Peace and quiet

Jeff and I went to the temple on Thursday. It was wonderful. I basked in the calm quiet peace there. It's been at least a year and a half since I last did a temple session, thanks to hard pregnancy and needy baby-nursing. I have been craving temple-style spiritual nourishment for a while, and it was such a joy to finally be there! When I walked into the temple I felt like a dry old sponge. While we were there, I slowly soaked up the peace and spirit till it filled me up. I entered crispy and shriveled, and left softened and full.

obligatory post-temple selfie!

Aside from the spirit and peace there, one of the things I love about the temple is the expectation of quiet. In daily life, it seems like noise is the norm--the expectation. It's some sort of social obligation we've created. When the phone rings, we are expected to talk and fill any silence with words. When we meet someone we know at the store, we are expected to have something to say. Even at church there's the expectation that we will talk. And in my home with three small inquisitive children, you'd better believe that there's rarely a quiet waking moment. Conversations have their place. Talking is necessary! It's just nice to have a place where talking is the exception rather than the rule.

As a soft-spoken introvert, conversing with people I don't know very well often makes me tense, especially during unanticipated encounters like phone calls and chance public meetings. (I think I have an inborn aversion to small talk, just like Mr. Darling in Peter Pan!) Don't get me wrong--I enjoy good, real conversation. A heartfelt talk with a close friend can be refreshing in so many ways. However, I feel the same way about silence. Spending a  quiet moment with a good friend can be just as refreshing and meaningful--if not more so--as having a heart-to-heart conversation. 

In The Blue Castle, L. M. Montgomery wrote "If you can sit in silence with a person for half and hour and yet be entirely comfortable, you and that person can be friends. If you cannot, friends you'll never be and you need not waste time in trying." Laaa! That statement may not be true for everyone, but it is true for me. Silence is restful and rejuvenating. Quiet moments are when I prepare (aka brace myself) for noise.

Back to the temple: I love how easy it is to sit next to a complete stranger in the temple without any obligation to make conversation. It makes me feel  at ease to know that we are all there quietly soaking up the peace together. It charges my Shaina-batteries and helps me find my center. It opens my heart to inspiration. 

I love our little Columbia River Temple. And that blue sky! And Grama Leslie for watching the kids so Jeff and I could go inside together.

There is something to be said for a peaceful, companionable silence. That's a thought I took away from the temple this week: the power of taking time to be quiet together in this loud busy world. 

I just know our kids will learn that one day...

Crazy little thing called marriage

Gay marriage was legalized nationwide today. As scary as it is to address such a controversial topic, here I am. I'm not trying to be revolutionary or controversial, I'm just trying to get my footing on this sandy ground. I've been pondering this topic all day and it is just as baffling as it was this morning. There are so many sides and viewpoints! There's no way to include them all. I did my best to navigate the storm:

I support human rights. We all have our agency. There are plenty of people who believe and behave differently than me, and I 100% think that they should be free to believe and act on their beliefs as long as they do not harm others. So I guess that means I don't mind if gay people want to get married, even if I don't personally support gay relationships.

BUT.

The gospel I believe in clearly states that marriage is between a man and a woman and that sexual relations are only appropriate within the bonds of marriage between a man and a woman. I have promised to keep this law of chastity: no sex outside of marriage and only marriage between a man and a woman. That's what I believe. That's how I define marriage. Any other union between any other mixture of people is not marriage, according to this definition.

So is this merely about semantics--the definition of marriage? If only it was that simple! Because marriage means different things to different people, there's more to this than Webster can resolve.

Where do we draw the line? If two women can get married, why not three? Why not one man and two women? Or more? What about a man who "feels" more like a woman? Why does it seem like the only people who support marriage at all these days are gay? Is supporting the same thing as condoning? What is coming? Where will our society draw the line? I know where the line is for me, but will our country allow me to stay on my side of the line? What will the Supreme Court rule next?

Beliefs are tricky. I hope I'm evolved enough to respect everyone, regardless of their personal beliefs. I do my best! But respecting people is not the same as agreeing with them. It seems like the word bigotry is thrown around too often these days, especially when the LDS church issues statements about how its doctrine cannot be compromised for individuals who are gay. If people have the right to believe gay relationships and marriages are appropriate, don't the rest of us have just as much right to believe that they are not appropriate?

