Eighteen Thousand

 We heard back from Nissan! When the factory recall procedure bricked and ruined Jeff's electric car six weeks ago, Nissan promised to pay us Kelley Blue Book value plus 40% to replace the car. Jeff estimated it would be about $14,000, which was not quite enough for an electric car with more than 120 miles of range, but still better than nothing. The replacement car he bought was $20,000. Once Nissan's payment came through, it would take us another uncomfortable year to pay off that last $6k, when we had just finished paying off the original car a few weeks before it was ruined! It was such an annoying financial setback, but what could we do? All month it was in the back of my mind, wondering how we would save any money over the next year while paying for such an expensive car. Nissan took its sweet time getting all of the information and paperwork together, and this week, nearly six weeks after the car died, they finally told us the amount they deemed sufficient to replace it. In a rare twist of fate, the replacement payout was more than we expected! On Friday, Jeff texted me one number with no explanation: 

$18,466

Immediately I knew what it meant. Immediately relief flooded my mind. Immediately I felt that this was a larger-than-hoped for answer to prayers. We're always taught to hope and pray and then accept that answers aren't always/usually what we want. I've gotten pretty good at that! But this time the answer was so much more than I hoped for, the drastic-ness of it immediately made me recognize it as a huge blessing. I didn't stake my faith on this financial question mark or anything, and we would have made things work regardless of the amount, somehow, like we always do. But when Nissan came back with so much more than we hoped for, I immediately and easily recognized it for the massive blessing it was. 

We manage our money as carefully as we can so that we can buy shoes, etc. for kids on our team who need it, and also so that we can travel. This year we ended up traveling way more than expected, and at the end of the summer I was wondering if we would have to cut back on shoe contributions because of the extra travel, which felt sad and selfish. Then the car issue slammed into us and I really started wondering how we would keep doing all the things. We did keep doing all the things, getting kids on our team what they needed (4 pairs of shoes in the last month), hoping for the best along the way, while also shaving and saving wherever we could. Of course many more factors were at play than I can share here, but hopefully I shared enough details to highlight the humbling magnitude of this moment.

$18,466 is going straight into the replacement car. We will be able to pay off the remaining balance in two months. Two payments. I could weep in gratitude and amazement. 

Here's another trial, that doesn't have a conclusion yet: The instep of my left foot has been hurting for the past month, making me miss my physical therapist friend Daniel Hernandez, who moved to Idaho over the summer. On a particularly footsore evening (Tuesday Sept 15th) last week, I sent him a text message to say hi, see how the move went, and express amusement at how being in pain makes me think of him. The next morning (September 16th), Jeff and I were talking about one of our former runners who graduated and got a full ride scholarship at a D-1 university. This guy came to our home cross country meet and he did not look well. He was injured and just wasn't feeling well. Jeff and I were worried about him, but what could we do? While we were talking on Wednesday morning, the thought popped into my head to text Daniel Hernandez, DPT. Daniel had helped our runner heal from other issues during high school, so they knew each other pretty well. I sent the text message.

Wednesday afternoon, Daniel called me and told me about his conversation with our former runner. It turned out that Daniel was visiting some family friends in his former neighborhood in Pasco, WA in two days on that Friday, the same day that our runner's parents were driving him back to the Spokane area for college! They worked out a time to meet so Daniel could help, and Daniel even recruited his brother (who is a mental health counselor) on video call to help with the mental health side of the injury process. It was such a perfect arrangement of events that all aligned at the right time so one kid could get the help he really needed! Small simple things. At the end of our phone call, Daniel invited me to come visit as well, and he would look at my foot.

The meet-up with our runner en route to college didn't end up happening last minute, due to several circumstances, but I still saw my PT friend Daniel, (and his wife and their new baby), and he did all kinds of painful things to my foot that helped in the moment but left it super sore hours later-- so sore that I decided to take this week off from running to see if the pain would subside. It did not, but I wasn't exactly able to rest it completely. Even though I didn't run, I was on my feet for hours and hours each day, doing yardwork, housework, and coaching at cross country practice. We also had two cross country meets this week, which added 16-plus hours of time on my feet. My foot was aching so badly by Friday, I was super discouraged. 

