Getting there

Happy Sunday! Time for an update. 

On Tuesday, April 29th, I got my PICC line OUT! Wahoo! No more arm tube! I went an entire week without needing fluids, so I texted good ole Dr. W. and he said to go for it. So I went in and had the long purple plastic tube withdrawn from my upper arm. It feels wonderful not to have that rigid-feeling tube running through my shoulder vein and down into my chest cavity. I sleep so much better. Like last time, I did not enjoy the feeling of being body-flossed when my favorite nurse, Brooke, pulled and pulled to get the tube out. But it was over in a matter of seconds, and now I am free! For some reason, now that the crutch of the PICC line is gone, I feel more able to take care of myself. It's mostly mental--I feel less dependent on the hospital and nurses and bags of fluids, like if they took out the tube then they think I can do this without it too. It is empowering! I CAN do this! With 3 kinds of medicine taken 24/7, that is.  

As you can tell, things are looking up around the White house. Jeff is still bearing the brunt of the household burdens (laundry, yardwork, childcare, etc), but little by little I am starting to be more able to take care of myself at least. It is so liberating to feel able to GET UP and GET something for myself! When I was sicker, I got myself snacks  during the day when I was alone because I had to, but it made me feel awful and I sat right back down in my chair afterwords. Now when I get up for food, I can usually wash a dish or put something away before collapsing back into my chair. See? Progress!

It all started on Friday, when I finally was more than 24 hours past my most recent puke. I have decided that the levels of my energy and optimism are directly connected to how long it's been since my last barf. For the first half of this week, I was still barfing once a day (at night, oddly enough) and it was killing my ability to hope and feel happy! I was a grouch! I wondered if I jumped the gun getting my PICC line out. Then I switched up the timing of when I took my medicine and the barfing stopped. Miraculously, my good mood and optimism that this pregnancy will work out and not kill me returned. It was such an invigorating rush of happy that I found myself wanting to get up and move! Clean! Twirl! But after standing to wash one pot on Friday, I had to sit down with a snack to recuperate for at least half an hour. I am weak and wimpy after 7 weeks of sitting sickly on the sidelines (alliteration! I must be feeling better). But after resting, I can get back up and try again--I made some soup for myself in that handwashed pot. And then I ATE it. BOOM. 

THE SKY. LAAA!

Yesterday I was all over the place, or so it seemed to me. What I really did was wipe a counter, get all my own food, put a few things away, and talk with my family (as opposed to laying limply and silently in the background. I even sat at the table and played a game of Hi-Ho Cherry-O with Jeff, Jay, and Rose. Then at dinner time, Rose and I made banana muffins together. That one was rough. I took a nice lonnng recovery after that. And then I ate six muffins for dinner. They were pretty small, dry little hockey pucks (hey, I haven't cooked in 2 months!), but still. SIX muffins! All that activity seems to have amped up my already unpredictable appetite. 

Today I actually still feel tired from doing "so much" yesterday. But my hope is still alive. The worst is over. As long as I time my multiple medicines right, I should keep improving. The second trimester starts this week. Only 6 months till my due date now! Woot. 

Our dear ward continues to go above and beyond, with babysitters for Jay and Rose every weekday, dinners 3 nights per week, and even help cleaning the house. It's amazing the love that I feel for all the dozens of people who have served me so selflessly for so long. They always say when you serve, you love the people you help. But I never would've known how much love the one being served feels for the helpers! It's so humbling to sit in my chair while someone puts shoes on my kids and takes them for the day, or while another someone MOPS my kitchen floor. Even though shoe-putting-on and mopping aren't my favorite things to do, I can't help but look forward to when I will be doing those things for my family again! It's coming soon. Maybe I'll try being a Mom again this week?

In other news, Jay scored his first-ever goal in his soccer game this week! Jeff was stuck in parent teacher conferences and I was still queasily lying at home, but Grama Leslie and Grampa Dan saw it! And so did Aunt Steph and Layne and Tate! Jay was so excited about it. My heart aches that I still have yet to see him play soccer. But it will happen.  

And in other other news, our back yard is growing! Jeff planted it weeks and weeks ago, and we've been jacking up our water bill keeping it wet back there. It's finally sprouting. I mean, it's not exactly thick yet, but it's already way grassier back there than it ever has been since we moved to this house almost 2 (!) years ago. We will coax a lush green yard out of this dry dusty place yet. Just you wait. 

Waiting seems to be a theme in life, doesn't it? 

[sunning]