GOLDEN

The past week has been golden in so many ways: sunshine and 55 degrees, moments of pure joy, nights of sleepless agony, beautiful inspiration, mountains of laundry, hundreds of pictures, RUNNING, sore muscles, giant block buildings and messes, trampoline, cookies, meltdowns, foot rubs, baby snuggles, and acute exhaustion. Why on earth did I include difficulties in the golden list? Opposition in all things, my friends. The hard happenings turn the plain good stuff into pure GOLD. I don't know much but I know enough to take the bad with the good, as tough as it can be to squeak through the tricky parts. When the good comes, I find myself completely relishing it. If I was a dog, I'd ROLL in the golden goodness of those moments. And then I'd fall asleep! Ha ha. I have some vignettes from the past few days to entertain you and show you a slice of our life:

[Sisters on Sunday]

Saturday and Sunday night, Amber slept in minuscule increments of time, translating somewhere in the neighborhood of 2+1+2 hours of sleep for me. It was SO HARD. Thank goodness for afternoon church and President's Day. Jeff took care of Jay and Rose both mornings and I went back to bed for almost two dead-to-the-world hours. The result of those two exhausting nights was me breaking my unspoken self-imposed rule: I got online and researched baby sleep how-to's. Talk about stressful! In my harried, sleep-deprived state, I was convinced that it was all my fault and I had to start imposing more of a schedule on my little 3 month old, etc. etc. etc. Monday I timed her naps and put her in her bed every time she got tired and blah blah blah, it was an impossible day. By the end of it I missed my normal easy-going baby non-schedule! Now we're back to the baby-led sleep-when-she-wants plan, and I've sworn off those blasted get your baby to sleep methods. And I'm ok with it! We'll re-visit sleep concerns in a few months when Amber is older. I merely had to accept the fact that I may be a zombie for a few more months. Once I did that, I was content once more. WHEW. Stupid sleep deprived anxiety!! I CAN do this MY WAY, and my way is to let my baby do her thing. WHEW! 

Last night Rose woke up scared and was awake for about half an hour. Today she had meltdown after meltdown and was just exhausted all day. Seeing how her performance was so negatively affected by a mere half hour of lost sleep in the middle of the night made me feel pretty good about how I'm handling my own choppy sleep segments. Not exactly 100% graceful, but I have far fewer meltdowns than Rose!

In spite of my nightmarishly low sleep, I have been steadily improving my running already! Ahh, it feels amazing to be out there in the sunshine cruising along the street shoulders, drinking in the fresh air and rolling scenery. My average mile time has already dropped by more than 30 seconds in the week since I started running. Muscle memory is an astounding thing. My lungs are adapting much faster than I expected, and the gaspy tightness is taking longer and longer to set in with each run. I'm sore and tired, but it hurts so good. I got my first new pair of running shoes in four years this week, and they are a dream. It's like running on pillows! It hurt to run on gravel in my old worn out shoes--they were that thin. It almost feels like cheating when I wear my new shoes. 

The weather has been a dreamy mid-50's, low 60's for the past week or more and it is buoying all of our moods way up. The trampoline was arguably the best purchase we've ever made. In the six days it's been up, I'm already wondering why we didn't get one sooner. Jay and Rose fall asleep so fast at bedtime, having used up the last of their energy on the tramp. Yesterday afternoon, Rose and I brought the baby swing out onto the back porch, clipped Amber into it, and went out to the trampoline together. The sun was flooding the yard with warm golden light and we basked and bounced in it. I'm telling you, that vitamin D went straight to my soul! I love having such a simple FUN way to play with my kids. It's always harder for my adult self to get down on the floor and play with toys. I can build with blocks and read stories, but the actual playing that the kids always ask for is not easy. On the trampoline, however, Rose and I were both giggling and twirling and having the greatest time together. It was golden.

On Monday, Jay and Rose jumped on the trampoline practically all day. The kids next door jumped on the trampoline with them most of the afternoon, except when they were all chasing each other through the back door down to the basement and out the front door and then over to the neighbor's house, round and round repeatedly. They paused for 5 or 10 minutes to play a Wii game and then next thing I knew they were all traipsing back through the house to the tramp and then next door and then asking for a snack and then starting the circuit all over again. Let's just say that chaos reigned and too many leaves got crunched into the carpet. It was awesome, stressful, fun, and exhausting all at once.

