A few minutes

If you can't tell by my last post about my invisibility cloak, it was a long week. It was parent teacher conference week at the high school. Jeff and I barely saw each other for a few minutes per day all week. Monday and Tuesday were parent teacher conferences until nearly 8pm. Wednesday night was youth activities from 6:30-8pm for all three kids at the church, with a Relief Society presidency meeting for me during that time. On Thursday, Jeff coached another swim meet way out at Moses Lake High School, and didn't get home till 9:30pm. This series of events came right after last week's Thursday and Saturday far-away late night swim meets, so we were already in "together-time-debt" when the week began!

We were all settled in for family movie night on Friday when Jeff's phone rang and he had to take a 15 minute call from a sports therapist who's been trying to reach him for weeks. That 15 minutes was the ultimate test of our endurance. The kids and I all had to resist the strong urge to go latch onto Jeff's limbs and demand his attention, haha.

Journal clips:

Monday, January 23rd: It was sunny again today! I went on a run before the sun came out, but still. It was nice having sun in wintertime. I encountered several dogs on my run when I tried branching out from my usual 3 roads, and I had to turn around to escape twice. So annoying. The dogs weren't a red-level threat, but I was not in the mood to risk it today, especially since I forgot to carry my pepper spray.

Jeff had parent teacher conferences tonight. He dropped Jay off at home after swim practice, and I stepped outside in my slippers to say hi to Jeff before he went back to the school for a few hours of conferences. Jeff got out of his car and ran over to where I stood on the sidewalk. He picked me up, kissed me, and said "I love you!" Then he ran back to the car and went back to work. 

Tuesday, January 24th: This morning, Amber said our family prayer before everyone left for the day. In the prayer, she said "please help us to have a good day at school, and please help Mom to have a good day relaxing at home." I snorted softly in humor/indignation mid-prayer when I heard these words. After the prayer ended, I said "I'll do my best to take a break from all that relaxing I do to make sure everyone has rides and food and clothes and etc." Jeff saw the humor in Amber's prayer too, and he knew how I felt about it since this has come up before. Kids have such a funny perception of what their parents do. I do my best to let my kids know that I don't spend my day relaxing around the house, but clearly I'm not getting through to Amber. Before he left for school, sweet Jay said "I know you do so much work, Mom." I WILL teach my kids that being a stay at home parent is not the easy way out!

This morning all of my recent stressful and emotional boomerangs came back to whack me at once, plus the normal daily life stuff, like taking care of my family and budgeting and housework and taking care of myself and all of the dozens of other things. This happens every now and then, when All of The Things weigh more heavily on me and I feel burdened by a load of cares.

Once Amber had caught the school bus, I snuggled up on the couch to read Mark chapter 1 in the New Testament. I read the first 13 verses, and I stopped there to ponder. The Spirit taught me so many small meaningful treasures of lessons as I pondered, and my burdens felt more bearable. I am so thankful for the peace that is in Jesus Christ.

Mark 1:12-13 is about Jesus' wilderness experience right after his baptism:

"And immediately the Spirit driveth [took] him [Jesus] into the wilderness. And he was there in the wilderness forty days, tempted of Satan; and was with the wild beasts; and the angels ministered unto him."

What happens in my wilderness is similar to Jesus' wilderness experience: in my wilderness, I face temptations and wild/scary beasts (physical and metaphoric). Amidst the difficulties of my wilderness, I am also ministered to by angels in the form of dear family & friends. The Lord sends tender mercies to the wilderness!

Also of note, the Spirit (not Satan) took Jesus to the wilderness. This teaches me that the wilderness of life is part of my necessary journey, so I can learn and grow spiritually there like Jesus did.

After I pondered and wrote down these thoughts, I listened to a Marco Polo message that my good friend Lauren sent me early this morning, and it was such a sweet kind message that I cried. I felt so SEEN. My dear friend is having her own set of difficulties right now, but she took the time to say some super nice, specific things to me. Her kind words were a balm to my heavy heart, and I cried in gratitude for my dear friend seeing me in her unique way like nobody else does. I saw the truth of angels ministering to me in my wilderness, happening before my very eyes. 

After I finished listening to that message, I cried for a bit more, and they weren't sad tears or spiritual tears or stressed tears, they were cathartic tears--a needed emotional release. I don't have those tears very often, and they were cleansing (even though they gave me a headache). Somehow my burdens eased and I felt a deep calm peace settle in my chest.

Jeff had his last night of parent teacher conferences tonight, and I managed to remember to have family scripture after dinner without him (unlike last night). When Jeff got home at 7:41pm, we all gathered and had family prayer together. 

