January album

Odds and ends from January so I can feel "caught up" when February descends upon us:

One night Amber was being extra cheesy while watching Jeff play a game. 

So much emotion crammed into one little person. 

Rose, all ready for church and her new CTR 6 Primary class on the first Sunday of 2018. 

Amber, ready for her first day in Sunbeam class at church. 

Jay gave the first primary talk of the year, written all by himself as usual. 

After church: Amber liked Sunbeam class! How did her teacher know that crowns are the way to Amber's heart? 

Trike-ing on our dirty driveway. Our first winter in the country with a dirt/gravel driveway has been muddier than I expected. Amber could barely ride her trike over the chunky clumps of mud and rock scattered across the pavement. Country living is messy, but a little dirt is a small price to pay for the tranquility. 

Mixing sports is perfectly proper for a crown princess. 

Just another GLORIOUS sunrise through that beloved big tree out back. 

I put these hilarious teeth lollipops in the kids' Christmas stockings. 

A daddy goofing off with his daughters. 

Amber was in rare form last week: still recovering from her rash. It's so much fun to leave her hair to its own devices. 

Am I the only mean mom who sits and giggles while taking pictures of her crying children? Their faces look so cute and funny when they cry! And for the record, Amber is an expert fake-crier so she was not in any kind of pain or real trouble here. She probably just wanted the iPad or more goldfish crackers. 

Jay and Rose snuggled in Jay's castle tent, playing Nintendo. Sometimes I can't believe all of the screen time my kids get, but other times I think maybe we have a good balance after all.

We fed the missionaries last week. Jeff made crepes, as usual, and I set the table with two extra places. When I answered the door, however, there were FOUR sister missionaries standing there. Our kitchen was stretched beyond its miniature capacity, and we crammed nine people around our table. Jay tried to take a picture but the kitchen was too small to get everyone in the frame. I always like sister missionaries with their kindness and positivity.

Pensive Jay post-shower. 

Mischievous Rose--that half-pucker!

The boy, unloading the dishwasher like a ninja--literally--he threw a spatula and a serving spoon while trying to spin them nun-chuck-style. 

Batman, practicing his moves at bedtime 

Family scripture time--on one of the rare calmer nights. Amber was playing with Jeff's lips while Jay read.

A rare photo of Rose's genuine smile. She likes to be silly and try to make jokes. The dentist said it's a good thing she has such a big gap between her front teeth, because that means she has enough space for her teeth to shift around when the next ones grow in.  

Jay loves to snuggle and talk one-on-one. He is always inviting myself or Jeff into his room to "talk." He likes having his parents to himself to say all of the things on his mind. It's often exhausting to field all of his questions and follow his train of thought, but the boy is starting to develop quite the fun sense of humor. I love making jokes and trying puns out on him and seeing that flash of understanding followed by a giggle. 

There was no school last Friday, and Jay and I spent a good chunk of the morning hanging out on the couch talking and being silly together. The older my kids get, the more I glimpse the awesomeness of being FRIENDS with my own children. 

I love my Jay.

Last Thursday evening (January 25th), Jeff was home and I had a hankering for a sunset run, so I drove over to a place where I was guaranteed a good view: Superman Hill south of Sunnyside. It is a steep tiring hill to run, but anything for that view!

 Obligatory super-selfie.

 Looking ahead.

 Looking back.

This road goes right along the tops of the rolling hills. I call it the backbone of Sunnyside. The view sweeps off on both sides and it is one of my favorite places to run.  

Top of the world at sunset: one of my happy places. 

 While running, I was swooning over that soft yellow sunset and the dramatic shadows it cast on the large hills.

Sunset, turning the grape vines red and the distant hills pinkish. 

Watching an entire sunset (or sunrise) is a very reverent feeling.

Canal water, glinting in the last rays of sunshine. 

Adios, January!

You don't have to run all of the time

Winter in the Yakima Valley is cold, overcast, and gloomy by default. This winter has been mostly friendly and mild, with more sunny days than I expected. Even with this year's kinder weather, every time the sun comes out I rearrange my plans in order to partake of that divine vitamin D. Today was a vitamin D-day. After driving Jay and Rose to school, Amber and I went on a walk together. As usual with an inquisitive three-year-old in tow, it was more of an exploratory country ramble with plenty of pauses. We gathered sticks and visited puddles. Amber threw rocks at every piece of water in sight. I took pictures in contented silence.

When we started our ramble, I kept thinking about going on a run instead. "It's such a gorgeous day! It's a waste not to take advantage of the sunshine and run in it!" I thought to myself. But as Amber scampered along the path ahead of me, giddily babbling "C'mon, Mommy! Wook, I foun-a stick!" a thought came to my mind: "You don't have to run all of the time." I kept savoring those words in my head while we walked, marveling at all of the meta-meanings tucked in that one sentence. Here's the progression of my thoughts as we ambled along:

• Walking is exercise.
• Amber gets exercise too when we walk, and she loves every second of it--this is GOOD.
• I don't have to run/rush through the day either. 
• My main job is motherhood, so this walk is probably the most important thing I'll do all day.
• Why do I chase my to-do list each day with so much vigor? I burn myself out when I don't stop life-running long enough to make time for a relaxing life-walk. 
• What is my goal, really, when I rush through my to-do list? Some mythical pronunciation that my work is "done"? Hah!
• My work will never be officially done, so why rush through it? Slow down. Walk. 
• When I rush through my to-do list, I get too tired and cranky to enjoy being "done" with the list in the first place!
• I'm going to embrace the unfinished to-do list and LIVE a little more. Balance work with personal time and family time. I stress about Finishing Things too much. 

