4 months

Amber is 4 months old. FOUR MONTHS! That’s a quarter of a year. To quote my sister, time flies when you’re not pregnant. That is so true. Time for the monthly babyface comparison extravaganza! My favorite!

Our babies have great smiles.

They all have the same darling flappy-topped ears, ha ha. So lovable!

On their tums.

They all started grabbing these giraffe tails at the same age. :)

I love having three sets of baby pictures to line up side by side. It’s fun to compare their faces and habits and personalities at this age. It amazes me how babies have their own distinct personalities from day one. Jay was the slim inquisitive mover, Rose was the chubby immobile loud voice, and so far Amber is the happy, champion smiler. She smiles SO MUCH. Sometimes she even cries and smiles at the same time!

Both Jay and Rose were sleeping all night by 4 months, but Amber has not gotten the hang of it yet. At about 2 months she had a few nights of encouraging 8 hour stretches of sleep, but quickly abandoned them. Usually she only wakes up once each night for milk, but this week has been more difficult. Amber seems to be following in the family tradition of early teething, and I think (?) that’s why she’s not sleeping as well. She’s such a good baby that I can’t complain, and my current plan is to see if she regulates herself by 6 months  before intervening. We’ll see how desperate I get. I vaguely remember ordering a baby sleep book from Amazon at like 4 in the morning one day this week…

I mean. Heart bursting. I LOVE THAT FACE!

Today Amber had her 4 month checkup. We went back to Grandview Medical Center one more time (ha) and saw our third new doctor since Dr. Weaver switched locations (he should be back in business next month at last—yay!). Well, the guy we saw today was very nice and thorough and good. It’s a comfort that there is more than one medical professional in this valley that we like!

 

Here’s the little softie, trying to escape the doctor’s office. Amber weighs 14.4 pounds (55%) and is 25.5 inches long (89%). When Rose was her age, she was the same length but an entire pound and a half heavier! My back and biceps are glad that Amber takes more after Jay in the poundage department.

Yesterday I did a quick 10 minute post-bath 4 month photo shoot:

Who can resist a baby bum?

Rose and the rice

A text I sent to my sister Em at 5pm today:

I just failed at motherhood. I accidentally dumped rice all over the floor and totally freaked out when Rose wouldn't stop walking in it and swimming in it. I tried putting her in time out but she kept coming out while I was trying to sweep up the rice and Amber was whining the whole time. I hate how hard everything is when I'm tired!

Everything was going fine today until the rice debacle. I was relatively cheerful in spite of my sluggish exhaustion. Of course I had to be tested a little extra and of course I failed the test. Why?? I know it's going to be hard in the afternoon and evening when I'm exhausted, but it's still hard even when I'm expecting it. Grrr. 

I don't like how my whole day is tainted by one single outburst. While I was trying to deal with the rice-Rose situation, I completely did not care about how I would feel afterwards. I totally felt like a hot blooded redhead with a temper flare-up, Anne Shirley style! I didn't break a slate over Rose's head or shout or anything (I'm not much of a shouter). But I was flaming hot on the inside! I asked Rose in an angry voice to leave the kitchen a few times and when she refused with a sneaky grin, I literally dragged her to the bathroom for time out. She kept running out of the bathroom with a grin on her face. It's like she found the how-to manual on the most effective way to suck Shaina dry of all patience and enrage me. I've known this about Rose since her babyhood, when she couldn't even crawl. She'd sit next to 2-year-old Jay with that sneaky grin on her face and do the exact thing that caused him to melt down--taking his toy, knocking down his blocks, etc. Why did I let her get to me today? She found my meltdown button and pushed it--no, punched it--repeatedly. I've been kicking myself for reacting ever since I finally cooled off.

Jeff had just gotten out of the shower right at the climax of the rice incident, when I was dashing down the hall and casting myself onto the bed in despair. He stepped in and handled the unruly Rose in his firm, patient way which always inspires two emotions in me: 1. THANK GOODNESS for husbands! and 2. Why am I failing so badly at patience when he can just handle this situation, all cool and collected? It's not even that big of a problem, so why can't I handle it? Why is it so easy for him when it's so impossible for me? I feel pathetic. It's not like I want my husband to have meltdowns or outbursts too, it just seems like I'm the only one who makes mistakes! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only flawed one in our relationship. He's not trying to make me feel bad (it's just my guilt); he's not even mad at me for melting down! Seriously his patience is all at once maddening and impressive! 