The gospel of Jesus Christ is centered around love. Does God love people who are gay just as much as people who aren't? Yes! Does God say that gay marriage is ok? No! So the challenge is to figure out how to truly, honestly follow the Lord's example of loving without condoning inappropriate behavior.

So what does this all boil down to? 

Respecting vs. agreeing. 

Loving vs. condoning. 

However you phrase it, this issue is tricky.

We like being married.

Do I support gay marriage? There's no simple answer to that.

From a human rights/agency standpoint, yes. 

From a religious standpoint, NO! 

Will I treat couples who are gay with the same respect and kindness as I show others? 

YES. 

In the end I guess that's what matters. 

Happy Father's Day

Hello, Father's Day has come and gone. Summer is in full swing and it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to remember to do normal things on time, like dishes and laundry and blog posts about Father's Day. I still love my dad! And my husband!

"...there is no greater honor, no more elevated title, and no more important role in this life than that of mother or father" --Bonnie L. Oscarson

My thoughts on the subject sound weak and trite when I try to write them down. Suffice it to say that a righteous father is necessary. I'm so glad I have one and that my kids have one too.

We do low-key celebrations in our house. Small and simple is how we like it, as always. This Father's Day, I asked the kids to list a few things they love about their Dad. I wrote them down and gave it to Jeff. Jay and Rose each made him a card too. We had a family breakfast with the local White folks on Sunday morning too.

 

That little Amber-hand on Daddy's shoulder is perfect.

Jeff is great. Here's one example of many: he climbed up the side of our house and through a window to save the day when Rose closed and locked our bedroom door from the inside a few days ago. Our bedroom door has a lock that uses an actual key (weird and annoying) but when we moved into the house, we were never given the key--it was the same with a door in our basement. When someone closed and locked the basement door though, we couldn't get in through the window because it was locked. In that case Jeff ended up hacking through the door.

 

 Luckily our fence fell down and we had it leaning against the back of the house...can we say precarious? Now we have to remember to lock our window so we don't get robbed!

Our most recent locked door drama ended much better than the last one! It's kind of fun having a hacked hole in this door--I love peeking through and seeing cute friends playing together. But thankfully our bedroom door will not have a peep-hole.

Next project: change a door knob!

Love love LOVE.

and a throwback. 

Starring Jessie!

Ok, I've been meaning to tell this tale for a month and LIFE just kept happening and preventing it. So, a month late, here's a short sweet story about a dear friend. Jay broke his arm about a month ago. His cast is already off by now of course, but a few days after he broke his arm, we got a surprise in the mail. My sweet friend Jessie who lives alllll the way over in Nebraska sent Jay a little Lego Star Wars set and a card saying feel better soon. And for good measure, she also included a box of markers for Rose, because, in her words "who likes to be left out?" WHAT A DEAR! She also wrote me the kindest, most flattering note practically of all time. I kept reading it and saying to myself, "is she really writing this to me??" One more time: WHAT A DEAR!

 

Do you feel it coming? Here it is: the backstory.
In this digital/social media age, I have a few friends whom I have only met in person a few times, and even one or two that I have never actually met in person! Example of a friend I've never met: one of the Resident Assistants who was in the dorm Jeff and I were Resident Directors for at SVU got married after we graduated. I became friends with his wife via the internet, never having met her in person. No! Do people actually do that in real life? Well, it happened to me! Our friendships grew over the internet, of all places, through emails, comments, Facebook, and blogs. On the outside, it seems so unlikely, so...fake of a way to become friends. But we are friends! Really! I used to feel guilty somehow for having "virtual" friends like this because, is it allowed? Is friendship real when you've only ever met in person once? Or never? I've decided that it is real! And I love it!

Anyways, I met Jessie way back in 2008 when I went to visit my college roomie Laurs (Lauren DeNys) at her family's house near Omaha, Nebraska. Laurs had just returned from her mission and I was pregnant with Jay. We lived in Missouri at the time and it was a 6 hour drive to the DeNys family house. Now that I'm writing this, I'm not 100% sure that's the first time I met Jessie...I think it was though. Anyways, Jessie was in high school and we met kind of briefly in passing. But over the next few years, I visited the DeNyses a few more times and saw Jessie all of those times too. She was nice and cute and fun and clever and a reader. So it was good. But I was never in Nebraska for more than a few days at a time, so we never would've become real friends without Senor Internet.

