Blog mag

It came! It came! 

the front

For YEARS I have wished for a way to print this ole blog onto paper for safekeeping against various electronic apocalypses. But photo books are ridiculously expensive! One year of a blog this size in photo book form could easily cost a couple of hundred dollars. Believe me, I've done the math. Instead of printing the blog and photos into a book, I have been making one modest sized photo book per year, with some favorite photos in it and little to no text. While they are visually stunning and fun to flip through, it's hard to let the kids drool over an $80 book and wrinkle/tear the pages! Last September, I discovered that a photo book printing company that I've used in the past called Blurb has drastically updated its publishing program and format options. They now offer a lower-cost magazine format! After a little bit of thought, I decided to give it a shot.  So I downloaded the free Blurb program called BookWright and started transferring blog posts and pictures, one by one, into a homemade magazine.

A few weeks into the project, I realized that one year of blog posts would make a giant of a magazine, so I settled on making two volumes of the magazine per year, with 6 months of posts in each one. Starting last October, every time I did a blog post, I quickly copied the text over into the magazine program and added the corresponding pictures. In that way, I was able to keep the magazine abreast of my current posts. The magazine was practically coming together by itself! Since I didn't commit to this plan until late in the year, however, there was plenty of retroactive text and photo saving to be done. Let me tell you, that was a whole lot of work! For ever blog post, I copied and pasted the text into a Microsoft Word document. Then I had to go through our photo files with the blog post pulled up online and eyeball which pictures went with each post. I copied and pasted the corresponding pictures into separate folders for each post. Once I had a whole month worth of text and photo folders saved, I added them, post by post, into the magazine.

the inside!

The layouts that came with the BookWright program were LAME. Like, one photo per page lame. So I ended up designing a couple dozen of my own photo-heavy layouts along the way. Like most record-keeping projects, this was incredibly time consuming. I finally finished funneling posts from July, August, September, October, November, and December 2015 into my first-ever magazine this weekend. What do you know? There was a 35% off promotion going on when I finished! On Saturday afternoon, I ordered my 178 page magazine in premium paper for a mere $32.

the spine

This morning, there was a knock on our front door. Imagine my surprise when my magazine was delivered into my hands, two and a half business days after I ordered it! I did not pay extra for fast shipping or anything, but it still came an entire week early. It was so unexpected and exciting! Even more surprising and exciting was the thick, heavyweight quality of the magazine. It is as sturdy as a paperback book. I am STOKED!

the back

Blog mag. Blogazine. Blog magazine. Maggy-blog. Magalog. Whatever it's called, I sacrificed a whole lot of Amber-nap quiet time to make this magazine...and now I want to make 14 more! Haha, daunting task, anyone?

A rotten day

Hi, my name is Shaina and I just had a really rotten day. This brownie sundae is not making anything better, but it sure tastes good. Nothing really big and bad happened today, just a bunch of small STUFF that wore me down bit by bit all day, culminating in a phone call to my mom where I unloaded all of those burdens into her ear, had a cry, and received wise, loving words of comfort, which gave me the strength to unlock my bedroom door and jump back into the bedtime fray. I'm sure I could write a snappy, snarky description of my day and all of the ridiculous obstacles I faced. It would probably be quite an entertaining read. But as therapeutic as that would be, I find that can't bring myself to write it for three reasons:

1. A good number of the things weighing on me are not my stories to share. I'm not being mysterious on purpose; there are some things that just aren't blog material. A couple of the straws on my back today involved issues in some of those areas: the health and family of people I care about. As a highly sensitive person, when people I care about feel something, I feel it right along with them--sometimes I swear I feel it MORE than they do! [another article about high sensitivity here--I only recently learned that being highly sensitive is an actual trait, and I find it fascinating to basically read about myself and have a Ph.D. tell me I'm normal--haha] I inherited my ability to worry from my grandma--she got ulcers from it. Often I joke about how I'm going to grow an ulcer for every single person I know and then add to it every time something happens to them. While I don't currently have any ulcers, I do have to work hard not to worry about and for everyone I know!
2. The more I examine my "rotten day," the more I realize that it really was just a normal day and the problem was internal: I just wasn't feeling up to the challenge today. Or maybe I was feeling too sensitive to handle today. Something. I didn't make lemonade out of those lemons that were chucked at my head. I let them give me a black eye and then I cried about it.
3. Countless people out there have actual REAL trials (as opposed to the comparatively small obstacles I faced today). In my own life I have even faced MUCH harder trials than anything I faced today! When I think of the specific people with those hard trials whom I personally know, I feel even more pathetic for letting the messes, aborted naps, last minute cancellations, mile-high responsibilities, emotional burdens, and family demands get to me today. The thought that "someone has it worse" has never really been a comfort to me because it's not my style to find solace in other peoples' suffering. Tonight the fact that other people have harder trials right now served more as a way to give me perspective on my own day--to view it for what it was: a regular ole day with regular ole setbacks.

Jeff had parent teacher conferences yesterday and today. Translation: two back to back 14 hour days for him at work (since he bikes and runs to and from work, the time adds up that high). Two extra-draining days for both of us. Yesterday I was TOTALLY up to the challenge and basically felt like SuperWoMom (superwoman who's also an awesome mom: different from supermom, who has no super powers outside of her motherhood). Today, not so much. Instead of trying to figure out where I went wrong or what I can do better next time, I'm working on just moving on: forgiving myself for today's blahs.

After my healing mom-phone-call, I'm trying not to think about the TWO people I know who have had a parent die in the past two months who do not have the same luxury as I do of calling their moms after a bad day. In a way I feel guilty about feeling so extra grateful (in light of my friends' recent losses) that I could call my mom today, because I know not everyone can do that! How's that for a confusing emotion? Survivor's guilt? It makes my heart ache to even think about what it would be like not to be able to call my mom when I need her--or [possibly] worse, to have a mom who wouldn't care or want to hear about my bad day. I hurt for the people I know in both of those mom (or mom-less) situations. Those thoughts alone are enough to erase the rottenness right out of my day with sheer gratitude for my living, loving mother.

My brownie sundae is now in my tummy. Mmm. I am going to be still now: work on letting the day go. Not stressing about the maybes, the should-haves, and the if-onlys. Leaving today where it belongs: behind me. Looking forward to tomorrow: a fresh start. The phrase "fresh start" always inspires HOPE in my heart.

I hope I never have to wake a sleeping, molar-growing, congested baby early from a nap again. Especially to attend an event that was cancelled! 

I hope I remember not to do my pigtails quite so tight next time. I also hope I can tie my scarf that well on my first try next time!

I hope I remember that grilled cheese and tomato soup is a perfectly acceptable, tasty, cheap, EASY dinner. 

Sigh. I feel much better already. Writing about my day seems to have been therapeutic after all, even without all the gory details! 

Ponderizing

[I can NOT for the life of me figure out how to make this text any bigger. I change the size and it seems to get smaller every time I do, so get out your magnifying glass! Grrr!]

This week I had a brush with fame! I "liked" Kara Goucher's Facebook page (elite marathoner and awesome human being) a while ago. On Monday, I read an interview she posted where she mentioned being bitten by a dog during one of her runs. I simply HAD to sympathize, so I wrote her a comment. She clicked like under my comment! We're basically best friends now. Hahaha! Seriously, though, the Olympic Marathon Trials are coming up on February 13th and the women's race is going to be spectacular. It is the deepest field of elite, SMOKING fast women in the history of the USA. Kara Goucher is one of my favorites, but I am also partial to Shalane Flannagan, Sara Hall, and Andrea Duke. Andrea Duke is especially amazing because she had never even run a sub-7 minute mile until a few years ago! When her son had a bad accident and shattered his femur, she started running HARD and FAST to deal with the stress. Suddenly she was winning races and people noticed her and they persuaded her to try and qualify for the Olympics. I mean, who becomes an elite marathoner for the first time AFTER having two kids? 

