November 4th

Amber has been counting down to her birthday for the past six months. Almost every day, she asked Alexa "how many days till fernember fourth?" and the digital assistant Alexa wouldn't understand what she said, so we'd explain how to say November again and eventually she'd get her birthday countdown out of Alexa. At last, Amber's day arrived, and she was vibrating with excitement and smiling her jack-o-lantern smile so wide with the knowledge that it was HER day.

Since I shared the November 4th birth date with both a good friend in high school and my college roomie, and now with my own daughter, it has rarely been my very own day. I like to think that as I get older, I am getting [marginally] better at sharing and at finding ways to take care of myself and make my birthday feel special. Last year I felt the need to celebrate my birthday on a completely different day than Amber, but this year that didn't feel as necessary. Actually, it just felt too tiring for me to select and stake my claim on November 3rd or 5th, decide how I wanted to celebrate, and then remind my family about it over and over. Instead, I took a sandwich approach to the day: Amber/Shaina/Amber. Amber was the bread, and I was the filling. We did Amber celebrations before and after school, and I did my own celebrations in the middle of the day. It worked, mostly.

THE BIRTHDAY SANDWICH:

Amber's birthday: We started the day off with early morning present opening before school. We gave Amber a cool wooden balance board, a book, and a cardboard playhouse with a big pack of markers to color the outside. Amber also opened the birthday book that my parents sent her. After Amber's presents were open and she was busy enjoying them, Jeff brought out my final gift (he gave me two other gifts over the past two weeks: a movie and noise cancelling headphones). My final gift was a nifty wall mounted reading light, which we hung above our bed for nighttime reading. I was touched by Jeff's thoughtfulness as he's watched me wrestle with various book light configurations anytime I read a paper book instead of on my backlit Kindle e-reader. Then we went back to watching Amber enjoy her gifts. She was so happy playing that I had to practically pry her away to get ready for school. 

As Amber was putting on her backpack, she made a comment about how exciting it was going to be to share a birthday treat with her class at school. I froze. WHOOPSE. I totally forgot to get the class treat! I would have to go pick up something from the store and bring it to the school (pre-packaged treats only are the rule). My heart sank a little. Going to the grocery store on my birthday...not my first choice. A few minutes after the girls got onto the school bus, I got a text from our landlord's groundskeeper/organizer/fix everything guy (Juan), informing me that two other guys would be coming around 1pm to install a vent fan in our bathroom. A morning trip to the grocery store and an afternoon home invasion by workmen? So much for that birthday nap I was hoping for! My personal daytime birthday celebrations were not looking quite so cozy or rosy.

Shaina's birthday: Tapping into previously undiscovered stores of birthday resilience, I rallied. Yes, I had some unexpected errands and visitors, but it was still my birthday! One of the things I love most about my birthday is that everyday actions become birthday oriented, and I view the things I do as gifts to myself. My normal run becomes a birthday run, a gift to myself to celebrate completing another year in this body on this earth. My meals become birthday meals, and I look for ways to make them more special. Etc. etc. So when I went to the grocery store to get Amber's class treat, I found a birthday treat for myself as well. When the workers came to install the bathroom fan, I let them in, got them situated, and then hid in the basement and called my mom because she's the best and I love talking to her and always feel indulgent when I get to talk with her. She sent me six birthday cards (all mailed separately) so I could enjoy lots of colorful birthday mail. Those many cards were possibly my favorite gift! I opened the last one on my birthday and it was like a warm hug from my dear mom.

Before employing all of those amazing birthday-errand coping mechanisms, however, I managed to fit in my annual birthday run. My personal birthday tradition is a good hard run. My two recent 5k time trials kind of took away my enthusiasm for a birthday 5k like I usually do, so I had been toying with the idea of going for a Garmin 10k PR. But a 10k is two back to back 5ks! It seemed so long and so hard and so far. I almost didn't do it because when the girls left for school I was snuggled up on the couch to watch them out the window at the bus stop while reading my scriptures. I was in my pajamas and swathed in two thick blankets. It was chilly, windy, drizzly, and gray outside. And it was my birthday. The temptation to forego my birthday run was strong. I reached into my toolbelt of experience and committed to running just a ten minute warmup. If I didn't feel like running hard after that, I wouldn't, as another birthday gift to myself. 

I tossed the blankets aside, hauled my 35-year-old self off the couch, and changed into warm running clothes. Wearing headphones and listening to happy music, I plunged into the wet gray breeze outside and began a warmup shuffle. My physical fitness kicked in and the cool air woke up my mind. By the end of my ten minute warmup, I was sweating in my thick clothes and a spring was back in my step. I dashed inside and changed into shorts. I did my 10k as an out-and-back run on our country road: 3.1 miles out + 3.1 miles back = 6.2 miles, or ten kilometers. I picked this route because it would be a slight uphill on the way out (gaining about 100 feet in elevation per mile) which meant a slight downhill on the way back. My plan was to stay in a comfortable effort on the way out and then really crank that downhill second half. It was so fun! I ran the first 5k in 24:24, turned around, and flew home, finishing that final 5k in 20:46. It felt so amazing, I kept speeding up! My final time was 45:10. A new post-college/motherhood PR by over 3 minutes, and only a minute and seven seconds off of my college PR! 

It felt awesome. Still riding that high, I got cleaned up and went to the grocery store, where I found unicorn cookies for Amber's first grade class and pink and white animal cookies for myself. My friend stopped by to give me a birthday book, and it warmed my heart right up. Friends who give friends books are the truest of kindred spirits. Then the electric company van pulled up and the guys spent over two hours traipsing in and out of the house, drilling and rewiring our bathroom to accommodate a much-needed vent fan. I hid in the basement. A sweet sister from our ward stopped by and gave me happy yellow birthday flowers. While I drove to pick Jay up from school, I listened to cheerful music. 

