Subbing

Jeff stayed home from work to aid his mental health recovery on Monday, March 18th. He asked if I would sub for him at track practice that afternoon. Since I am already a district employee via my job as assistant cross country coach, I am a perfectly legal fingerprinted, security screened adult person to help out with track practice last minute. After careful thought (aka mentally bracing myself for hours of stress and agonizing), I agreed to sub. I was a nervous wreck and had to give myself mental pep talks all day. I could not think about it while I was eating because being nervous makes my appetite flee. I kept telling myself things like "it's ridiculous that you're even nervous--you know half of the track team's distance crew from cross country!" and "You've solo-coached a group of high schoolers twice this size more than once. You can do this."


My positive self talk kind of helped, but the thing that helped the most was when I had Jeff tell me every single thing that was happening at track practice, from the team warm-up to the workout to the cool-down to the core work. I wrote everything down on a note card and kept it in my pocket. It soothed me quite a lot. What can I say? I'm a girl who thrives on careful planning.

While the entire combined track and field team must have over 70 athletes on it, I was only in charge of shepherding 19 distance runners through a workout of cruise intervals (5 minutes on, 1 minute off, times five). I knew over half of them from cross country, but I nearly lost my nerve when I realized I forgot the whistle. Thankfully the teenagers are good sports and several people volunteered to help me with shouting instructions across the track when I needed it. By halfway through practice, I was back into my "coaching groove" and it felt way more normal than I expected it to. Whew! After practice I enjoyed the cozy feeling of driving home to my spouse and kids after a "long 2.5 hours at work." Haha. But it felt good to return from the track practice bursting with wild cards and unknowns to my safe haven of a home with my four favorite, well-known people.

Surreptitious stress-selfie at the beginning of practice.

The next day Jeff came home and told me that the girls on the track team liked having me coach them. He also told me that one of the experienced coaches asked Jeff how long I've been teaching. He assumed that I was a teacher because "she had such good rapport with the kids and that's 90% of teaching anyways!" I was rather stunned by that secondhand high praise. I didn't even think anyone really noticed me at practice, and if they did notice me I thought they'd see an incompetent greenie with floppy crowd control and a weak voice! The kind words made me feel good, even though I had a hard time believing them. Me? Rapport with teenagers? HAHAHA! I'm just glad I didn't dissolve into a quivering puddle of terror at the sight of them!

Leadership takes practice, and I was definitely rusty on my teenage leadership skills. But it was good to be reminded that even though being in charge of teenagers scares me, I also enjoy it once I talk down my stress to a manageable level. Hello, Shaina-paradox: coaching is scary but fun.