Where the White Things Are: Two Birthdays

On Monday, November 4th, Amber turned 10 and I turned 38. We celebrated Amber's birthday in full a day early on Sunday afternoon and evening, starting with presents before moving on to an extended family gathering that included a big dinner, a pinata, and birthday brownies. Amber soaked it all in and felt very loved and special. Reaching double digits is a big deal!

For the tenth year in a row, Amber requested mac and cheese for her birthday dinner. But I can't stomach dairy, so I needed to make something else to supplement the meal. Amber's other request was a pinata, so I went to our local Mexican grocery store, Fiesta Foods--my inside sources told me they have the best pinatas in town. What my sources did not tell me was that the best pinatas in town are also the most expensive pinatas in town. I spent nearly $50 on the pinata and one bag of multi-colored mini marshmallow packets to fill it with.

While I was at Fiesta Foods, I decided to try and get everything else I needed for the birthday dinner so I didn't have to go to another store. Since I was underprepared for this shopping trip, I wandered around the store trying to decide what to make for the dairy-free portion of the meal, finally selecting a few packages of pre-seasoned taco meat. The packages did not specify what animal the meat came from, which was a bit concerning, but Fiesta Foods is reliable with this type of thing so I kept the faith and bought it (spoiler alert: it was so good). Mac and tacos! A true Sunnyside fusion meal. I still had to go to Walmart to pick up the school treat for Amber's 4th grade class (individually packaged pink and white animal cookies), but eventually I made it home in one piece.

After church and lunch on Sunday, November 3rd, I took Amber's birthday picture and printed her birthday interview. Jeff and I tossed Amber's gifts into a few frayed ancient gift bags from our under-the-bed stockpile, hung the birthday banner, and called the kids into the family room. Amber opened her four gifts from us: a new watch band, a new book, a rock tumbler, and a rock display case. She also received a book about rocks and a $10 bill from Grama Meri and Grampa Charley, and a homemade card with $10 in it from Rose. Rose gave ten of her very own dollars to Amber and wrote her the sweetest note in her birthday card! (I must confess to feeling a tiny bit jealous of that note. Rose did make me a birthday card, with the standard "happy birthday Mom, I love you" on the inside.) Later, when the extended White family came, they gave Amber money too and she felt so wealthy.

After present opening, I coerced my family into recreating our first-ever family-of-five selfie that we took on the day Amber was born 10 years ago. It was hilarious trying to position much-bigger kids around me, especially Amber, who was a 7.5 pound burrito baby no longer.

The official birthday meal was this: a quadruple batch of macaroni and cheese (4 lbs of pasta, half a gallon of milk, etc.--it was big), 4 pounds of taco meat (which ended up being delicious), a large pan of roasted cauliflower and yams sprinkled with chili powder, salad (plain lettuce in a bowl), and brownies for dessert. The one adaptation I did not manage was to find myself a birthday dessert (since chocolate is also on the list of Shaina-tummy-troublers). I got some surprisingly tasty apple fritters from Walmart a few days later and they passed for my birthday treat.

After everyone ate and was filled, we went out to the barn for the pinata. Jay hung it from a basketball hoop and everyone got at least 3 turns swinging at it before it was destroyed. The marshmallow packets I had crammed into the pinata kind of got stuck so when the pinata broke, it didn't rain candy down; a few packets plopped to the ground and the rest stayed stuck inside. Hardly any of the marshmallows even fit inside the pinata, though, so the final break was slightly underwhelming. I wasn't sad to have minimal candy, especially four days after an exceptionally sugary Halloween. The kids played in the basement for a while and then we had birthday brownies! I forgot that I had given away our extra candles at the last family birthday dinner, so we had to make do with a number 1 candle and a tea light for the 1-0 digits. It worked. Amber is officially ten years old!

Normally I feel a raw mix of feelings around November 4th: Motherly pangs that my youngest child is getting older. Nostalgia for her cute soft baby fuzz and deep trusting eyes. Taken for granted since I inevitably have to cook extra and clean and work my booty off on my birthday in order to celebrate my child's birthday. Frustrated that my family struggles to remember that it's my birthday too. Robbed because as a mother, I already give so much, why do I have to give up my birthday too? Disbelief that my baby is so totally not a baby anymore. Memories of her birth and early childhood. This potent mix swirls around in my head and heart, making November 4th an emotional rollercoaster.

This year, however, I was simply too tired to dive deep into all of my usual birthday feelings. I saw my fast-growing teenage-ten-year-old and loved her current self, but I didn't deviate into all of the other usual nostalgic feelings. I acknowledged that it was my birthday and got myself a gift, but didn't really have energy to push back or demand my own birthday space, or to make decisions on what I wanted to do for MY birthday. I was just too tired! It has been a long cross country season. The state XC meet is usually on or right next to my birthday, but this year it was a week later, so that load had not yet lifted by my birthday, and I just couldn't scare up the energy to celebrate.

It helped that Jeff actually got me a birthday present this year (he was proud of himself for remembering amidst the chaos, ha). Yeah, we normally do gifts on Shaina Day in June and "count" those as birthday and Mother's Day gifts, but after a present-free barren birthday last year, I laid out a few basic birthday guidelines: SAY happy birthday to me on my birthday, give me a gift, and write me a note. This year two out of those three things happened, and it made my birthday 66.3% better than last year, even without my emotional involvement.