I consulted with both Google and my real-life PT friend and concluded that I don't need to completely stop running; I need to reduce the load (less running and walking, not zero running) on my feet while also adding in some specific strengthening exercises. All of this has me wondering... maybe I'm getting the next decade worth of injuries out of my system in my thirties, so when I turn 40 in a few weeks I will feel amazing! Hah! Or I'm learning (reluctantly) patience and recovery/maintenance techniques now that I will need even more after 40...

Here are a few journal excerpts from the week:

Monday, September 21st: So tired. I rode the elliptical for half an hour at 6:15am today, and I felt it all day. Tired from the early wake-up and early exercise. 

While I was mowing out front today, the dogs crossed the street (noooo!) and Sherlock found a dead squirrel over there. He pried its roadkill-flattened body off the ground and proudly carried it home. Gross. He was so protective of it all afternoon. He didn't even snuggle up on the bench with me for very long before jumping down and going to sit by his dead squirrel to guard it. So I rank just below dead squirrels in Sherlock's affections. Cool.

I didn't run at XC practice today, and it was dull. It was also 86 degrees, so I was sweaty but not running-- not a fun combo. And my foot ached when I tied my shoes. And when I walked around. I helped set up hurdles and put them away and stuff, and I did show some sore kids simple stretches. So practice was fine. Nothing fancy, and I missed running with my girls, but I survived. 

I made such a vat of mac and cheese for dinner tonight and had it warm in the instant pot on slow cook mode when we got home. The pot was full to the very brim. So much mac. The kids were in heaven. Rose said "this is childhood". Jay and Amber had 2 bowls each. I had pasta without the cheese sauce.

Sunrise barn workout time! Jeff was already in there running on the treadmill.

Post barn session. I did my best to appreciate mother nature on the short walk from the barn to the house.

Tuesday, September 22nd: Today was pretty frustrating-- full of boring but important tasks, including a dentist appointment: my favorite. From the dentist, I went to Walmart (another favorite--NOT). From Walmart, I went straight to the high school, picked up Rose for a chiropractor appointment, and took her back to the high school. I finally went home at 11:00 am. When I was putting the milk in the garage fridge, I realized that a bag of frozen chicken that I had put in that fridge to thaw overnight was leaking. Raw chicken juice all the way down through the shelves of the fridge and into the produce drawers. Before I could put the milk away, I had to clean out the entire fridge, soak up all the chicken juice, and disinfect the shelves and drawers with spray and paper towels. But our parked car was blocking the fridge door from opening far enough for me to get one of the produce drawers out. So I went back inside, got my car keys, moved the car, removed the fridge drawers and washed them, sanitized the refrigerator, put everything back in, and re-parked the car in the garage. I was getting angry by that point--probably a bit hangry. I finally had lunch at noon. 

This afternoon it was 78° which sounds nice, but the sun was very hot and I didn't run at cross country practice so I stood there and melted slowly. The middle school cross country runners finish practice while the high school team is still out running, so I don't often see the middle schoolers much. Not today! One of the middle school girls who I coached during track season was having a hard time. I wasn't sure if it was a panic attack or something else. She was shaking and gasping and unable to talk. I walked over and stood next to her for a few minutes, being a presence while also trying to figure out what to do next. She didn't respond when I said hi. I kept having the thought that I should offer her a hug, but I resisted it for a while because... school setting, power balance, body autonomy... I am cautious about physical contact. But the thought wouldn't go away. Since the girl was shaking so much, I wondered if she needed a firm grounding hug.