Mixing business with birthday celebrations worked great! Even though I had several undesirable errands to do on my birthday and never got a nap, I still had a good day.

Amber's birthday: 

Amber wanted seven members of our local extended family over for her birthday dinner, so I planned, prepped, and cooked a massive family dinner: macaroni cheese and roasted veggies for twelve on my birthday. The cooking was probably my least favorite thing I did all that day. But it was for Amber and I am her mom, and it was sweet that she wanted her cousins and grandparents over for birthday dinner, so I sucked it up. I got myself a large order of Thai food earlier in the week and saved my favorite (Pad Woo Sen) for my own dairy-free birthday dinner.

The family arrived, cousin chaos ensued. My mother in law gave me two jars of soup and half a dozen corn muffins, a spare meal to ease the burden of cooking on a future weeknight. It was a kind gesture. The adults sat in the next room and talked while I finished making the mac and cheese (the noodle water took forever to boil). Once dinner was ready, we ate in shifts: seven kids first, then six adults. After the adults had eaten and the kids had played, we did the candles. Amber requested a donut cake, so we stuck seven candles into a stack of donuts. When my sister in law asked about me blowing out candles, I realized belatedly that I never made or bought a cake or treat for my own birthday (unless you count the pink and white frosted animal cookies). My favorite cake--cheesecake--is unkind to my lactose intolerant tummy, and I never made the 40 minute drive to Costco to buy one of their divine pumpkin cheesecakes in time for my birthday anyways. When the family sang Happy Birthday, some of them said "Happy birthday to Amber and Shaina", but for some reason I didn't care too much about it this year. I wish my stomach could tolerate dairy. I wish my stomach could handle chocolate. But it can't, and is it even a treat if it doesn't have dairy or chocolate? I am searching for acceptable alternatives, but it's going to take a while!

We all ate donuts and talked some more. Amber opened gifts: clothes and a night light. Then it was time for the family to leave, and the birthday was officially over. 

How do you get a kid to smile?

The traditional birthday interview

When we sang Happy Birthday to Amber in the morning, she was so glad it was her birthday, she pointed to herself when we said her name.

Parenting trick: we put each item in its own large gift bag. One bag for the markers, one bag for the book, one bag for the marker case, etc. 

The cardboard playhouse was a hit. Amber is always decorating discarded Amazon boxes, but this cardboard box is shaped like a house AND it is a white surface, which colors show up on much better than the usual brown cardboard.

The balance board: this curved piece of wood is an ideal toy for a wiggly active monkey kid like Amber. She played on it during our entire family movie night on Friday--much better than her usual movie-watching antics which qualify as reckless endangerment for everyone and anything in the room. The balance board contains and uses her energy all at once.

And she can also rest on it like a rocking chair when she's tired.

Cozily reading on the couch after the girls left for school.

Five of the six birthday cards that my mom sent. It was such a satisfying stack of colorful envelopes! I opened one per day before my birthday.

My desk is overtaken with birthday cards. I love them. Amber was my only child who made me a birthday card. The fact that it was her birthday too but she remembered to make her mom a birthday card illustrates Amber's innate sweetness that is buried under her impetuous intense energy.

The message inside the card Amber made me could be taken in many ways: "I love [you] because you are trying". 

Cynical Shaina's interpretation: she couldn't think of any actual result of my efforts that she loves, so she says thank you for trying, implying that I don't succeed. Hah.

Optimistic Shaina's interpretation: Amber loves me for my effort more than the results. She knows I'm trying and that's what matters to her. That seems rather astute for a seven year old. 

The rest of the note is a jumble of out-of-order words that I decoded with Amber's help to say "I love you because you are trying and can realize that I am special and that is why I love you." 

Cynical Shaina: she loves me because she is special and I'm her mom?

Optimistic Shaina: she loves my effort and I must be doing a lot of things right if she connects her sense of feeling special to her mother.

Birthday run, with that long straight 3.1 mile country road behind me. I took this picture during my cool-down, not during my time trial--I was working to hard for photography during the actual 10k.

My Garmin watch gave me a medal! So satisfying. This type of thing doesn't happen very often.

I had to make do with my own propped cell phone timer photography for my post- PR triumph picture.

This is what partying at 35 looks like. Haha. These devilishly addicting waxy little cookies have always been a weak point. They were an excellent grocery store birthday treat splurge.

My handy little reading light, mounted to the wall with a stick-on command strip. The light screws into the swiveling mount and is rechargeable, so no cords until it needs to be charged.

Birthday flowers. Every time I was at Safeway during my birthday week, I was tempted to buy myself yellow flowers to combat the gray outdoors, but I resisted. Then a sweet sister from our ward gave me yellow flowers. I love them.

Traditional birthday girls picture.

Veggies, yams, and kielbasa, ready to roast. They were so pretty, although I did not really love the Brussels sprouts. It's a texture/mouth-feel thing.

Birthday dinner with the cousins! Grama Leslie brought a pan of roasted taters and sausage too, and Steph brought a salad to fill out our meal.

The seven year old.

The cousins!

Amber took a while to wind down after her birthday dinner. She visited me after bedtime and I indulged her because it was her birthday. We took another birthday selfie together while we talked.

Rose wanted in on our silly selfies. They went to bed eventually.

Since I'm now halfway to age 70, Amber decided that I was too old to be a birthday girl, so she called me a birthday lady and called herself the birthday girl.