On Sunday night once the extended family had left and the dinner was cleaned up (Jeff washed a pile of large pots and pans while Jay, Rose, and I worked on the kitchen), Jeff took me aside and gave me his present, wrapped in a blanket. It was a new humidifier! On the surface that seems like the most boring gift of all time, but this is age 38, people: that humidifier is awesome! It doesn't make ANY glugging or gurgling sounds, it has no annoying power light to shine in my dark bedroom, and the tank is five liters so it lasts 3-4 nights without a water refill! The real gift hidden in my sleek new humidifier was nearly priceless: better sleep.

It was also a thoughtful gift: My old humidifier stopped working when I tried using it again a few weeks ago, and I had been uninspired to find a new one ever since. (Do I get the same one and resign myself to it breaking after just 2 years, or do I research and find a hopefully better one?) Jeff kept telling me to wait till Black Friday sales, and I kept thinking "since when do you care about Black Friday?" I understood his tactics the minute I opened the humidifier.

While everyone was at school on Monday, my actual birthday, I did only things that I wanted to do. I didn't do any laundry, but I did wipe the kitchen counters. I didn't do the grocery shopping but I did play the piano for an hour and a half. I didn't take a nap but I did watch an episode of a K-drama. I didn't run my traditional birthday time trial (it was cold and rainy), but I did go to cross country practice that afternoon and ran in the crazy 20mph sustained wind with harder gusts. I didn't actually want to run in that awful windstorm, but I also didn't want to abandon our sweet team.

Jeff had asked me on a birthday dinner date to our league cross country post-season coaches' meeting at a diner in Ellensburg. So after practice and a quick shower, we left our kids at home to eat the plentiful leftover birthday dinner and drove the hour to Ellensburg. The real treat of this date was the alone time in the car for two hours round trip: time with Jeff's undivided attention and zero interruptions! The actual coach meeting was interesting, but the diner food was not my favorite. It was edible, but it tasted like uninspired cafeteria food rather than quaint cafe in a college town charging $20 per plate. I plan to get some Thai food very soon to make up for it. Still, Jeff and I had a pleasant drive together talking about everything and making plans. Time with my best friend is the best gift.

Here's an anecdote to give a fun and accurate snapshot of ten year old Amber Kay White:

We decided to let Amber sit in the front seat of the van now that she's 10 and she's bigger than some adults we know. Thursday morning Amber joyfully sat in the front seat of the van on the way to school, reveling in the heated seat and the flip down visor mirror.

Quick background info: During family scripture this week, we read the Mormon 9:31, Mormon talks about mistakes in his writing, and if we find imperfections in the Book of Mormon, we can be thankful that we can learn from it and be more wise than he was. We told the kids that when they grow up they get to choose what to do with their own families: if there are things that we did with our family that they liked, they can choose to do that with their own family, and if there are things that we did that they didn't like, they can choose do things differently when they grow up, because we want them to improve and be better than us.

Thursday morning on the way to school, Amber was clearly still mulling that over. With no preamble, she launched into the topic:

"I like what you did with letting me sit in the front seat when I'm 10," she said. "I think I'll do that with my kids. But I think I will give my kids a bigger bed when they are younger, like when they are 10."

(Amber really wants a queen sized bed, and we told her she would get one when she's a teenager.)

Amber continued her musings: "I also will let my kids have birthday parties every year. I will be a birthday party mom. They won't be expensive parties--they will be at our house. But on big birthdays, like when they reach double digits I will let them choose a place to go for a party. I will be a fun mom." Here she paused, looked over at me, and then patted my shoulder.

"No offense, Mom."

Another pause and more shoulder-patting.

"You do some fun things, like we go places sometimes."

HAH! I guess I am not a fun mom! Mostly probably because I don't do big friend birthday parties or get big beds for 10 year olds! Hahaha. I forced myself not to laugh in the moment, but to take all of Amber's thoughts seriously. I told Amber she should write down this list of things she wants to do when she's a fun mom, but she was certain she'd remember everything and wouldn't need a list. All of this was just so classic. It made me chuckle.

We love our Amber!

The 10 year old.

The birthday interview: Jeff did the interview with Amber while I was cooking her birthday dinner. When Jeff asked Amber "what is scary?" Amber first said "Mongolians." We were kind of taken aback. I thought she was referring to the Huns in the movie Mulan, which was so random, but Amber kept trying to tell us it was a type of large spider. We never figured out what type of large spider sounds like the word "Mongolian." I was surprised that Amber said she liked talking and baking with me, because we don't bake together often, but we do go to the library twice a month together! I put great effort into taking her to the library, but I guess it isn't as special as baking together. What's the last thing we baked together? I mean, we made apricot jam together back in August. Maybe that counts as baking?

Amber, trying to levitate some playdough with her broken-and-taped chopstick wand.

We brought home a few bags of leftover hot dog buns from the cross country banquet, so Jay used three to craft oblong breakfast paninis filled with eggs, bacon, and sausage. Jay loves creating interesting meals for himself with whatever protein sources he finds in the fridge.

Amber, ready to open her presents!

Rocks and Gems: Amber's favorite.

Amber actually started reading her new Diary of a Wimpy Kid book right then and there, before she was done opening her other two gifts. Jay had to get her attention and tell her to hurry up and open the rest of the presents.

First family selfie vs. current family selfie. We almost recreated the original perfectly, but it was too hard to get Amber to lay across my chest at the same angle that she did as a newborn, so we compromised.