Fast forward a few years: Jessie got married and graduated college and had babies and how did I know all of this? She started writing about it on a blog! So I got to know her little by little. And it was the best! She got to know me through my blog too, and one day I realized that we were friends. We even talked on the phone once because we both read a really lame book that we had to vent about. Isn't this an amazing time, when we can not only keep up with old friends via the internet, but also develop new friendships? I sure like it, although I don't have a picture of Jessie and me to add here, so you'll just have to use your imagination. She has brown hair, if that helps. :)

I'm not saying that I prefer "virtual friendships" to in-person friendships, but when you live too far away for the in-person kind, the virtual thing totally works. I'm glad to have friends "in the flesh" nearby, but I'm equally glad to have friends "in the cloud" too!

Some people are just kindred spirits.

Cast off!

Jay got his cast off this week! Wednesday was the big day. Rose had a follow-up appointment for her throat the same morning, and we brought Spencer (we're watching him 3 days per week this summer) along too. Jeff stayed home with Amber, so I only had 3 kids to herd around. But Rose's tonsil-less throat is healing normally and Jay's arm is all better! Finally!

 

Sawing and taking off the cast

 

Victory!

What better way to celebrate a cast removal than a trip to the pool?

 

 

It's hard to take pictures of swimming kids. 

This was the happiest Rose has been since she got her tonsils out.

Rose didn't whine or complain about her throat for an entire 30 minutes at the pool! Don't worry, she made up for lost time soon after. She was SO incredibly whiney for the first 8 days after her tonsillectomy (understandably, I suppose, although the whining did get rather old rather fast). It think it's safe to say that she has turned a corner at last.

The fun just kept on coming! That afternoon, they had a popsicle pool party at the neighbors' house. 

Meanwhile, the little Ambaby is working on her mobility.

Last day

Yesterday was Jay's last day of kindergarten. Already? The school year has flown by! Having a baby did make it seem even faster, and yet when I think about how I was still queasy-pregnant when the school year started, it seems like the year has been much longer than usual. Pregnancy does mess with time quite effectively. So do growing kids! One second they are in diapers drooling and giving gummy grins, and the next second they are finishing kindergarten! It gives me a little ache to think about it--not necessarily a bad kind of ache, just that motherly ache of remembering past sweetness while cheering for current achievements. I'm doing my best to cherish the past, enjoy the present, and welcome the future. That's the only way to "have it all" as a mother! Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. That is such a gooey-cheesy sentence, but it does kind of describe what I'm trying to say. 

All ready for his last day of kindergarten: June 11, 2015

Kindergarten was Jay's first foray into The World. It changed him. He's still sweet and good, but there's that extra something that only time in The World can bring. It's part of getting older, I suppose--losing a little of that childlike innocence bit by bit, year by year. He's only six, of course, so there's plenty of innocence left. But it feels like his Growing Up has officially begun, and once that ball is in motion, it's going to keep rolling faster and faster till he's suddenly graduating from high school and leaving on a mission.

First day of kindergarten vs. the last day. Sniff.

Together at the beginning and at the end. :)

Ok, enough sentimental motherly musings. I love my Jay--or Joseph, as they call him at school. 

Jay and his teacher, Miss Hollowell, during pick-up time on the last day of school.

There wasn't a kindergarten graduation (as far as I know) but they did send Jay home with a kindergarten diploma. Also--Jay's eyes were all puffy when he got home from school yesterday. The school nurse gave us a note saying he had pink eye, so...yay.

 

 Here's the school book page that I created for Jay. We filled out the front at the beginning of school and the back at the end.

Our kitchen table is loaded in a year's worth of kindergarten papers and projects. Every time Jay brought something home this year, we put it in that white box. In a few days or weeks, when Jay is less attached to his papers, I will sort through them, choose a few to save, and then dump the rest in the recycle bin. 

Jeff has finished teaching and is HOME.

Jay is out of school and HOME.

Time for some yard work and home improvement projects!

Time for some family camping and reunions!

Time for some swimming and playing!

Summer has officially begun!

Ok, we have a tonsil-less throat and a broken arm and a possible case of pink eye to heal before the real summer action begins, but SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMER!

SUMMER!

