Birthday buddies

Happy birthday to me! And happy birthday to my sweet baby Amber. She's 1, I'm 29. I'm going to say something selfish but honest: I don't like sharing my birthday. I have shared my birthday with a close friend ever since I was 15 years old. Leah, the only other Mormon girl in my grade in high school had the same birthday as mine, except she was a year older. So we shared birthdays through high school, but of course she got her drivers license first, turned 18 first, etc. We graduated and went our separate ways. When my first college roommate was unpacking her things into our freshman dorm room, we discovered that we too shared a birthday, but she was a year older than me as well. I have kept in better touch with my roommate Lauren (aka Laurs), than my high school friend Leah--I still call and text Laurs. I love my birthday buddies! These musings are purely selfish.

Birthday buddy #1: Leah and me dressed as Siamese twins from the 80's on Halloween, circa 2001

Birthday buddy #2: Laurs--camping in the Appalachians, circa 2005

I have only shared my birthday at a distance for the past 9 years, since both of these ladies live hundreds of miles from me. Then last year I went and had a baby on my birthday. That was the only thing I really wanted for my birthday last year: to have my baby and NOT be pregnant anymore, so it was a perfect birthday gift. But now I have a lifetime of not only sharing my birthday with a peer and best friend, but also basically giving my birthday to my daughter. Because when you're The Mom, it's never about you. I am guilty of that pretty much every time I call my own Mom: me me me. As an adult and as a parent, my birthday has never really consisted of much. I still cook, clean, change diapers, etc. on my birthday. Tonight I was trying to figure out why I cared at all about sharing my birthday with Amber, when today was rather common. Two ideas came to mind, and now that I wrote them down I noticed that they are kind of the same thing:

1. I like the IDEA of my OWN day. One day that is MINE. Even if nothing particularly exciting happens on that day, I like going through the whole day thinking this is my day and what do I want to do today? But now I have Amber to think of. I'm not regretting giving birth to her on my own birthday--as if I could even control that! It's just that as a mother there are incredibly few things that are 100% mine, and now I have one less thing on that list. It's a sort of deflated sucked-dry kind of feeling.

2. My birthday is no longer mine. When you share a birthday with someone close to you, saying MY birthday sounds selfish. It's OUR birthday now. I will always be cooking Amber's favorite dinner and Amber's favorite cake on November 4th. What does Amber want to do? How can I make this day special for Amber? I'm not bitter at all about this, just reflecting.

Birthday buddy #3: my sweet daughter Amber, circa bedtime last night

I know I could pick any day to celebrate either of our birthdays on, so we each get our own day. But once I've celebrated one birthday, I hardly care about celebrating again right away, especially if it's just for me--it feels more selfish? It's hard to revel in my own day when I know it's someone else's special day too. I feel torn between my own selfish desires and the question of how much do I do/give/say to my birthday partner(s) so I'm nice and helping them have a good day too? Basically I guess I've always used my birthday as an excuse to have one day where I don't worry about other people (besides keeping my kids alive of course).

Rewind! November of my freshman year of college I turned 18. My roommate Laurs had an admirer and I was drawn into his elaborate birthday celebration plans. I don't remember details, but I do remember helping with the whole plan throughout the day on our birthday and then watching them go off to dinner together that night and feeling very lonely and uncelebrated. Laurs was so sweet and sensitive and the next year, for my 19th birthday, she denied all of her personal birthday desires to create the best, sweetest birthday surprise and celebration that I've ever had in my life. But what these two birthdays tell me is that it seems like only one birthday buddy can have an awesome birthday! The other person is just working. Of course serving others brings joy, blah blah yeah, but aren't birthdays kind of a free "me" pass? haha, I sound so bad writing this!

My 19th birthday, 2005: Laurs made 3 cakes so there would be enough for all the people celebrating with us.

Ok, I think this is as far as I'm going to get with writing these thoughts before I sound like a completely narcissistic lazy bum! I love birthdays and making them special for others. I love making my own birthday special for me too! Maybe someday I'll figure out how to do both in the same day. The end.

My little birthday bundle.

[more birthday details later]