You don't have to run all of the time. I have even been incorporating that idea into my actual physical running for weeks whenever I run with the stroller. On a sunny day last week, I took Amber on a stroller run up The Hill in Sunnyside. It was steep and I took walking breaks off and on all the way up. At the top I felt proud of myself, even though I walked half the way up. I am learning! Effort over time, honesty over needless heedless exhaustion. As a lifelong distance runner, it's in my blood to push through to the Finish, whether on a five mile run or with a five mile to-do list. Over and over throughout my parenting career I have learned to let things go, and I don't even always have an official to-do list. But lately I have gotten back into the rut of placing too much value on having quantifiable accomplishments every single day. People in the paid workforce accomplish Real Things every day. Since I view motherhood as my job, too often I expect myself to: 

1. have quantifiable Real Things to accomplish every day, and
2. to get those Real Things done so I can feel that I am doing well at my job. 

Reality check: while we moms always have a hundred things that need to be done, those things aren't always so easily added to a list with a check box next to them. My work as a mother cannot be condensed into a few words on a check list. Even more importantly, my value as a Mother and Human Being does not depend on what I accomplish each day. 

My individual worth is completely peripheral to my job. 

I am a daughter of God who loves me because I am ME, and because I am HIS, not because of what I do or don't do. He will love me regardless of my actions--God's love is separate from our actions. 

My parents value me because I am their daughter and they know my heart after raising me for 31 years, not because I have given them three grandchildren. 

My husband values me because I am ME, his partner, not because I cook, chauffeur, and give really good kisses. 

My kids value me because I love them and take care of them no matter what, not because I do their laundry and give them extra screen time on Saturdays. 

My individual worth is completely peripheral to my job. My job--mother--is part of who I am, but it is not the only thing I am. I am lots of different things. I have interests, talents, and dreams, some of which involve motherhood, and others that do not. 

Wow, when I sat down to type out a quick post about this morning's Amber-amble, I did not know all of these big thoughts were inside me. These words feel true and empowering! Bring it on, life!

You don't have to run all of the time.

PICTURES, part 1: last week's sunny Hill run up to the water tower:

 At the bottom of the hill, with the water tower waaaay off in the distance to the right.

Enjoying the view over Sunnyside 

 At the water tower: the sign said it's a one million gallon water tank. The thought made me thirsty.

PICTURES, part 2: today's sunny Amber-amble around the countryside behind our house:

These two thick trees grow sideways out of the hill behind our house. We stood on one and our stretched shadows looked like spiders in the slanting morning sunlight.  

Puddle number 1, with our house in the background (the white one with the open garage on the far left). 

Puddle number two, with winter-brown grape vines in the background. 

Even thick muddy water can make a good reflection. 

I didn't even wear my sunglasses because I wanted to be NEAR that sun. It was bright. Also of note: I was actually a little over-warm by the end of our hour-long walk.

Running back and forth across the puddle. She got soaked, but her grin told me it was worth it. 

I love her halo of dandelion-fluff hair in the sun. My watch informed me that we walked 1.7 miles in 55 minutes. Amber jumped, sprinted, walked, stomped, climbed, and crawled that distance. When I asked her if she was tired while we were short-cutting across this field towards home, she actually said YES. I'm not sure she's ever admitted to being tired before. My work here is done. 

Lunch in the kitchen. Is there anything better than a sweet smile in the sunshine?

It's working!

Sometimes with parenthood it feels like NOTHING is working:

• nothing has worked to potty train Amber yet.
• nothing has worked to get the kids to play outside more.
• nothing has worked to keep bits of cereal from land mining the kitchen floor every single day.
• nothing has worked to keep the kids' toothpaste from turning into a clumpy oozing blue goo of death seeping over all bathroom surfaces.

{Amber snacked on my beautiful fresh bread!}

You get the idea. Sometimes successes feel few and far between. But tonight I had back-to-back successes, so I had to write them down. Jeff had parent teacher conferences tonight. That means he gets home after the kids' bedtime. Normally during parent teacher conferences, I default to survival mode and barely make it to bedtime with a faint wisp of sanity remaining, but tonight was different. 

