All of this happened today

A few hours ago I sat down to write a witty, snappy little essay about the amazingly epic mom-day I was having. Then Amber started crying, so I left off pouring my vigor into words and went to figure out how to help Amber. Then dinner/cleanup/bedtime happened. It's 8:30pm and I am finally sitting down again to write about the funny situations I navigated today, but now I'm so worn out from all of said shenanigans that the bounce is gone from my bungee. Let's just say it was one of those DAYS. I kept alternating between bemusement and frustration all day. Time to use up the last of my energy while writing about how I used up the first of my energy: 

Today was a dread Tri-Cities shopping day. Since the only stores in our town are Safeway and an assorted number of Mercados and Carnicerias, I usually go to the Tri Cities once or twice a month (45 minutes away) to do the heavy duty grocery shopping. Today was the day, in spite of my 2+1.5+3.5 hours of sleep last night. I geared myself up, loaded our recycling into the trunk, buckled Amber into her seat, persuaded Rose to buckle herself into her seat, and made the drive. 

We left at 9am and got home at 3:30pm. That's a long day for a 4 year old and a 5 month old and a 28 year old whose sleep tank is running on empty. Here are a few vignettes from the day:

1. At Target, I found Jay and Rose both shin guards for the upcoming soccer season. I helped Rose pick out a pair of athletic shorts for soccer too. I had her take off her shoes and try them on over her clothes really quick to see if the fit. They did, so we tossed them in the cart and continued on to the front of the store. Once we were out of the clothes section, Rose said "I forgot my shoes!" And sure enough, she had left her shoes back at the shorts section. Back we went. Whew. We were halfway to Winco before I realized that I forgot to get Jay some shorts too. So we parked at a nearby Big 5 Sporting Goods and I lugged the car seat along and stressed over keeping Rose in sight while we glanced in the store for Jay's shorts. No luck. I about broke my elbow holding the car seat and waiting as Rose slowly walked out of the store. She was either trying not to touch the lines on the floor tiles or completely oblivious to my disintegrating elbow joint. Or both. Eventually we made it back to the car and parked it at Winco.

2. Before we went in to Winco, I decided it would be prudent to feed the baby so she would be happy as I canvassed that giant store for the items on my list. So I climbed into the back seat of the van, extracted Amber from her carseat, and got to work feeding and changing her. Of course she pooped up her back. Thankfully I remembered to bring a spare outfit (but not a spare coordinating hairbow and bib--oh well, we had the essentials). While I was cleaning her up, she kept sliding down the slanted leather van seat away from me. I finally got her diaper on straight, her clothes changed, and her tummy full. 

3. Maybe Amber's tummy was too full...as I was burping her, she barfed a small lake directly onto the crotch of my pants and it flowed down and pooled under my bum as I was frantically trying to mop it up. Just enough of the barf soaked in to my pants to give me an uncomfortable wet feeling for the next hour. I'm chuckling as I type this, but at the moment, I was crammed in the hot cramped back of the van, doing awkward blots and wipes with a cloth in an unsuccessful attempt to dry myself out. Thankfully I was wearing black pants and it didn't look like I peed in them. Or at least that's what Rose told me, and I chose to believe her with all my heart.

4. At length I unfolded myself from the back seat of the van and exited the side door, where I was greeted by a scruffy fellow in a flannel shirt who drawled "you need to learn how to park!" I looked down and discovered that my back wheel was slightly over the line. I chose not to respond to his criticism for two reasons: one, I had baby barf soaking my butt, and two, I really really wanted to ROAST him and it's usually best to keep such sarcastic comments to oneself. Plus I couldn't quite think up a blazing enough response on the spot. So I muttered a noncommittal noise and moved on with the process of extracting the necessary bags, blankets, jackets, and children from the van for a foray into Winco.

5. Rose had to go to the bathroom before we could start our grocery gathering, so I carried Amber in all the way over to the far corner of the store with Rose capering alongside me, oblivious to the heavily laden carts that were dodging her right and left. We made it to the bathroom in one piece and sought refuge in the large handicapped stall, which had a baby changing table in it (too late for that to be useful, I thought wryly to myself). I personally detest the Winco bathroom because it always smells, but Amber was loving it--smiling and laughing at everything I said. It echoed across the bathroom and was about the cutest thing that dingy place had ever seen. Once we were done in the bathroom, we went out and snagged an abandoned shopping cart and commenced the gathering of the groceries.

6. To give Amber a break from her car seat, I clipped her into the front seat of the shopping cart. She dangled happily at an uncomfortable-looking angle for the next 45 minutes or so while we were in the store, drooling, barfing, and snotting alllllll down that cute second outfit (since I forgot the bib). She has been stuffy for the past few days and it was bubbling out and mixing with the slobber on her chin in a goop that drenched her shirt in the first few minutes (you can’t even see it in the picture). But she was happy and I was absorbed in navigating the confusingly organized stock of Winco Foods. Maybe I'm just used to shopping at a small town Safeway, but Winco arranges its foods in a very counterintuitive fashion and I always find myself backtracking up and down the endless isles in search of that one last thing on my list. 

