If not now, then when?

I wrote this post on Tuesday but never posted it because I couldn't figure out exactly how to say what I wanted to say without adopting a plaintive tone. Today I started tweaking the words to make them more true to my thoughts, but I had to dash out on some errands before I finished. So for the third time, I am sitting down to finally finish this post! It is a good exercise because after a morning with the most Amber-ish of Ambers, I am not feeling quite so warm and fuzzy about my motherhood prowess. You win some, you lose some. Monday was a win. If I focus on Monday right now, maybe Thursday will ease up on me.

After driving Jay and Rose to school Monday morning, I met my friend Leslie at the bike path for a run (My friend Leslie is not to be confused with my mother in law Leslie, who, while also friendly, is not the friend I ran with). We ended up running seven miles while pushing our strollers and it felt fine during the easy paced conversational jog, but by lunchtime I was dragging! The bounce was gone from my bungee. But the day was only half over, and Amber wanted to play. While she was repeating her request to go on the jumpaline for the dozenth time, I realized something: if not now, then when? I will never regret spending time with my kids even on a tired day, but I will (and do) regret times when I chose not to say yes and spend time with them.

So I recharged a little bit on the couch, then somewhat reluctantly succumbed to Amber's insistent arm-tugging and went out to the trampoline with her. I lasted about 15 minutes on the trampoline with a very happy bouncy Amber before offering to push her on the swing instead (standing and pushing is much easier than jumping). She agreed readily and I pushed her for a while before it was time to leave for piano lessons.

While Jay and Rose were at piano lessons, I took Amber to the nearby Yakima River so she could throw rocks into the water. I was tired enough just to want to sit in the car while Amber played on the iPad, but I made the decision not to bring the iPad. Amber has been way too emotional about the iPad lately, and it has resulted in a legitimate black eye FROM the iPad. Seriously--Amber sustained a black eye from a collision with the iPad over the weekend:

Amber's smoothie mustache is slightly darker than her mild black iPad eye, but it is funny how similar in color the two are.

So during piano lessons, I drove Amber to the nearby Yakima River since I was not in the mood to take her to the park or hand her the iPad. I thought it would be easier to keep track of her on the small boat launch along the riverfront than at the large busy park. However, it being springtime, the normally shallow slow river was exceptionally high and the current was zooming past our toes as we stood on the shore. It was alarming enough that I was not comfortable being more than an arm's length from Amber the whole time we were there. That is not conducive to the type of free independent play I had envisioned. Amber got increasingly bolder with her river interactions, so we ended up leaving after about 20 minutes. (I'm surprised we lasted that long)

 Stepping back far enough to snap these pictures felt like a huge risk.

When Jay and Rose were done with piano lessons, we had 40 minutes to burn before our next appointment (I tend to load our Monday afternoons since we are already out and about for piano lessons and for me the hardest part about outings is GETTING out/herding the masses into the van). So we took the scenic route back to Sunnyside in search of cherry blossoms. I love knowing the countryside well enough to know which orchards are biggest and fluffiest (aka, which orchards have cherry trees). We drove past gorgeous blooming cherry orchards south of Grandview and wound our way over to Sunnyside the back way. We stopped and took pictures. Cherry blossoms are SO BEAUTIFUL!

Rose always appreciates beauty with her entire soul.

Amber had watched Rose's arms-wide-open poses, so she copied it when it was her turn for a picture.

Jay was very concerned about trespassing, since there were No Trespassing signs everywhere. Amber was less concerned, and dashed off down a row of trees before we could grab her. Thankfully she came back and we were able to keep her on the edge of the orchard with us. One of these years I'd love to make friends with an orchard owner so we can walk up and down the long white rows of blossoms instead of hovering in the roadside ditch on the borders!

Rose is always willing to pose for a picture. Amber is usually not.

I attempted to get a picture with my daughters and the flowers. It resulted in this amusing series:

 [Amber was sitting on my crouched legs and I was about to tip over--hence the distressed face]

Rose chose our pose. It wasn't quite...visible...balanced...

Admitting selfie defeat and moving back to blossom admiration:

The orchards were filled with the low hum of bees buzzing from blossom to blossom. Can you see the bee hovering in the upper middle area of this picture? I was excited to get a picture of him.

 Not exactly the pure blue skies of my dreams, but I'll take partly cloudy with zero wind over the blasting 20-30 mph winds we've had most days this spring.

Zoomed out to show our narrow roadside jurisdiction near the orchard.

I coerced Jay into coming out for a few pictures. He was seriously so funny about trespassing! I assured him that we were not going to get arrested for standing on the side of the road with beautiful blossoms at our backs.

Puffy whiteness, as far as the eye can see.

Back in Sunnyside, we drove around the corner from our house to the farm of a family in our ward who had invited us over to see their baby goats. We enjoyed patting and admiring the goats, bunnies, miniature horses, big horses, and the kids even got to ride a horse! It was a pleasant hour, even if keeping a hold of Amber was like trying to catch a cloud and pin it down. She was floating and flying every which way, which was fine in the goat's field, but not so fine around the big horses. She scooped pellets into the bunny's water bowl. She squealed in mixed fear and pleasure when the goats nosed her cheeks. In short, Amber was in seventh heaven. Jay was more cautious, as is his way, but he still enjoyed himself. He said he liked the fuzzy miniature horses best (they were small and calm). Rose was very enthusiastic about every animal, especially the horseback ride--she took two turns. 

KIDS meet KIDS

It was virtually impossible to take pictures while gripping Amber by the arm to keep her from meeting a hoof-printed death, but this quiet sweet miniature horse was so cute--shedding like it's springtime, but cute like a fuzzball.

This was the biggest horse these kids have ever ridden! He was a patient old fellow, being led round and round the ring with various numbers and configurations of children on his back.

With many thank-yous for our neighbors' kindness and patience, we left for home at 6pm. Thankfully I had dinner in the crock pot, because we were hungry!

In spite of my tiredness, I (somehow) managed to make Monday a present, yes-type of day. I still got frustrated at times and I was definitely worn out by all of the activities, but I was there, experiencing it all with my kids and nothing can replace that. The keys were: a crock pot dinner, springtime weather, and an invitation from friends. The day was not without its challenges, but at the end of it I felt satisfied with my mom-choices. So I labeled Monday as a Good Day, because if not now, then when?