On the same day that Amber turned 6, I turned 34. This year I finally really surrendered my birthday to my daughter. In many ways I did much better at sharing what used to be my day. Jeff gave me my birthday gift several weeks early. As much as possible, I referred to November 4th as Amber's birthday, and it came easier to me than in past years. It almost worked too well--Jay and Rose didn't acknowledge my birthday at all! Not that a parent can really expect or care too much if her kids forget about her birthday, though I do like birthday cards.
Jeff gave me a new phone for my birthday gift. The "gift" part of my new phone was the fact that it was not a used refurbished device; it was brand new! Over the past few years, I've found the best value in buying used flagship phones rather than new budget/lower-end phones. For this birthday gift, I went for a new flagship phone! It's a Google Pixel 4. It was a relief to finish the irksome task of setting up a new phone and finding a suitable case for it. The main difference between my previous phone and my new one is that the new phone doesn't need to be charged three times per day. Upgrade central!
Earlier this year, I half-jokingly, half-seriously decided that when I turn 40, I would get a mountain bike for my birthday, so I could have an alternative form of exercise when my aches and pains increased as I aged. Then a combination of events came together that inspired Jeff and I both to get mountain bikes six years sooner--last month. I teased Jeff that he used two massive birthday gift ideas up in one year! He just smiled. Even though I scored zero points for "gifts" on the love language quiz, it still warmed my heart that he couldn't resist giving me two big gifts.
On my actual birthday, a kind friend brought me chocolate and another sweet lady from our ward brought me flowers. The night before my birthday, I ordered Thai food from the nearest Thai restaurant (30 minutes away) and Jeff brought it home for my birthday dinner. I ordered enough so I could have leftovers on my actual birthday while everyone else ate dairy-drenched cheese pizza. My parents sent me a Happy Light and a darling Henrietta egg cooker, which I saved to open on the morning of November 4th. When our local family gathered that night, my kind sister in law Steph gave me a box of divine Trader Joe's dark chocolate peanut butter cups and some fancy hand soap.
My gifts were above and beyond well taken care of. That helped me let go of my beloved November 4th a little. But since gifts are not one of my love languages, I still felt a little hollow as my birthday approached. I also felt guilty for feeling hollow due to the sheer quantity and quality of my gifts! Thankfully, I realized a reason for that hollowness: my love language craved words of affirmation!
Feeling like a greedy wife, I asked Jeff for a third birthday gift: a letter from him. Then I spent the next day trying to temper my soaring hopes to brace myself for the possibility that he might forget. After the kids were in bed on the night of my birthday, I still hadn't seen Jeff's letter. I didn't want to let it go and harbor sad wounded disappointed feelings indefinitely. Communication is key to marriage, so I took a deep breath and asked Jeff if he was going to write me a letter. Somewhat smugly, he told me to look under my pillow. My birthday letter of dreams was waiting there! It was my favorite gift.
Even though I did quite well with sacrificing my own special day in favor of Amber's, it was still hard for the usual reason: nothing is my own. My beloved children have sucked so much out of me, both literally and metaphorically, to the point that not even my birthday belongs to me anymore! Sweet sweet motherhood and her unlimited opportunities for sacrifice. I used to think that the main sacrifices of motherhood were limited to the physical rigors of the childbearing and baby years. Hah. In reality, the physical sacrifices are just a tiny sliver of Maternal Sacrifice Pie.
While listening in church on Sunday, I re-learned/remembered that each trial is tailored to be specifically hard for the individual who experiences it so we can learn and grow in the ways we need to most. Clearly 34 year old Shaina is still learning how to share.
2014
1 comment:
To me, November 4 will ALWAYS belong to you! From the moment you were born, you have been a JOY.
Post a Comment