Finally, I just asked her: "would you like a hug?" She nodded and immediately stepped into me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I held her in a firm hug while she trembled and cried into my shirt. I hugged her, patting her back slowly and telling her she was doing a good job every time she took a deep breath. After about five minutes (which sounds short but was actually pretty long for a hug), she was ready to step away. After that hug she was able to talk about why she was upset. She was worried her knee because it had popped during the run, and it was the same knee that had been injured in the past. I was able to give her a little bit of advice and comfort. I talked with her mom briefly when she picked her daughter up too. Being there for kids at the right time and place is a special, sweet feeling. I don't want kids to have meltdowns, but it was nice to go home from practice feeling like I did something meaningful, even when I didn't get to run with the team.

Amber walked all the way to the track shed and back with me during practice this afternoon because she wanted to tell me Things About School. "My life is so busy right now!" she said. "I am trying lots of new things: new piano songs, new [hair] styles, chess club, new violin lessons." 

"It's so fun and interesting to try new things, isn't it?" I asked. Amber agreed.

Leftovers for dinner. We did battle with Isaiah for family scripture (we read from 2 Nephi). It was something. 

We had cross country team pictures on Tuesday, and last minute gave Amber a high school uniform so she could be in our team picture. She practices with the high school team most days even though she's only in sixth grade, so it seemed fitting. Since Jay will graduate in June and Amber won't be able to join the middle school cross country team until the following September, this is the only time all three kids will be wearing the same school uniform at the same time! (Jay forgot his racing shorts, which didn't matter in the team photo because tall kids stand in the back, but did affect our White kid picture a bit, haha. Also, our new team uniform shorts have shipped! This was our last team picture with mismatched shorts. Hopefully the team will look more like a team at our next meet!)

Wednesday, September 23rd: Today was peaceful. I started my day with a bit of barn workout torture: in order to take even more pressure off my foot, I did the stationary bike at 285-300 watts, but after 15 minutes my heart rate hadn't gotten above 116, so I switched to the elliptical machine for another 12 minutes and finally got my heart rate high enough to be worthwhile. 

After taking Jeff and Amber to school (we're still avoiding using too much expensive gas, so we're sharing the electric car), I prepped dinner and then played piano for more than an hour. It's been a while since I played piano for over an hour, and it was absorbing and fun. Kennedy gave me some sheet music that she likes: an arrangement of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It's pretty hard, but I can tell it will be lovely if I can figure it out! It took me over 20 minutes to play it for the first time, and the song says "performance time: 3 minutes." Soooo that's a challenge!

I spent some time outside with the dogs today. I took them one at a time into the barn to do a bit of leash training, but they were pretty tired and not super interested. Sherlock hated it when I took Watson into the barn. He scratched and whined at the door the whole time. Watson took advantage of the separation (while Sherlock was inside the barn with me) and played with the piece of squirrel leftover from their roadkill scavenge yesterday. 

Things I love: when Amber immediately comes to me and gives me a hug in the afternoon, whether we're at XC practice or at home. I love when Jay drives his sister(s) to church activities and seminary. I love when Rose wants to tell me things and when Jay visits me to talk before bedtime. I love when Jeff shaves his face. I love spending time outside with our dogs and lingering out there because it's peaceful. All of these things happened today. 

Gloomy elliptical picture, but at least my newly rearranged team photo wall looks good!

I appreciated the pretty pastel September sunrise on my walk between the barn and the house.

Thursday, September 24th: So. Tired. We left home at 7:15 this morning, and worked on setting up and hosting our league meet allll day long, with a 90 minute lunch break, until we got home at 7:30pm. It was a long day in a different way than when we go to a faraway meet. My poor sore instep on my left foot started aching after about one hour this morning, and didn't stop all day long. I don't like having achy feet. It made all the walking and standing harder. 

It took us longer to set up the course this time because we had less helpers--working parents can't usually come on a weekday! There were four of us setting up: Jeff and me plus one school district employee from the grounds crew department and my amazing saintly friend Danae. After I cancelled our weekly weight lifting workout so I could help set up the cross country meet, Danae volunteered herself as tribute and helped me mark the course for three hours in the morning, soaking her shoes and feet in the wet grass while we hiked all over South Hill Park together, placing cones and flags. 

