Talk and balk

It has been a bit of a nerve-wracking week for me and my introverted-ness. The same night we got home all worn out from Utah/the Ragnar Relay, the executive secretary from our ward called me and asked me to speak in church in ONE WEEK. So instead of laying low and relaxing post-mega-sleep-deprivation last week, I scrambled around in my scrambled brains to concoct a sacrament meeting talk. Every time I am asked to speak in church, I go through something similar to the grieving process, which includes five steps: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. Replace anger with anxiety and that’s about the rainbow of emotions I experience when it comes time for another church talk! This was my fifth talk in six years. I wish that kind of frequency and practice actually made it easier! Hah! As if.

You'd think that I would enjoy such an assignment, since I like writing so much. But I'm finding that my love of writing is kind of teenage-angst-ish in that I do not enjoy being assigned a topic to write about. I especially do not like it when there is a deadline and an assignment. I am a free-spirit writer! Don't tell me what to do! haha. If the mood strikes, I could (and do) write tens of thousands of words! But church talks also have that added anxiety that once it's written, I still have to say all of those words in a microphone. Shudder. I find that I am much more comfortable embellishing my words and crafting sentences that will remain safely, quietly in print and NOT be read aloud through a dread microphone. I had to change my writing style a little bit so that I didn't feel too nerdy up there reading my words to the ward. 

While I was writing my talk last week, I became even more grateful that I had been studying and pondering over the past few weeks and that I wrote down my thoughts--I had some very nice long ready-made paragraphs to inject into my talk! Back in college, I remember a church leader telling our singles ward that we needed to keep on having new spiritual experiences. I think he was talking to the returned missionaries specifically. He said that he hoped they wouldn't only tell stories from their missions when they spoke in church--he hoped they would also have current and ongoing spiritual experiences, and the way to do that is to keep praying and studying the scriptures and pondering every single day. I have always taken that counsel to heart when preparing my own church talks. In fact, I had the same topic this time as I did four years ago but I couldn't use the same talk because my current experiences were no longer current and it bugged me! It feels more real and personal to have current material. That's my very own Shainopinion. 

Intermission: photo interlude involving swinging in the park before swimming lessons

To top off the speaking in church anxiety, I also received a new church calling on the Friday before my talk. I was released from girls activity day leader and called as the secretary in the Young Women's program. This is my very first non-Primary calling at church since I got married and started going to family wards almost ten years ago. I have not been in young women's since I was in high school, as a participant! Things have changed so much, especially with all of the sweet new technology. I feel a bit overwhelmed, but one good thing about websites and apps is I do not have to lug around a 20 pound 3-inch binder at church every Sunday! All I need is my iPad and maybe a small folder to keep class roll lists in. BOOM. Now, I just have to make sure I know how to use all of the technological stuff! Haha.  

So all of this talk-writing and public speaking stress and new calling qualms really sapped my creative energy last week. I am slowly recovering from that drain and the resulting mild writer's block. You know, I think it's safe to say that my writer's block is gone--I sat down to do a quick photo and talk text post and look where my typing has taken me! I am becoming heftily long winded in my middle age. But I do have three more thoughts to get out before I stop. 

 {water bobs}

Three positives from my Sunday of strain sitting up front and giving a talk:

1. When I finished writing my talk and had tweaked it to my satisfaction, I stopped praying for help to write it and started praying hard for help GIVING it. Namely, I prayed specifically NOT TO CRY while giving my talk this time around. I felt good about what I had chosen to say and I just wanted to say it without weeping for once. It is a very vulnerable feeling to get up in front of a hundred people and tell personal stories, thoughts, and insights that are close to my heart. No matter how often I have read my talks in the past to "desensitize" my emotions in them, I have still wobbled and sniffled through parts of them. I just did not feel like doing that this time, and I felt perfectly ok about asking for divine intervention on my behalf in that area. And I got it! I did not shed a single tear while I was speaking in the microphone at church. That has to be a first, and I was so grateful. 

2. Jeff also got a new church calling this Sunday. He was released as a ward missionary and gospel principles instructor and called as the new ward Sunday School president. That is one of his favorite callings, professional teacher that he is. But the cool part came when we were standing up in church to be sustained in our new callings by the ward members. Since I was giving a talk later in the meeting, I was sitting up front facing the congregation. I happened to be sitting right across from where Jeff and the kids were sitting. They were about ten rows back in the chapel, but when Jeff and I were standing up to be sustained, we were facing each other. It was neat to face my husband while we each raised our hands and sustained ourselves and each other! I loved it and I think I may have even teared up a little bit at the levels of symbolism that occurred to me in the moment. It was also nice to be up front and see the whole ward raise their hands and sustain me. It just felt good.