Success Part I: family home evening game night! I can count at least three influences on this one:

1. At cub scouts last week, we had a video game night (the boys begged for it and I delivered). During the activity, I was chatting with my partner-leader and she told me how in her house they didn't have any video games--they play all kinds of board and creative games instead. It made me miss hands-on games. Every time I suggest a family game, my family outvotes me and we play video games together instead of board games. I have made several attempts at family games over the past few years, but Jeff and I always concluded that our kids weren't quite old enough for it to count as enjoyable. 
2. Last night Jeff and I had a card triathlon (best of three games: Quiddler, Loot, and Uno), and it was such quality interactive fun that I wanted to give "real" games another go with the kids--they are older now than they were last time we played games together after all. That's one dependable trait of all kids: they keep on getting older!
3. This morning another friend shared this quote: "True self care is making a choice to build a life you don't regularly need to escape from." Source: an online conference called I Am Mom Summit. This one sentence from it resonated with me so much that I went and tried to find the video it was from so I could at least attribute a name to the words, but it proved too a tricky task since there is no text for these messages and the videos expire after a week! All I know is that this was mentioned in one of over 25 video clip talks at imamomsummit.com.

Sunday night card triathlon: Jeff pulled out a solid victory, best of three, while I peppered him with pirate puns. Then he amused himself by hampering my attempt at a picture. This is what 11 years of marriage looks like.

I am always looking for more ways to spend quality time with my kids. We read stories together most days each week, and we TALK. My kids love to talk and tell me THINGS. I try to give one night each week to each kid, where I go snuggle with them and talk at bedtime. Sometimes I draw/color pictures with Rose. Sometimes I go on walks with Amber. But not regularly or very often. It's so easy to get swamped in non-kid chores and activities as a mom! I decided to give "real" games another shot.

SO: I bucked my past trend and faced the Jeff-less chaos head-on tonight. I mean, I didn't cook dinner or anything, but after dinner (hot dogs) instead of shooing the loud energetic kids off to play repeatedly (they always come back louder), I gathered them up and got out some games--real games--to play together. I always check the games at Goodwill and buy the good ones, so we have a healthy closet of game options. Our first game tonight was I Spy Eagle Eye, which is kind of like Spot It but with a bell to ding every time you spot an object. After a few rounds, the kids were getting restless so we tallied up and Jay won. Rose drooped in defeat. I told her we would play another game if she promised not to get upset even if she lost.

We agreed on a childhood classic: Slamwich, like Slap Jack but with food pictures on bread-shaped cards. We played and played all the way till bedtime, laughing and slapping and stealing cards right and left. The best part was even Amber could play. She was totally in to carefully laying down a card. Every time she played a card, she called out joyfully, "I winnnn!" I found that as long as I said whose turn it was every. single. time, everyone happily played along well. Jay won again--the boy was on a roll tonight. Rose dissolved a little, but I told her that we all lost except Jay, and there can be only one winner. She replied dramatically "but I lost the worst!" (she had the fewest cards left when we ended the game). We all busted up laughing at her drama, and thankfully she joined in. I pried the Slamwich cards out of Amber's unwilling fingers (she sobbed in defeated exhaustion). Then I hustled them through teeth-potty-scripture-prayer, and the house was quiet at last.

Capturing the full chaotic emotional scope of the situation in one quick picture.

It's not always an option to play with the kids. I believe that kids need to be left alone to play as often as possible so they can be KIDS. But the witching hour sans spousal support requires hands-on in-yo-face mama. Our game night was not perfect, and we were all annoyed at one point or another during it, but we bridged the gap between 6 and 7pm with much more manageable chaos than usual. That's as much of a win as any mother could ask for!

Success Part II: Reading Rose. IT'S HAPPENING! Rose is starting to read real chapter books voluntarily and silently!!! She has been chapter-book-ready for a long time, but no book or series tickled her fancy and she wasn't interested enough to want to read. I have been waiting with bated breath in the background for her to decide to read bigger books, and finally gave her a few nudges in that direction: 

1. Before Christmas break, I told Rose that if she could get ready for school independently without tons of reminders and without any meltdowns for an entire week, she would qualify for a later bedtime. Nothing really came of it during December, but Rose must've been mulling the offer over because when January hit, she transformed from a sluggish morning meltdowner to a bright, motivated speedster in the morning. IT IS THE BEST. She gets ready for school on her own without a struggle, and she now gets to stay up an extra half hour (till 7:30pm) reading. 
2. For Christmas, I gave her the Princess in Black series. We had the first book already and we had sat and read it together. She loved it. And bingo, she read the Princess in Black books she got for Christmas all on her own. I was fanning the flames, but we needed more fuel.
3. Last week at the library, I picked out some books that fit most of the criteria Rose gave me for books she liked. Turns out she was hesitant to read chapter books because she is an artist and really likes pictures in books. I also suspect that she wanted something of her own to read that was more "girly," not just Jay's old Magic Treehouse books. So I grabbed a few likely candidates at the library and as luck would have it, I chose well! 

Strong-willed Rose has always needed to make her own decisions. She won't commit to anything until SHE decides to do it and feels like it was HER idea. That requires some creative parenting. I've learned to guide her strong will rather than force it, so YAY, it's working! (shhhh, don't tell Rose about my persuasive parental plotting...)

Tonight, I asked Rose a question two separate times while she was reading, and she completely didn't hear me. It was awesome--the only kind of ignoring that I am ok with!