I have been drowning in laundry all week. Monday I did four loads of laundry and folded one. Tuesday I did two more loads of laundry and folded none. Today I did one more load of laundry and finally folded all 6 loads that were piling up in my bedroom. It was such a triumphant feeling to finally get more than the tip of my nose out of the sea of crumpled laundry! There are probably already at least three more loads that need to be washed, but for a few minutes this afternoon, I was queen and the laundry was done. 

A few days ago I made a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough, scooped it all into balls, and refrigerated them. So any time we wanted fresh cookies, we simply pulled out a few of the dough balls and popped them into the toaster oven. Jeff and I have been indulging in pazookies after the kids are in bed: a hot squishy cookie with a scoop of ice cream on top=heavenly. We eat that tastyness while watching an episode of White Collar (I introduced it to Jeff, and he's a fan). Then Jeff nearly always gives me a foot rub, amazing man that he is. Pazookie, a funny show, AND a foot rub? Yessss. Oh and there's a sweet little baby to hug during all of that goodness. It's all about the little things. A collection of little pleasures equals a big joy! 

I guess by that rule a collection of inconveniences equals a big annoyance too...yep, that's true. When I'm tired I drop things. Not babies, but things, like spoons and flour and toys and clothes, etc. It's a challenge to stave off the annoyance that compounds with each dropped item. Hello! I was trying to focus on the positive. Focusing on the positive while being real and honest is an interesting line to walk, I must say. 

[Jay and Rose were both sitting with Amber feeling her soft head with their cheeks—this is not posed]

For my patchy, abbreviated, bleary-eyed scripture study I have decided to read one chapter or conference talk over and over until it finally sinks past my thick tiredness into my mind and heart and actually means something to me. I've been reading the same chapter for over a week, ha ha. I picked one of my favorite scripture mastery verses and then read the chapter it's in over and over. The chapter of the moment (or week...or month maybe) is Alma 37. A true classic, with so many simple, beautiful truths in it. After I had read it multiple times, I started checking out the good-looking footnotes. One footnote lead me to a scripture that I was familiar with, but really worked for me this time around: D&C 64:33: "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." It only took one read-through for that one to zoom past my puffy-slow tired-head, straight to my heart. It is such a normal, commonly-quoted scripture, but it just fits my everything right now. The best part to me was "be not weary in well-doing." Boom. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, staying on top of the housework feels like climbing up the down escalator. Yes, everyone needs me to do something RIGHT NOW. I'm allowed to be tired, but I don't want to be tired of doing good! I can be tired while well-doing all I want, as long as I'm not tired OF well-doing. YES. This pithy direct verse helped me make that distinction and remember that the small things are the great things. 

Here's a small thing that is GREAT: Jay read his first Dr. Seuss book yesterday! It was Green Eggs and Ham. He needed help on a few words, but not many! He can read! How did that happen? I must admit to a smidgen of parental pride. It's so fun to see him learn and do new hard things. He was student of the month for his classroom back in December, and they gave him his award a few weeks ago. Jay.

Jeff builds such amazing creations out of "the smooth blocks." Jay and Rose have “sleepovers” on the floor of their room. It’s only a sleepover if they sleep next to each other on the floor. When they sleep in their beds (in the same room) it’s not a sleepover.

I found the game Jenga at the thrift store for $2. Also 4 VHS tapes for a dollar and a snazzy purse. The purse looked so nice and high-quality that I had to search out the brand online when I got home, just to see if my eyes were right. They were. The purse cost $50 brand new, and I paid $7 for it! Woot. I love my used new purse! Oh, and I found one of those thick fleece cold weather suits with ears on the hood for Amber (it’s huge on her but warm). My little heart marshmallow baby-love. I like Goodwill more and more every time I go. Give me Goodwill, Costco, and Amazon and I'm SET.

Today after the Goodwill excitement, Rose, Amber, and I went to visit Jeff at the high school during his planning period. Daddy-daughter visit! The faces of every high school girl we passed on the way to Jeff's classroom softened when they saw Amber. It was cute. The boys didn't even notice us, but the girls went all melty and shiny-eyed at the sight of our sweet little fuzz-top and her big sister. 

It's 10:45pm and Amber has been asleep since 8pm. Motherly dilemma: do I wake her up and top her off in hopes that she'll sleep longer or do I just go to bed and risk her waking me up twice (or more) in the night? Last night I woke her up before I went to bed, and she still woke me up halfway through the night. Maybe tonight I should see how long she sleeps...?