Pick-up problem

Here is an email that I sent to the school principal this morning. Parenthood isn't often punctuated by moments of true terror, but yesterday afternoon was one of those rare, traumatizing moments.

Hi Ms. Wysong,

My son is Jay White. He walks home from school every day with his younger sister Rose. We love that arrangement! But yesterday the nurse called me at 3pm and asked me to come pick Jay up, since he had developed an itchy rash on his arms. No problem--I drove over. Parking is always a problem in the afternoon at H.T. (as you know all too well, I'm sure), and one of my neighbors noticed that I was having trouble getting a spot. While I was circling around to snag one of the last open parking spots at the back of the lot, my neighbor went into the school and took Jay from the nurse's office. She did not tell me that she was going to take him. Her plan was to meet me in the parking lot so I didn't have to walk my 2 year old further than necessary. Her intentions were purely good-neighborly. But in the crowded parking lot, I did not see her, and when I arrived in the school I was told that someone who "said she was your neighbor" (direct quote) had taken Jay out to the parking lot. I'm sure you can see ALL the red flags right there.

I was standing there in the school without my son with only the word of a secretary that someone who SAID she was my neighbor took my son. That was not the secretary's call to make. She doesn't know who my neighbors are! My neighbor is a good person (and an employee of Grandview School District), but she is still NOT on my list of people who can check out my kids from school. I only have family members on my list of pick-up people. It keeps it simple for the kids. If they aren't a family  member, they can't pick my kids up. And yet the secretary let Jay walk out of school with a non family member who was not on the list, without my knowledge or consent. It was absolutely terrifying for me as a parent for that two minutes before I finally found them in the parking lot, having no clue if it actually was my neighbor who took my son. The person who took Jay ended up being my neighbor for sure, but why did the school let her take him?

This situation made me feel unsafe sending my kids to school. I kept them home today (Jay still has the rash he was sent home for, but I would have kept both kids home anyways after yesterday). I need to know that I can trust the school NOT TO RELEASE MY KIDS TO ANYONE THAT'S NOT ON THE PAPER I SIGNED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.

Sincerely,
Shaina White

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When we got home from that horrible ordeal yesterday afternoon, I was barely holding myself together. I dosed Jay with Benadryl for his rash, told him calmly not to leave school without a family member ever again, then let all three kids go down to the basement and play on tablets, adding extra time to their usual half hour. When they were settled, I went upstairs and had a private weeping-sobbing breakdown alone in my bedroom. I tried calling Jeff at the track meet he was coaching, but his phone's SIM card was having issues and I couldn't reach him. I didn't really want to call anyone else because I couldn't face even a little bit of "you need to do ___" or "you should have said ___" and you never know what people are going to say. I was too emotionally frayed to stand up to any advice! I just wanted comfort and a shoulder to soak in tears. Every time I stopped crying, I kept picturing my sweet, innocent son, just doing what the big powerful teachers told him to at school and walking out with someone who was NOT me, and the tears/sobs/gasps started over again. It was so scary! What if it happened again with a more sinister adult? Eventually I cried myself out and got the kids dinner, did their bedtime alone, locked all of the doors, and then snuggled up with my Kindle to read in the dark while I waited for Jeff to come home.

Glancing at the internet flashed me the title of the blog I posted yesterday: "he knows and he cares." In my lonely vulnerability, I had to laugh and tell myself wryly that I should listen my own advice. Comforting though that message was, the situation was still HARD. I finished reading my book in the dark quiet family room and spent the next half hour getting ready for bed and mentally prepping myself not to break down again when I told Jeff the day's dramatic, traumatic tale. I almost just wanted to show him my ranting raving-crazy journal entry about it instead of going through it all again myself. I hate crying! Jeff finally got home at 9:30pm, all worn out from a 15 hour day of dealing with hoards of teenagers--first teaching, then coaching. When he asked me about my day, I barely got a handful of words out before I completely lost it again--tears, sobs, the whole waterworks.

Jay and Rose are home from school today. It just feels better having them safe where I can see them. I have what I call a "crying hangover." My head and eyes feel swollen and throbby. But my three are here. With ME.

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Photographic proof that yesterday wasn't all bad--in fact, it was mostly good:

• We had a Thursday morning pajama party in my room, which involved hair-pulling, lots of squealing, bursts of giggling, motherly cautionary comments, and much yanking of the covers.
• Amber and I spent an hour wandering around the soccer field behind our house after lunch. I was trying to tire her out so she would fall asleep easily for her nap instead of lying on the floor kicking the door for an hour. It actually worked. Rocks, dirt, and sunshine to the rescue!
• The late afternoon sunshine slanted through our aspen tree out front and dappled the family room floor. Watching the kids play in the dancing light and shadows made me a little bit nostalgic for that room and its big wide windows. We are definitely going to miss our happy family room.
• And THE SKY. I love this big eastern Washington sky more and more every day we live here.

It's almost like we were sitting IN the sky, perched there along the edge of the world with the big blue dome wrapped around us. 

Miss Sassy-lips clutching her precious rocks. She played with the same five rocks for the entire hour we were outside, lining them up, carrying them around, plinking them on the echo-y bleachers, and "planting" them in the dirt. I swear I'm getting rid of all the "real" toys. 

I really wanted to lie down in the grass and stare up into the blue sky, but before I got that far, Amber scared up a sage rat and it scuttled straight at my foot--its furry little body nearly crawled into my shoe! After that I was much less interested in cloud gazing. 

A mere hour of outside play and I had to work hard to wake her up to go pick up Jay from school. 

I may have hundreds of pictures of this exact sky above Grandview High School, doing all of its gorgeous shifting, rolling, and painting. 

I rescued this tulip from Amber's stick-thrashings four days ago when it was still green and closed. A little water and a warm sunny windowsill have woken it up, and its bloom felt so hopeful and happy, it cheered me up through my foggy brain this morning.