3. Before the sacrament, we sang I Stand All Amazed--a true classic, and one of the most beautifully personal hymns about the Savior in the whole book. Since I actually know most of the words to that one, I found myself looking out at the congregation from my seat up front while we sang. Wow. I kept looking back down at my knees because it felt like I was invading private moments everywhere I looked! I was amazed at the feeling of worship that flooded the room from every person singing that sacred hymn. I can hardly even attempt to describe a few scenes that I saw. One older, single sister was singing in such a sincere way that I could tell she felt and meant every single word personally. A couple whose last daughter recently got married and left home sat close together, husband's arm around his wife while they shared a hymnbook and sang together. I loved their unity in worship. A family with young kids was a bit more wiggly, but the mom held the baby on her lap and silently played peek a boo while she sang. In the back, two much older couples sitting behind an assortment of walkers sang together. They had been doing that same thing every Sunday for the past fifty years, and their experienced tried-and-true testimonies shined out. All of these different people in different stages of life were in that one chapel together, singing the same hymn together about the same Savior, who knows, understands, and loves each one of them. It was a beautiful moment. 

 {evening sunshine and post-bath curls}

Ok, here's my talk. Like I said, I used some things that I posted here over the past couple weeks. I almost didn't even post the talk because so much of it is from previous blog posts, but some of it isn't and what's the internet for if not to share goodness? Even if it is LONG. This is really extra credit reading here.

Eternal Families and Jesus Christ’s Example

by Shaina White, June 26, 2016

INTRO
Good morning! My topic today is eternal families. In today’s world, I feel incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful family of my own: a five-star husband and three kids. They are pretty great. Elder Neil L. Anderson said “We will continue to teach the Lord’s pattern for families, but now with millions of members and the diversity we have in the children of the Church, we need to be even more thoughtful and sensitive.” With that counsel in mind, I’m going to talk about following Jesus Christ’s example, since that applies to all stages of life and to all kinds of families.

The doctrine
First, let’s talk basic gospel doctrine about eternal families. The doctrine of eternal families is this: “Families can be together forever. To enjoy this blessing we must be married in the temple. When people are married outside the temple, the marriage ends when one of the partners dies. When we are married in the temple by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood, we are married for time and eternity. If we keep our covenants with the Lord, our families will be united eternally as husband, wife, and children. Death cannot separate us.”

That is the simple doctrine, straight from chapter 36 of the Gospel Principles book. “The family is ordained of God” and is the most important unit in the church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints exists to support families and help them progress toward eternal life. Elder Neil L. Anderson said “While a child’s earthly situation may not be ideal, a child’s spiritual DNA is perfect because one’s true identity is as a son or daughter of God.” I love the idea of spiritual DNA—it shows our potential! No individual or family is perfect, but we can each keep doing our best to follow Jesus Christ’s example.

An eternal family is the long-term goal, but during mortal life we all have agency and we can only control the choices of one person: ourselves. I know that the Lord accepts our best efforts and helps us along the way. Elder Holland said “Please remember tomorrow, and all the days after that, that the Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going. If you fall, summon His strength…He will help you get back up. He will help you repent, repair, fix whatever you have to fix, and keep going.” That is the beautiful message of the gospel of Jesus Christ: even though we make mistakes, we can be healed and keep going forward, trying to follow Jesus’ example.

Following Jesus’ Example
Lately I have been pondering Jesus Christ’s life, teachings, and example and how they apply to me and my family in specific, real situations. Relating my own life directly to the Savior’s mortal life helps me see how he handled similar situations so I can follow his example better.

While trying to read scriptures through the loud sounds of my children a few weeks ago, I was thinking about Jesus Christ and what parts of his life and ministry relate directly to my current phase of life as a mother of young children. As my train of thought was interrupted for the tenth time, I started wondering how Jesus would handle personal scripture study and prayer every day amidst the loudness and chaos of young kids. That wry thought turned into sincere pondering, and I came up with two ideas—two parallels between my life as a parent and Jesus’ life on earth.

One: personal time. With my young kids, right now I have very little alone time because if I'm awake, the kids sense it and must climb onto me or play/talk loudly right next to me. It's sweet that they want to be near me, but that noise and constant conversing with them makes it very difficult to have the peaceful personal time I need to really study the scriptures meaningfully every day.

Jesus was followed by multitudes of people asking him questions, wanting him to teach, and begging to be healed. I always thought it was so good that those people followed him around because that's what we're supposed to do, right? Follow the Savior—and those people literally followed him. But I recently realized that he still sought out his personal alone time. Mark 1:35-37 shows how he arose early and went to pray:

"And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed. And Simon and they that were with him followed after him. And when they had found him, they said unto him, All men seek for thee."

