, teach, and heal the people. WOW! Powerful lesson. Obviously we need to take care of ourselves, but the lesson of patience and selflessness here still stands. Once again, Jesus didn't get mad at his disciples for waking him up to calm the wind and sea; he simply helped them without complaint.
"And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."
I LOVE that scripture! It was my ponderizing scripture this week, on my phone's lock screen. I may keep it there for a second week because I love it so much. Being awoken from a restful, much-needed sleep by a scared or needy person is something I can readily relate to right now. I do my best not to show irritation at being woken up, but often I feel it, which is still not that admirable. And it goes further than just interrupted sleep--interrupted anything! I also love the phrase "peace, be still" and the result of that statement: "there was a great calm." I have been reading those phrases over and over for the past week. I was exhausted all last week--recovering from that violent illness and the resulting sleep deprivation, plus daily life demands, running, etc. Suffice it to say that it took WORK to be patient and kind this week, and I did not always succeed.
Reading those words about peace, be still and the great calm soothed my soul and just helped me feel better. I imagined mySELF as the turbulent wind and sea, and imagined the Savior rebuking ME and telling ME to have peace and be still. It was humbling and effective. I hope I'm not making it sound like I have like anger management issues or something! Haha, for me it's usually mostly an internal struggle with/battle against my reaction to obstacles of regular mom-life. Some weeks they are harder to laugh off than others. But those feelings are still real and annoyingly negative and they make it hard for me to feel happy and keep the spirit with me, so when they come, I must do battle! :)
{post bath ear-curls: favorite}
Ok, those are my latest musings about my personal time. I have the nagging feeling that I did not do my thoughts justice with my words written here, but I can't seem to figure out how to say them better, so I hope it all made sense!
*Links to previous musings along these lines, because I seem unable to give up hashing out these dilemmas:
Uh-oh.