7. Ten Winco-walking miles later, we made it through the checkout (I forgot my re-usable grocery bags in the van per usual), loaded it into the van, and drove to Costco. Amber fell asleep in her car seat so I lugged the whole zillion pound contraption into Costco while she slept. I picked up some picture prints I had ordered from the photo center and we found the things on our list plus a perfect pair of soccer shorts for Jay--convenient! Something went right! We waited in a lonnnng line for the checkout and politely put up with less-than-witty banter from the cashier guy. So far so good. Things were going smoothly. Rose climbed onto the end of the cart and I climbed onto the front and we whizzed across the wide parking lot to our van. Unload food. Check. 

8. Uh-oh! I found the photo prints tucked along the side of the car seat in the cart, unpaid for. ARGH! At the same time, Rose declared that she HAD to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW. So with all the food loaded into the trunk, we closed the van, took the baby and the photo prints back across the enormous, bumpy parking lot and wove in through the hoards of people leaving Costco and somehow landed at the customer service desk to pay for those blasted pictures. The lady there informed me that she could not do any purchases at that desk, only returns. I wilted visibly. Costco is a big, perpetually-crowded store. I wanted to shake my fist at the ceiling/universe and say "why are you punishing me for trying to do the right thing?" So we clawed our way against the flow of cart-traffic all the way across the store to the bathroom, where Rose got the lock on her stall stuck and was lying on the disgusting bathroom floor with her pants off about to crawl under the door until I whacked it open. Instead of going all the way out and around to the entrance like they want you to do at Costco, I found the only cash register lane without a bungee rope across it and slipped through and got in line to pay the $12 for those pictures. More lame attempts at wit from yet another male cashier and we were out of there at LAST.

It's making me even more tired to relive this. What a day! It's not over yet.

9. As I was driving in an exhausted trance up busy Gage Blvd, sweet Rose's voice floated up from behind: "Mommy, can we may please walk around the temple?" Wilting a little more on the inside, I knew that I couldn't refuse such a request. So we continued up Gage to the temple. I carried Amber while Rose capered and ran along the sidewalk that goes around the temple. We admired the flowers briefly and managed to take a picture before Rose was rushing off around the temple to admire the fountain. When we got there, she sat down and said "I want to enjoy it." So I sat and tried to give her freedom to roam and "enjoy" without falling into the fountain. Suddenly she was off again, tearing around the last bend to the front of the temple. I propped Amber up on the sidewalk to take a quick picture of her at the temple, but she tipped over before I could catch her and bonked her head on the sidewalk. Poor baby started wailing just as Rose decided to mountain-climb the pretty terraced landscaping walls surrounding the flower beds. Rose is not the best of listeners so it took a stern mama and a wrist clamp to get her away. I was holding a squalling infant in one arm and half-dragging a resistant 4 year old in the other as we left. It was not the most graceful of exits, and I was relieved when we were once again all buckled (and restrained) in the van.

10. I turned on some soothing happy Piano Guys music and settled in for the 45 minute drive home. Amber was fussing and overtired in her carseat, and eventually she started crying. Knowing that she was probably too overstimulated and hungry to fall asleep before we got home, I decided to pull over halfway home and feed her (crammed in the back seat again). While Amber ate, Rose claimed that she had to go potty AGAIN. This was very unusual for her. Normally she's got a bladder of steel and only has to go once on an outing like this, but here she was informing me that she HAD to go for the third time since we left home! I didn't take her seriously until, as I was putting myself back together post-Amber-feed, Rose suddenly said "IT'S COMING OUT!" and panicked a little. We were pulled over at a remote exit with no buildings in sight. So I tossed Amber into her car seat, yanked open the door, and propped Rose up while she pooped in the sagebrush, in what felt like full view of the highway. I'm not sure I want to admit to this, lest some hygiene police comes after me, but what else was a mother to do? I keep a roll of toilet paper in the van for emergency tissues, but we've never used it for noses--just the other end! I emptied out one of our Target bags and disposed of the TP in it. I guess it was a good thing that I forgot to bring my reusable bags into all the stores today!

11. Both girls fell asleep and we made it home without any other snags. And Jeff arrived home with Jay a few minutes after we got there, so he unloaded the trunk for me--such a relief to my worn out muscles and elbows.

A few pictures from the temple:

 

 

Our Columbia River Temple. So little and pretty. Just like my daughters:

I may not have gone into the temple for over a year (except for my brother’s sealing), but at least we have our temple walks. The spirit is still there on the outside. I felt it. [you know, before the bonking, climbing, and dragging] I asked Rose how she felt while we were outside the temple and she said “It feels good. It feels like Jesus is here!”

   

Eeek! Half a second before the head-bonk.

  

Oh, and this is more or less what Rose looked like all day while we were out.

I can't wait to look back at today and laugh my head off. But for now I think I'll go crawl into bed. 

Oh wait...is that a baby I hear?