Reliable

Our family has had at least one sick or recovering member for the past two months straight, with the exception of a few scattered days here and there. This week Jay and Rose stayed home from school for a few days with a fever, their limp tired bodies draped all over the couch. Then I got a cough and sore throat, and Amber threw up this morning. After a week of scampering around pestering every sick family member in reach, it's Amby's turn with the bug, poor limp feverish girl. This afternoon while Amber was sprawled across my lap with a sad sick pout on her lips, I took a picture of us together on the couch in our quiet house. I thought to myself, "this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now."

One of the hardest parts about being a stay at home parent now that my kids are getting a bit older is the nagging feeling that I should be doing more. I don't get up and go to work in the morning; I never left work the night before--being at home is my job. But I only have one kid left at home--isn't it lazy for me NOT to have a paying job or to be furthering my own education or at least to sweep the kitchen floor every day? Whenever I turn on a movie for Amber or snuggle up with a book during her naptime, part of me wonders if I'm being lazy. Is it lazy to sit and simply hold a child, doing nothing else? Does it "count?" 

First of all, self, nobody is keeping score. The missing piece to my self-care puzzle seems to be my own nebulous assumption that if I am not actively Working At My Job then I am being lazy. The secret about parenthood is that you are always working at that job, even if you turn on a movie while slipping off to the next room to write a blog post. But even when the kids are asleep or a movie is playing, I am still HERE--available to help if I am needed. That is the big exhausting truth of motherhood: "being there" is the main job requirement, but it doesn't always require specific action. When I have a sick kid at home, "being there" seems much more defined: I check on her and feel her forehead. I clean up her vomit and do the laundry. I bring her water and tuck her blanket back in. I hold and comfort her limp miserable little body. I turn on movies for her. I have Motherly Things To Do, and I feel more useful--less lazy. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Being There is a big job, even if it doesn't have a list of steps, a paycheck, or a start and finish time. I guess it's easy to feel lazy next to those amazing working mothers who do it all. Everyone has to do what's right for their own situation. Some moms work outside the home, some don't. I am not writing about that debate; I am simply discussing my own struggles with this mom-gig. Most days I feel exhausted enough by general mom-life that none of these qualms about laziness even come to mind. (Everyone else is being so lazy! I'm the only one working around here!) But every now and then I pause and ponder little guilt trips and worries in an attempt to weed them out. I guess I worry about being lazy. I have one kid to take care of between 9am and 4pm. There is a whole lot of potential for laziness in that long stretch of time. But Being There is never lazy, as long as it is not done reluctantly. Being there to help open a baggie or clip that Lego arm back on or read a story or answer a question is meaningful and important--not lazy. My kids can rely on me. 

I can't possibly be a very comfortable lounge chair, but my sick 3 year old feels best on my lap. That means more than meets the eye. Today I feel so grateful that I have always been able to stay home with my kids for my full-time job. Sometimes I feel taken for granted, and other times I feel unimportant or lazy for staying home. But I am always HERE. My kids know it. They trust me. They know they can rely on me. That feels significant and important.

In the words of a wise friend, "Mothers bring so much steadiness and security to a family. Their contribution to the feeling and influence on the home and family cannot be overstated!" I know some truly delightful profound people.  

I am not lazy; I am important. I am a full-time mom, and I am always here.