Fresh cut Rose

When we named Rose, I had no idea how much fun it would be to have a child with a noun and a color for a name. Oh the possibilities! Rose went under the knife this week. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed on Tuesday, June 9th. Being a parent is so illuminating. Example: It's one thing to be the sick pregnant mama lying in the hospital bed in agony, perforated with needles. It's an entirely different thing to be a mother standing next to the hospital bed while my little 4 year old daughter gets decked out and prepped for surgery! I can't decide which one is worse: being in the hospital bed or next to it. 

Tonsillectomies aren't nearly as common these days as they once were. We've always known Rose's tonsils were large and that she snores. When our family shared a hotel room back in March when my brother got married, however Jeff and I were surprised at HOW BAD Rose sounded breathing while she was asleep. It sounded like she had sleep apnea and the snoring kept us awake for most of the night. So at Rose's 4 year doctor checkup, we discussed options and got a referral to the ENT doctor in Prosser. Both doctors said that the two main reasons kids get their tonsils out these days are: 

1. recurring infections, and/or:
2. obstruction of airway with the resulting breathing and sleeping problems. 

Apparently there are numerous studies that show how kids who don't enter the deep REM sleep cycle for long enough each night due to breathing problems (like Rose) have trouble with long term memory, especially when they start school. Interesting! We were also hoping that Rose might maybe be a tad less stubborn if she got better sleep at night too. 

Before: see those giant tonsils?

Fast forward through various appointments and consultations to this week. 

Rose was such a brave trooper! Jeff took the day off work and she chose him to be her person during recovery. That meant I could stay home and take care of Amber, but my motherly instincts simply would not allow for that. So I called our friends and we dropped Jay off at their house on our way to the hospital at 7am on Tuesday morning so he could get a ride to school when it was time. Then Amber, Jeff, and I all accompanied Rose to the hospital. 

All ready to go! They even put Rose's bunny in a hair net.

It was all very straightforward and efficient at the hospital. Rose put on a flannel gown, a hair net, and some tall socks. We went through lots of questions and explanations and an hour later, they took Rose into the OR and escorted Jeff, Amber, and I to the waiting room.

 

I paced the hallway pushing a fussy Amber in the stroller till she finally fell asleep. 

Mr. Cool and Collected

An anxious (for me) hour later, the nurse came and got Jeff. The doctor told us that everything went well. Only one parent was allowed to be with Rose at first, so I had to wait and try my best not to feel rejected. Every now and then I heard crying when the door opened, and I didn't know if it was Rose. It was awful! It was all I could do to resist going IN and checking on her. About half an hour after Jeff went in, the nurse came and said that Rose wanted me now. She was crying, and the only thing she had said the whole time was "Mommy." Instantly I stopped feeling like an superfluous overprotective mother and felt so glad that I tagged along! 

 

Rose was crying and crying. Jeff handed her off to me and took Amber out. They said that coming out of anesthesia can make kids weepy. So I just held Rose while she cried and tried distracting her by telling her things. I told her about how we were in the same hospital that she was born in and how happy we were when she was born. We talked about the Disney show that was playing on the TV in the corner. 

Slowly, her crying subsided and she relaxed enough to eat some ice. Then she really perked up and seemed quite happy. The doctor told us that he gave her a local anesthetic at the operation site so she wouldn't be feeling the pain till much later in the day. The nurse gave us our instructions and we left. We were in and out of the hospital in 2 hours and 45 minutes! 

When we got home, Rose was excited to eat some pudding. The day before, I took her to the store and let her pick out flavors of Jell-o and pudding and popsicles, and she was rarin' to get started on them. The excitement wore off quickly, but so far so good. I've heard plenty of post-tonsillectomy horror stories (mostly involving lots of blood) so I'm holding my breath and hoping Rose heals up smoothly.

After: adios, tonsils! They clamped her epiglottis during the surgery so it's very swollen.

Today is the third day post-operation. Rose is slightly puffy and her tongue is sore (all normal). She is happiest to sit and watch movies. Easy enough! Kind well-wishers have brought her ice cream and otter pops and a balloon. Our freezer is bulging! 

Rose's voice already sounds different to me. I can hear the lack of blockage when she talks. She still has the same voice, but it's not hindered by giant tonsils and adenoids. I can't wait to see how much better she sleeps and feels in a few weeks when the swelling and healing are done.

Before and after, side by side.

Now we get to wait in tremulous suspense for our portion of the hospital bills to come rolling in! 

Jay is 100% ok with having lots of pudding in the house.