Thursday, January 26th: This morning started with an orange juice explosion. As I walked into the kitchen, Jeff said "the floor is wet...!" right as I stepped in it. The lid to the OJ jug was loose when Amber shook it, and sticky juice went everywhere. Amber wiped it up with a dish rag, but juice spills always necessitate a mop job. I did a mountain of dishes, mopped the kitchen, and cleaned the bathroom sink all by 8:30am today. Why the bathroom sink? Surely the orange juice didn't make it that far! It didn't. It's a Shaina-issue. Once I start cleaning, I have a hard time stopping! I had to restrain my inner cleaning compulsion and limit myself to cleaning just 3 things. I am going to be such a fastidious old cat lady. Not a cat lady with pet cats (I'm allergic); an old lady who is like a cat in her precision for order, quiet, and cleanliness. Hah. I'll try not to be a grouch about it!

Rosie stayed home sick from school today. She probably has whatever Jay had last week.

Jeff coached a swim meet in Moses Lake tonight and didn't get home till 9:30pm. I was waiting for him and looking forward to him coming home. He called me while he was driving home from dropping the school van off, and he told me about the crazy thick fog he had to drive through on the way home from the meet--he had to use GPS to navigate the familiar route because it was so foggy! When he got home, he hugged and kissed me and helped me finish putting the clean sheets on the bed, and then he started getting ready for bed. We said prayers together, and that was it. 20 minutes of husband time today, if it even can count as that. Sniff.

It left me wondering why is it lonelier and worse when Jeff finally comes home but he is so fried from the long day that he has no energy left for me? I just wrote a whole essay about my invisibility cloak and posted it on the blog, and thought I was in a nice sturdy emotionally resilient place tonight. But then this too-tired-husband situation happened and emphasized my invisibility cloak yet again, leaving me feeling sad and lonely and invisible. Sigh. I'll keep taking care of myself and Jeff will recover and it will get better again. But right now, it stinks. It really has been a LONG week. 

Friday, January 27th: It was sunny and 55 degrees today!! I went running in shorts and short sleeves and sunglasses at noon and it felt medicinal. Amazing. Rose stayed home from school today still recovering from her headachy stuffy limp sickness. She watched classic Disney cartoon movies all day again.

This evening Jeff came home from swim practice feeling energetic and happy. It was so good to have my husband back, I kind of collapsed emotionally and my mood got all needy and grumpy. We had family movie night and family prayer. Then Jeff gave me a foot rub and we lounged on pillows on the bed talking for almost 2 hours. Slowly my crumpled spirits unfurled from this long lonely week. I tell myself I can take care of myself, and I can, but I sure love being able to feel the love and support of my husband, because we are a team! Also, I think I may be getting the sickness that everyone else in my house has or has had, which seems like a fitting finale to this week.

Rose, Amber, and their neighbor friend Dekker, heading out on an adventure.

Tuesday morning hit hard. Jay was still recovering from his cold, and Amber was still waking up under her blanket.

Jay noticed me taking a picture and gave a halfhearted early morning thumbs up.

Rose went back to the piano for a little more practicing once she was all ready for school.

It was a week of peachy sunrises.

I am using a New Testament Journal Edition for our Come Follow Me reading this year, and it is so nice to have room to write thoughts right next to the verses. It shouldn't be any different having a notebook next to the scriptures, but somehow it is different having the notebook combined in the scriptures. It encourages me to actually write something every time I read, which encourages me to think more.

Shorts and sunshine on a run in January!

Family scripture time on Tuesday night. It's not easy reading all of those Bible verses! We did skip the genealogy verses in Luke chapter 3 this week, for sanity.

There was one thick yucky foggy morning for me to run through this week, but even that cleared up by afternoon.

Everyone likes to snuggle with Freddy (Rose's giant teddy bear). 

Limp sick Rose.

Amber came home from her church activity on Wednesday night with an armful of paper airplanes. She kept flying them around the family room and hitting us on random body parts until I banned them. 

Amber grabbed me by the armpit when I tried taking a selfie with her. 

Look at that satisfied mischievous grin! She was so proud of herself for tickling me and messing up the picture! I held her elbow to save myself from another tickle attack. We were both laughing so hard!

Saturday morning, Rose and Amber built the most comfortable nest they could, using all of their soft things and all of their blankets. Then they watched Disney movies for most of the day while Rose recovered from her sickness. Amber said "my throat is grouchy" when she started having a sore throat, but it never really got worse than that so she was kind of wild after resting all day Saturday with Rose.