That sounds oh-so-familiar to me in regards to my attempts at daily scripture study—being “followed after” and then found while I’m trying to ponder! The way Jesus handled the constant barrage of human contact was he got up early and/or retreated to the mountains to "commune" with God. That is a noble effort, but it didn't always work for very long, even for Jesus. He was always being interrupted! And he was never upset when his disciples interrupted him or when someone wanted to be healed. He simply stopped his personal prayer or study and went about doing good, regardless of how much sleep he had missed or how little personal time he had had. What a powerful example.

TWO: sleep. Yes, sleep. Sleep is a very basic physical need that parents regularly sacrifice for their family. Loved ones in need are completely worth the sacrifice, but that doesn’t make it easy. During his mortal life, Jesus Christ also sacrificed a significant amount of sleep. I'd say the sleep issue is closely related to his personal time. He gave up sleep to get his prayer and pondering done early in the morning, and that, along with all of the hours of teaching and service he rendered the multitudes made him tired. Several times the scriptures mention his physical fatigue--he was taking a nap when his disciples woke him up to calm the sea! Since I am prone to seasickness, I always wondered how on earth Jesus slept in a rocking boat through such a violent storm, but I think it shows just how tired he was and how MUCH of his physical needs he was giving up to serve, love, teach, and heal the people. That’s another quiet, selfless, perfect example to us. Of course we need to take care of ourselves, but the lesson of patience and selflessness here still stands. Once again, Jesus didn't get mad at his disciples for waking him up to calm the wind and sea; he simply helped them without complaint.

Mark 4:39 says: "And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."

I LOVE that scripture. Being awoken from a restful, much-needed sleep by a scared or needy person is something that as a parent, I can easily relate to right now. And it goes further than just interrupted sleep--interrupted anything! I also love the phrase "peace, be still" and the result of that statement: "there was a great calm." Reading those phrases over and over is soothing, because some weeks daily obstacles and challenges are harder to laugh off than others. When I imagine mySELF as the turbulent wind and sea, and imagine the Savior rebuking ME and telling ME to have peace and be still, it is humbling.

Jesus always said “come.” The only people he ever told to go away were those defiling the temple and of course Satan himself with a: “get thee hence.” He invited everyone else to come unto him, especially the little children. “Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:14) In my family I feel best when I follow Jesus’ example by always welcoming my kids as well as others—family members or not—never telling them to go away.

Elder Neil L. Anderson told a great story about a large church meeting he attended in Africa recently:

“Because the chapel was not large enough for the 2,000 members, we met out of doors under large plastic coverings supported by bamboo poles. As the meeting began, we could see dozens of children watching us, clinging to the bars on the outside of the wrought-iron fence that surrounded the property. Kathy quietly whispered, “Neil, do you think that you might want to invite the children to come in?” I approached District President Kalonji at the podium and asked him if he would welcome the children outside the fence to come join us inside.

“To my surprise, with President Kalonji’s invitation, the children not only came but came running—more than 50, perhaps 100—some with tattered clothes and bare feet but all with beautiful smiles and excited faces.

I was deeply moved by this experience and saw it as symbolic of our need to reach out to the youth who feel alone, left behind, or outside the fence. Let us think about them, welcome them, embrace them, and do everything we can to strengthen their love for the Savior. Jesus said, “Whoso shall receive one such … child in my name receiveth me.”

I love that story—can you imagine a hundred kids literally running into church? I bet that meeting was a whole lot livelier when all of those kids arrived than it was before! The people in the congregation there probably all had to work together to help those extra kids stay reverent and still feel welcome. Those saints are such a wonderful example of church members following Jesus’ example of loving and welcoming children. This story makes me want to do my part to help our own ward family always be welcoming and understanding like Jesus, whether it’s to a new member, a visitor or even a noisy child. Getting through church meetings with kids can be a challenge, but remembering the Savior and trying to emulate him really helps.

During the sacrament at church two months ago, I was trying to pray but I kept stopping mid-sentence to manage children—to take away loud crinkly papers, motion at someone to SIT DOWN, stop someone else’s feet from kicking the bench in front of us, tell them to whisper, etc. It was not feeling very peaceful or reflective in our pew. I finally gave up on praying about whatever I had started praying about, and said a quick desperate/exasperated mental-mom prayer instead. It went something like this: “I’m sorry that I can’t sit here and think about Jesus and be still and reflective during the sacrament! I have to teach my kids how to behave during the sacrament too, and I can’t figure out how to do both.”

