Sunday is family day. I've been making an effort to spend more time with my family on Sunday afternoons. After church it is all too easy to retreat to the computer to email my missionary sister, write blog posts, and shuffle through the week's pictures while they retreat to the basement to play. Over the past few months I've done some pondering about what we want our Sundays to look like.
When I was growing up, we did not watch anything on Sunday--no TV, no movies, nada. Once when Christmas or Christmas Eve was on a Sunday, we watched Mr. Kreuger's Christmas. I remember it because that was the only time in my life we ever watched anything on Sunday besides old family home videos. We didn't even have any video games when I was little, so that was never an issue. Up until I went to college, I always thought that it was naughty to watch TV on Sunday. When I got to college, however, I discovered that I was the only one of my LDS friends who did not watch TV or movies on Sundays. And worse--when I said I didn't watch TV on Sundays, my friends/roommates asked why and when I tried to explain that I was just keeping the Sabbath Day holy, they got kind of offended and said I sounded all high and mighty and "holier-than-thou." It was hard because I was just trying to do what felt right for ME, not impose my preferences on others. I went through a very confusing couple of semesters in regards to Sabbath day observance. My friends were good active Mormons but--gasp--they watched movies on Sundays! How was this possible? Eventually I came to the understanding that watching shows on Sunday isn't bad. Choosing what to do on Sunday is a personal decision. As President Nelson said in a General Conference talk last year, it's about the sign you want to give God.
"The Savior identified Himself as Lord of the Sabbath. It is His day! Repeatedly, He has asked us to keep the Sabbath or to hallow the Sabbath day. We are under covenant to do so.
How do we hallow the Sabbath day? In my much younger years, I studied the work of others who had compiled lists of things to do and things not to do on the Sabbath. It wasn’t until later that I learned from the scriptures that my conduct and my attitude on the Sabbath constituted a sign between me and my Heavenly Father. With that understanding, I no longer needed lists of dos and don’ts. When I had to make a decision whether or not an activity was appropriate for the Sabbath, I simply asked myself, “What sign do I want to give to God?” That question made my choices about the Sabbath day crystal clear."
I loved that talk--it fell right in line with what I've been grappling with off and on in various stages ever since I left home for college a dozen years ago. One of the major points I got out of President Nelson's words was that outside of church attendance and fulfilling church assignments and callings, there is no rigid structure of do's and don'ts for Sundays. That tells me that these do's and don'ts change over the different stages of life. And even better, everyone can figure out what hallowing the Sabbath day means for their own current stage of life. Right now, sitting down at the computer for a few hours by myself on Sunday afternoon to do family history work is not nearly as important an activity as playing Nintendoland with my family. Evaluating each opportunity that comes up on Sunday and asking President Nelson's question each time helps. It's all about staying sensitive to spiritual guidance to know:
- What is appropriate for Sunday in each current stage of life
- What I want to teach my kids about Sabbath day observance
- What sign I want to give God (aka living the spirit of the law)
As I've considered these three questions, I have slowly felt out what my family's Sunday best is right now. What I want to teach my kids about the Sabbath is that Sunday is a special day where we don't do our normal activities. We rest from everyday cares and work, and do different, uplifting things instead. The essence of what my family needs out of post-church Sundays right now is present, involved QUALITY FAMILY TIME. Good ole QFT. A whole lot of activities fall under QFT! Not all of them feel Sunday appropriate. We have carefully considered the options that have come up in our family, and decided which activities we will do on Sundays and which ones we will not. Currently the biggest contender is SCREENS. Blah. I tend to say less is more when it comes to screens, but I'm learning that watching shows together and playing video games together is also amazing quality family time.
When we were first married, Jeff and I kept our Sunday watching toned down to "nature shows" like BBC's Planet Earth. It felt very appropriate and even reverent to see beautiful footage of nature on Sundays. We also played a husband vs. wife game of Scrabble most Sunday nights back then (we still play a couple times per year--whenever brainpower permits after the draining nightly kids bedtime, haha). After we had kids we started going on Sunday family walks (off and on, weather/children permitting). Then we added other educational "nature" type shows to our Sunday repertoire, such as Bill Nye the Science Guy and Cosmos. Then the dread video games reared their heads and easy-going Jeff was completely ok with playing them on Sunday and letting the kids play them. If he was ok with it then I was ok with it, but something wasn't sitting right with me, and it took a while for me to realize that it wasn't just my dislike of video games that was bugging me. It was the way the people playing the video games isolate themselves from others. Sunday is a family day, and a day where we rest from everyday recreations. A few weeks ago after talking it over with Jeff, we made the family decision: no video games on Sundays unless you're playing WITH another family member. That works for us right now. Jeff plays games with Jay and Rose. Jay and Rose play games together. Even I play the Wii with them sometimes, while Amber sits holding her remote without batteries, watching every movement avidly. Those family Wii games have become some of our favorite family activities! We don't sit around all afternooon on Sundays playing video games, but we found a way to work them into our Sabbath day observance so they become QFT rather than selfish solo isolation.
Sometimes we get together with our local extended family for dinner and cousin-playing. But if the neighbor kids come knocking, we tell them that Sunday is our family day and we can't play. That's about as far as we've had to go in our Sabbath Day navigation, 9.5 years into marriage and 7 years into parenthood. I know that these things will adjust and change over time as the kids get older and as different situations arise. I am glad our Sundays are still this simple and we don't have to deal with sports or other events on Sundays yet. I used to think that Sunday was cut and dry: you can always do
these things on Sundays but you can never do
those things. That's not the case! Accepting the phases of life, teaching our kids the spirit of the law, and working with them to give the right sign to God is the challenge.
Everyone's Sunday probably looks a little different. All I know is right now I feel the best about my Sundays when I slow down and take the time to be
present with my family and to build my relationships with each family member. We are not perfect! What's important is we're doing our best and embracing what happens along the way... like indoor hurdling...
{last Sunday Jay and Rose played their "jumping game" for over an hour: they tip over the foam kid sized chair, dash down the hall, and jump over the chair at high speed. It is a tad wild, but also a whole lot of fun to sit and watch. They have to burn off that post-church energy somehow!
Amber kept getting in the way--"where's the fun without some danger" she seemed to say--eeek!
Eventually Rose got hot running around in her big Sunday dress and changed into better clothes. She tried going shirtless like Jay but I made her put on a shirt. Jay put on a shirt too for solidarity. Such a good brother.
They take after their father--start 'em young!
{Jeff, circa 2006 running the steeplechase for SVU}
Eventually they went outside and took their jumping to the next level...
That was a good Sunday.
