A day off

Since I was relatively productive earlier this week, I decided to give myself a "day off" today. Of course I still had Amber and Rose home with me, so it wasn't a complete day off, but I decided that after I did the dishes and gave Jay his piano lesson this morning I would not worry about any other housework or grown-up responsibilities. I planned on sitting down with a book right when I got home from dropping Jay off at school. I started reading the climax of Cinder last night and I was dying to find out what happened and see if I guessed the ending right. But when I got home, a couple of my sisters needed me. I hope I'm a good sister! I am always 100% willing to do what I can and be there for my dear sisters, so I didn't begrudge a single second of the morning today. A 90 minute phone call with one and a visit with another later, it was suddenly 1:00 pm. 

It was hat day at Jay's school today.

 Taking out the trash in a rainbow wig. First graders are so great!

Even though I did good, useful things all morning, I still selfishly craved my elusive "day off." Don't get me wrong--I was completely willing to do the minuscule things I did for my sisters. I'm glad my they wanted my ear/arms! It was just one of those mornings where I gave gave gave, and I was ready for some serious Shaina time by the afternoon. Amber went down for her nap without complaint and Rose picked out a movie. At last, I settled down at the computer, determined to do a few quick things before reading more of my book. I managed to make enough time to read a few chapters before Jay got home. 

Little Miss Grayce is 1 month old now. Amber was curious for about 20 seconds. It makes me happy that these two are only one year apart. Future best cousin-friends!

When Jeff got home, I decided to go on a run since today was the first time we've seen the sun in weeks and it was a comparatively balmy 44 degrees outside. And if I ran this afternoon while Jeff was home, I wouldn't have to figure out how to do it tomorrow with kids in tow (since I only run 3 weekdays right now, and today was day 3--woot!) My run felt good. I went on a safe, boring out-and-back sidewalk run with zero dogs and plenty of Grandview's "rush hour traffic" roaring past (at 25 mph). When I finished my 4 miles, I did some core exercises and took a luxurious hot shower. Rose only pounded on the bathroom door once. So far so good.

We had a late dinner--leftovers--around 6pm. It was quite the meal. Jeff was feeling exhausted from the week. My post-run fatigue was starting to catch up to me. Jay was reluctant to eat his dinner, picking at it one rice grain at a time. Rose gobbled hers up and started bouncing off the walls--practically ricocheting off of every surface in the house. Amber ate-slimed a banana and then refused all other foods, whining loudly to get down. I told the kids that they needed to do their unfinished chores after dinner (bad timing on my part--they are usually too emotionally fried from the day to accomplish much of anything after dinner). Mr. Responsible Jay did his chore just fine (vacuum the basement entryway where he had tracked in a bunch of dirt earlier today).

Rose, however, succeeded in completely overthrowing, undermining, destroying, draining, emptying, whatever you want to call it, she ENDED my patience for the day. All I asked her to do was put the little people into the box--most of them were scattered around right next to the box, so I thought this would be a simple, quick task for her to do in her tired frenzy. You know, stick to the chore principle without the tired kid chore syndrome? Alas, she simply would NOT do it until I had employed every possible phrasing of "please clean up the little people" that I could conjure up in my own tired brain. Rose ignored me, played around with other toys, talked back to me, claiming that she was cleaning (when she clearly wasn't), saying "I just have to ____ first," etc. etc. etc. Her resistance was almost palpable. I HATE POWER STRUGGLES! I must confess to unleashing my motherly wrath in various loaded sighs, grumbles, and venomous one-liners ("how come nobody listens to me!?!?" etc.) Grumbling and more or less breathing fire, I finally told Rose she had better clean up her part before I cleaned up Amber's mess because she had a 20 minute head start and she still had accomplished nothing. The room was clean five minutes later. Seriously? How come I can't hit upon the right motivation for her on my first try? It's so unfair! The same strategy isn't guaranteed to work two nights in a row, but it may work again a week later, you never know. So I go through the list while hoping that I haven't failed as a parent because I can't make my almost 5 year old daughter clean up a handful of toys willingly, promptly, or quickly.

I felt utterly spent after that Rose-cleanup-ordeal, but we still had to do family scripture and family prayer. It was Rose's turn to pray. I wish I could say that she melted my icy motherly heart by saying something sweet in her prayer, but the prayer was more of the usual variations on a theme: "thank thee for this day, thank thee that we could have a good day, thank thee that today was such a good day, thank thee that we had such a good day today"--it's amazing how many ways that sentiment can be rephrased. 

Wshoo! I just had to get that off my chest. As Jay was heading to bed, he asked me "Mommy, will you lay with me?" (aka, snuggle in bed with him and answer a million philosophical questions). Once again, I must admit defeat. I said no, not tonight. He had asked me last night and I said no then too. Double non-duty. Cue mama-guilt. But I was feeling quite desperate for some alone time. Jeff and I didn't even watch an episode of Netflix after the kids were in bed like we often do. I just needed to sit in a quiet room by myself and finish reading my book, which I did, and it was an annoying cliffhanger ending and I don't have the second book in the series. I came out of my room and topped the night off with an exciting half hour session on the computer, setting up auto pay for my new health insurance.

Real life is so glamorous.

Day: 1, Shaina: 0.

Sigh.

How can I have done so many worthwhile things today but still end the day feeling so...flattened? There were bright spots in my day: holding baby Grayce, running by myself, finishing a book, squishing Amber. But if I had to rate my overall performance today, I'm not sure I would have a passing score. I don't like the knowledge that I chose to give in to my frustrations this evening. 

Swarming Daddy

Thank goodness tomorrow is a fresh start. I WILL TRIUMPH! Or at least be better than I was today. 

That shouldn't be too hard--hah!