Then she did something even more amazing: she came back a few hours later to help at the meet! She was our only adult volunteer, and we put her to WORK: she took bib tags in the finishing chute. Her two daughters came to help as well, and they came in clutch when it got a bit wild during the boys JV race (population 130) and the chute got backed up with sweaty pukey gasping runners! They handled it so well. True saints. As Danae told me afterwards "When I was trying to rip the tag off of a sweaty heaving kid, I just told myself 'this is how much I love my friend Shaina!'" She's amazing.

Rose ran the varsity race today, and she had LIFE in her legs! She got a one second PR of 23:41! It was so exciting to see her dig in and run instead of flopping, crumbling, and walking. She was very happy.

Jay raced so well! He finished in 18:25, a season best. It was senior night for Jay, and it was surreal having our boy up front with us while Jeff read off his highlights (plans after HS, who he wants to thank, favorite memory). Sniff. There was so much going on that I don't know if I fully was able to take in the sweetness of Jay on his cross country senior night, but I love my boy. Jeff kept calling on me to share a favorite memory of the other seniors on our team, and I am terrible at being put on the spot in front of people, so I didn't do the fun memories justice. I actually apologized to Kennedy and a few other kids afterwards for my inability to think on my feet and assured them that I had SO MANY beloved memories with them that I couldn't think of when everyone was looking at me. They were very kind.

No school tomorrow for the kids, but Jeff has a professional development day at the high school.

Driving a load of gear the 2.5 miles from the high school to South Hill Park. I didn't have to fill any water jugs this time: the strong cheerful school grounds maintenance guy did it all!

Our team captains declared meet day a dress your best day, so the boys wore suits and the girls got fancy. Rose couldn't bear a day in nice shoes though, so she wore her running shoes with her dress. I took this picture when they arrived at the park.

The starting line of the girls varsity race! Our league has 7 schools, and each varsity team can have a max of 7 runners, so the varsity races were capped at 49 participants. The JV races were the loaded ones.

This is what Rose looks like when she feels good during a race! It was so fun to see!

Go Rose!

The start of the boys' race: Jay is in the mix somewhere, his head peeking out in the middle.

Go Jay!

Jay and teammate-buddy Joshua.

The homestretch!

Jay got this highly saturated blurry picture from a friend, because I forgot to ask someone to take a picture of us on senior night. Jay and his friend Joshua were sharing that shirt: when Joshua went up with his family, Jay gave him the shirt to wear. When it was Jay's turn to go up front, Josh took the shirt off and gave it back to Jay. It was pretty classic Sunnyside: share as much as you can, even if it's actually not quite enough.

Coach White, crunching meet results after a long day. That iPhone on the counter was left at our meet by a kid from Wenatchee. Since Wenatchee is 2.5 hours away, Jeff made arrangements to return the phone at the next meet both schools attended, which was in Spokane.

Friday, September 25th: I ran 5 miles this morning and my foot hurt the whole time--not quite bad enough to stop, but then it hurt way more after I finished. I was so discouraged. I was on my feet so much yesterday that running today didn't feel great. It was SO windy today (25-30 mph steady wind), and only 60 degrees, which felt cold. I was miserable standing around at XC practice while everyone else ran. Rose is excited to race tomorrow, and I'm so glad she's excited and hopeful, but I felt a bit worn thin tonight when she wanted to go over her heart rate data from her run 2 days ago with me for the 4th time. We watched Cool Runnings for family movie night tonight and it is still a classic. 

Walking up the driveway after my run, I enjoyed the pristine September morning before the wind blew in.

I spy a golden dog draped on the sunny front step.

I tried to tiptoe up and take a picture of them sleeping, but they heard me.

I am developing the unlikely skill of petting two dogs with one hand.

Our pumpkins are getting so big.

After my run, I pulled some weeds and the dogs were trying to figure out what the game was. They followed me all the way to the burn pile, holding onto my fistful of freshly pulled weeds.

Standing outside at practice in the wind always drains my soul dry.

This post might be close to eighteen thousand words by now, so I'll stop here.