Jeff always nobly reminds me that for a sleep deprived person, I'm doing very well. Exhausted mommy-meltdowns are just part of the deal. BUT STILL. I hate them. I hate how I feel during and after them. Every challenge we face is an opportunity to CHOOSE to love and be patient or thrash and whine. I chose the latter this afternoon and it feels like poison in my chest. I'm still recovering from it. 

At dinner I said, "family, I'm sorry I freaked out today." Jeff said "I still love you," and Jay followed suit saying "it's ok, Mommy, I love you." A few minutes later, Rose said "I love you too, Mommy!" I need to forgive myself as fast as my sweet family does. 

We get The Week news magazine, and one of my favorite sections is called “It Wasn’t All Bad.” It’s usually at the bottom of a page detailing the world’s latest problems, and I find that small box outlining good deeds so refreshing. Here’s my day’s version of that section, since I prefer to end on a positive note:

It wasn’t all bad:
In the car today, Rose was dancing in her seat to some David Archuletta music. She said “Mommy, my braided pony tails are dancing! My hair is dancing with me!”

Amber suddenly learned how to pick toys up and bite them. That happened over night! When it was time to pick Jay up from school, Amber was in the middle of her newly established afternoon nap. I dreaded waking her up, but miraculously, she fell back asleep after each move: from crib to car seat and back to crib again. YES!

During family scripture time tonight, Jay rubbed his hand on my arm and leaned his soft freckled face against me.

The end of February

Some people are amazing at surviving on little sleep, but I am not one of them. On the eve of turning 4 months old, Amber usually only wakes me up once each night these days. On a bad night she wakes me up twice, but that has only happened once or twice a week in the past month. In the way of babies and sleep, I know I have it pretty good. BUT I’m still exhausted! My brain is fuzzy and if I sit still for too long, it likes to slip away into a semi-conscious daze.

So: Shaina’s sleep deprivation. Old news. Now onto the pictures! Believe it or not, I still have plenty of un-posted February pictures.

On a quiet Saturday afternoon, I taught the big kids how to carry Amber. It was hilarious, and harder for them than I thought it would be. Amber looks huge when Jay and Rose carry her! I guess Amber is nearly half of Rose’s weight.

Rose, teaching Amber about Queen Elsa and reading a story to her princesses.

Hanging out after school.

A trip to the post office. Kids will lay down anywhere! I remember doing the same thing when I was little—laying down on public floors.

How does she sleep like that??

  

In February I tried on my jeans for the first time in over a year and was surprised to find that they no longer fit. Apparently I still don’t have quite the muscle tone in certain lower body areas and it makes the jeans look ridiculous on me! I like loose clothing, but not saggy-baggy! I usually wear stretchy pants instead of jeans for comfort, but every now and then even I get a hankering for some good sturdy jeans. I dug out a pair of jeans that I got when I was a teenager and they fit much better, shockingly. Something about barfing hundreds of times and starving to death while growing another human seems to have cost me more than I thought. I need to go run some hills, ha ha.

This guy makes baby-wearing look good.

Saturday morning french toast with the cousins.

  

The kids all piled on their dad for family movie night. We watched The Wrath of Kahn in memory of Leonard Nimoy (aka Spock) passing away this week. He was a great Spock, but sorry—that movie is boring!! It did have a few exciting moments, but not too many. Jay and Jeff loved it, but Rose and I were antsy.

Ok, now on to the Amber portion of the pictures [she has her own folder in my monthly picture files].

You can’t really tell, but Amber barfed in the hollow of my collar bone and it pooled there like a bowl before spilling over and running down my shirt collar in a warm wet river. I can’t believe I paused long enough to take a picture of it, but it felt like there was a whole lot more barf accumulating in my collar bone puddle than there was.

Waking up squealy and happy. My favorite.

Hanging out.

Barfy faceplant! Amber seems to have started teething: gallons of drool and hours of hand-biting.

More happy mornings. I have had to retire that knitted blanket because Amber’s little fingers grab it and get tangled in it and she pulls it over her head when she flaps her arms. That’s all fine when she’s awake, but I don’t like blankets on faces of sleeping babies.

She’s growing, growing, growing! Almost four months old and I just had to unsnap her diapers to the biggest size. Mmmm her thighs are so tasty!

Quack.

I’m trying to embrace the blurry indoor moving baby pictures. Moving babies are blurry. It’s ok.

Flying!

That bare soft little body. Ahhh!

Wub-love.

I love holding my sleeping baby. She so soft and warm and fuzzy, like a little peach.

Sigh of contentment.