Worshiping and teaching feel mutually exclusive, especially during the sacrament! As I was saying my little prayer, (it was said in my head while I was reaching over and under children), this thought came to me and hit me right in the heart: “The atonement is for this moment too.” Amidst the semi-silent chaos on our row, I suddenly felt a flood of love and understanding from the spirit. It filled my heart and taught me that parents are doing the Lord’s work by teaching their kids how to act during church, and in order to do that we often have to sacrifice our own quiet time to pray, ponder, and worship during the sacrament.  Jesus Christ’s atonement makes up for anything I wish I was doing or think I should be doing during the sacrament. The atonement not only “makes up” for what we can’t do, it supports us through what we can do! The atonement is for this moment too.

Missionary example
My sister Mel is serving a mission in Cambodia right now. Having a sibling on a mission is awesome. I love reading my sister’s emails. It is inspiring to see how hard missionaries work every day to follow the example of Jesus Christ. When things aren’t going well, I’ve noticed that they nearly always circle back around and figure out how they can follow Jesus Christ’s example better. That is a great pattern for the rest of us too! So, Mel has been in Cambodia for six months. A few weeks ago, she wrote about how different she feels now that she’s finally gotten into the “missionary groove,” and that groove isn’t what I expected it to be, with learning the language and teaching the gospel. She said:

“…when I came to Cambodia[,] For my first two transfers I was a little distraught because I literally had NO idea how to be Melody Brown the missionary in Cambodia. Not that I wasn't learning how to be a missionary, and not that the culture shock was bad. Those two things were actually not even an issue at all! The main source of my distress was that literally EVERYTHING I had done in my life up until that point has little to no significance to the khmae people. Whether or not I was good at basketball… what classes i took, if i kept my 4.0 or not, if i went to church every sunday, what calling I had, ALL OF IT doesn't mean anything to them. Most people here have never even seen basketball game… Grades are not based on a 4 point system, that is if you even make it through high school, and culturally [in Cambodia] Sunday has nothing to do with church. Up until that point, MELODY BROWN was defined by all of that, what i did, how successful i was at doing it, and how other people saw me doing it. I never… was doing it for other people. I always worked hard because I loved what I was doing, and I [always wanted to go to church]. But the fact of the matter was, I came here and all of that was stripped away, and there I stood having absolutely no idea how to be ME.

“…I decided to just be SISTER BROWN, and let the work do the talking for itself. And it wasn't too difficult because I am not here to represent myself, I'm here to represent Christ so what matters is that they know HIM THROUGH ME, not just me. As I was thinking these exact thoughts a few days ago, IT HIT ME…All of the Melody was stripped away when I got here…but NOW, I don't feel like I did before, AT ALL. [It’s not that] everything I did [before] doesn't matter, but… everything I AM right now, not just what I am doing, is what matters most. If you were to look at me now, not just the work I am doing as a missionary… But REALLY LOOK at me, and who I am…compared to before, IT IS SO MUCH BETTER…now you [w]on't just see me, you will see me standing behind my Savior. You won't just see how many times I have woken up on time or how many people I contacted, you will see how I have become a disciple, a devoted servant, of our Savior. When I am looking at myself even further down the road, after marriage and kids and grandkids, I don't want to see how big my house is or how many church callings I have had. I want to see if I love the scriptures and serve my neighbor and minister to those in need. I don't want to see the number of times I attend the temple but rather the revelation I receive there. So in the end, I really want to see my relationship with the Savior, one that has been there all along but has gotten stronger than I ever imagined possible and still has much room to grow.”

I love that simple, profound lesson: the most important, useful thing we can do is to stand behind the Savior and follow his example, so that others can know him through us. The gospel really is as simple as that. As we follow Jesus Christ’s example, we improve not only ourselves, but also our relationship with Jesus Christ.

A Firm Foundation
The Proclamation to the World on the family teaches us that “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” I think it’s safe to expand that statement to “happiness in LIFE is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. In order to be happy, each individual AND each family needs the firmest foundation possible, like it says in Helaman 5:12:

“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”

It doesn’t say we might not fall or that we may sometimes teeter or slip on the edge; it says we CANNOT fall as long as our families are truly founded on the rock of Jesus Christ! I like that assurance. As long as we are focusing on the teachings of the Savior in our families, we cannot fall prey to the storms of the devil. When we make following the perfect example of Jesus Christ a priority in our family and personal life, WE CANNOT FALL.

I know that Jesus Christ lives and I am so thankful for his example. He is the way. I know that families can be together forever. I know that if we do our best to follow Jesus Christ’s example every day, we will be happier individually, and our families will be happier too.  

Sources:

Elder Neil L. Anderson “Whoso Receiveth Them, Receiveth Me” April 2016 General Conference

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland “Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You” April 2016 General Conf

Gospel Principles p. 207-211 Chapter 36 The Family Can Be Eternal

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, by the First Presidency, 1995

Annnnnd of course, the scriptures and my brain, with the help of the Holy Ghost :)