The third time is the charm

I am pregnant!

I found out on Tuesday, March 4th. 

As of today, I am 5.5 weeks along.

My due date is November 6th, according to my app. 

That's one month after my sister Em is due. Close cousins!

Those are the facts. Now time for the everything else. 

Usually I hold out as long as I can before I officially announce a pregnancy, but I've never lasted more than 2 weeks before I have to tell people why I'm pukey and pale. So this time I figured, why not? I don't feel like keeping it a secret. It feels like lying! And I feel sort of obligated to warn various people that I will not be reliable or able-bodied for much longer. 

The one hangup with admitting to the world that I'm pregnant this early is the whole possiblility of a miscarriage, of course. But guess what? Miscarriages happen whether you've told people you're pregnant or not, and I already have gone through a miscarriage where I kept it private till it was over, and one where everyone had to be told about the loss. Niether way was any fun, but it's just one of those things that you deal with if you have to. I sure hope I don't have to this time!

Miscarriage. Blah. I have to mention it. I used to shy away from the word completely, especially while I was pregnant. Somehow I felt that if I didn't think about it, it wouldn't happen. Well, this is my fifth (!) pregnancy. So I'm 50/50 for successful pregnancies. This one will tip the scale one way or another. I don't feel immune to the fear of miscarriage, but I do feel more able to accept the possibility. Or maybe it's more that since I've dealt with the loss before, it isn't such a deep dark unknown anymore. I know how it feels and I know I will get through it again if it happened again. Don't get me wrong--I'm terrified of having a miscarriage! What 5 week pregnant woman isn't? But I am doing my best to live by faith instead of fear. It's a challenge. 

Aside from those plaguing fears, I am elated for this opportunity to have another baby! I have been baby hungry for at least 6 months. I feel so ready for a baby in my life again. Rose has been out of diapers for nearly a year now, for goodness sake. BABY BABY BABY. Bring it on. 

Pregnancy is so completely full of highs and lows: one minute I'm in the clouds dreaming about how exciting it will be to finally have another baby of my own, and the next minute I'm praying desperately to NOT have another miscarriage. One minute I'm enjoying a plate of food and the next I'm cringing in nausea. And it's been less than a week since I even found out I'm pregnant! Oh boy.

Basically, I am happy to finally be pregnant again, but feeling rather apprehensive about the next few weeks and dealing with the nausea and related horrors.

Conclusion: elation + terror = pregnant.