He knows and he cares

I know two people who died this week. One was over the age of sixty, the other was under the age of thirty. I didn't know them well; in fact it's likely that neither one could have picked me out in a crowd. But I know people who care about them, and knowing that someone I care about is hurting affects my heart. I feel for them and their families. Their sorrow took me out of myself and my own insignificant bubble of everyday concerns with cleaning, packing, planning, and moving. I am grateful for the perspective I gained from stepping back and appreciating what I have.

When I read about the death of the 28 year old sister of my high school classmate yesterday, I teared up. Maybe my tears welled up because she was close to my age and left so many dreams unfinished. Maybe because her sister wrote the most beautiful tribute to her life and how she clung to her strong Catholic faith even in the middle of such a heartbreakingly difficult trial. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have a loving family with sisters and brothers and parents who really care. Whatever the reasons, the wave of emotion took me off guard and I thought about life and death all day. These two different women from different lives died during the same week. They didn't know each other on earth, but they both went to the same place after they died. In the wake of Easter celebrations, I felt even closer to Jesus Christ when I learned of these deaths.

While I was pondering, healing, and wondering at life throughout the day yesterday, I received two tender mercies that opened my mind and brought me peace beyond just knowing that these women are in a better place. I wasn't even looking for or asking for any help or comfort; I was just pondering life and taking time to pause and feel. One of the first posts I saw when I looked at Instagram after reading about 28-year-old Kelly's death was too perfect to be a coincidence. On Instagram, ldschurch shared a short story about a lady who lost her sister to cancer. She wrote "Don't be discouraged. Jesus Christ gives you hope...turn to your Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ...for peace and comfort and hope." Yes, I thought--always.

I am working my way through reading all of the General Conference talks from the latest conference. The next one up under my bookmark yesterday was by Elder W. T. Clayton, titled Our Father's Glorious Plan. It spoke straight to my heart and reinforced the gospel's eternal perspective to me in straightforward, direct language. Elder Clayton's words walk us along our journey through the plan of salvation, explaining each stage along the route back to Heavenly Father.

"Because of God's holy plan, we know that birth and death are actually just milestones on our journey to eternal life...each of us is precious to Him. We lived with Him for eons of time before our mortal birth--learning, choosing, and preparing...When we die, our spirits leave our bodies, and we go to the next stage of our journey, the spirit world. It is a place of learning, repentance, forgiveness, and becoming where we await the Resurrection...There is so much more to our existence than just what happens between birth and death." 

Those words struck a chord in my heart and I felt peace, love, and comfort straight from above regarding the recent deaths as well as moving forward and living this life of mine. I have been feeling overwhelmed and anxious about our upcoming move, but this was a reminder that my concerns over our housing situation are part of the journey. We've gotten through bigger things in the past, and we will work through our current challenges too.

The Lord knows every individual on earth personally. He knows ME and cares about me personally enough to send me specific tender mercies when I am only peripherally affected by the deaths of "friends of friends" as it were. Realizing that these small simple comforts I felt yesterday were given to me by a loving God who loves and knows every single person made me feel big and small all at once. I felt BIG--big enough to be loved and noticed by God. I felt small--one small speck amidst an entire world of people laden with far greater challenges than my little life will ever know. As I thought about it, the big feeling and the small feeling combined into awe at the love of God. It is big enough to know everyone, and small enough to care about every detail. He knows everything and he knows everyone. He cares about everything and he cares about everyone. He knows and he cares. 

Life as we have known it for the past five years is spiraling away fast, like water down a drain. We have just over a month left in our house--the buyers' closing date is May 30th. We are putting our stuff in storage and moving in with Jeff's kind parents for the summer while we continue the house-finding process in Sunnyside. Swirl, swirl, spiral...it is all sliding away and I don't know what's going to happen or where exactly we will land at the end of it. Stress! But we have felt good about every decision we have made so far along this journey, and we are no strangers to taking leaps of faith. In fact, every single one of our leaps of faith in the past has landed us higher, farther, and better than we ever could have gotten alone. So we are taking another leap into the uncertain, uncomfortable, and unknown, and praying that we will land higher/farther/better. Life will keep coming, and we will keep praying because God knows and he cares.

Considering the deaths of these two strong women brought a unique type of humility into my mind and opened my heart to learn, understand, and feel ok about our bumpy journey through life's transitions. God will help us figure out where to live because he knows and he cares. All he asks from us is a little patience and faith. The return will be so much more than an eventual house. Exercising patience and faith through uncomfy times is refining. I have learned that lesson over and over, but I needed the reminder.

He knows and he cares, he knows and he cares.