Ok, I probably could go on, but I'll stop there. I don't usually follow elite runners this closely, but it is so fun to read up on the possible Olympians! They are so intense. I am in awe. 

Amby-bamby has been congested and wheezy for well over a month. This week I took her back to the doctor for the second time this month, just to make sure she didn't have some deadly disease. We came home with antibiotics and a nebulizer for breathing treatments. Her breathing is still loud and bubbly, but she sounds a little better now. It could be the medicine or it could be just the timing! She is currently in the process of growing four big sharp molars--I can see their whiteness emerging more and more every day. Stuffy plus cough plus giant sharp teeth growing equal not the greatest night sleeps lately. But it could be worse, and Amber seems to be doing much better now. We even went to CHURCH for the first time in two weeks today! It was so nice.

 Can you see those molars back there? OUCH! And Amber loves to accessorize already. I put real shoes on her for the first time this week and she picked out a necklace and headband to complete the ensemble.

 I let Amber and Rose push the cart around Safeway while we were waiting to pick up Amber's prescriptions. It was slow, crooked going. Amber kept dashing off to destroy shelves of carefully placed merchandise. It was a tough milk-bananas-antibiotics run. These mini shopping carts they have don't have seats for kids. Normally I just get a bigger cart, but we didn't need very many things and Amber was starting to get the hang of her shoes. I felt like such a nice mom letting my one year old walk around the grocery store! Don't get used to it, little sister!

The first few breathing treatments were wrestling crying fiascos, but Amber has gotten used to them a little more now.

This week I tried something new and noticed the difference--I felt calmer and happier and more patient. I didn't realize that the difference I felt was related to the change I made until yesterday. My inspiration was this: a big reason I have been feeling so calm and centered and cheerful lately is because of one change I made earlier this month and one change I made earlier this week:

1. Instead of doing nothing or sometimes taking my phone into the bathroom while I sit there, I have started reading the Book of Mormon whenever I go to the bathroom. (TMI...?) I actually got the idea from my friend, and put a copy of the Book of Mormon in the bathroom on the same day, at the beginning of the year/month. I don't read every single time I dash in to pee, but I do read a page or at least some verses a couple of times each day. I really have been noticing what a difference it has made to fill that otherwise mindless time with goodness. I've already read more than 40 pages in the Book of Mormon this month, all in the bathroom! I don't know if I should be proud of that and tell people how great it is or...keep it to myself--haha!

2. This week I re-committed to "ponderizing" one scripture every week, like Elder Devin G. Durrant described in his recent General Conference talk (Oct 2015, My Heart Pondereth Them Continually). Basically,  he suggests choosing one scripture verse per week to post where you'll see it and read it often. I tried ponderizing back in October after General Conference by writing a verse on a note card and hanging it in the kitchen like Elder Durrant's wife does, but I hardly ever saw the note card! And writing out a verse takes forever! I made it through two note cards in October and then lost my momentum. I re-read that talk this week and found a better way to keep my weekly scripture in front of me: I put it on the home screen of my phone. Now every time I pick up my phone, whether it's to look at Instagram or to text someone, etc, the first thing I do is read a scripture. Every time. Poof! It has been wonderful.

Those two changes are minuscule, but the rewards have been giant! How I feel: I feel calmer and more able to handle setbacks in my day, from Amber unfolding the laundry to Rose's stubbornness to Jay's 100 questions. I'm not perfect at all, but I feel the difference in my "inner zen." I feel more centered and in tune with the Spirit. Rather than spend those minutes in the bathroom doing mindless staring, I have chosen to focus my mind on the best book. Instead of instantly going to an app on my phone, I read a hand-picked scripture first. There is power in placing things of God FIRST.

Here's a screen shot of my cute little scripture home screen. I felt rather clever the way I managed to get a fancy design to show up with the words. I used my Project Life digital scrapbooking app to type the scripture on a patterned background and then saved it as my home screen's background. A bonus of this method is after a few months, I'll have a whole file full of cute little scripture cards saved as a record of my weekly ponderizing verses.

Before I got a smartphone (I've only had one for a year and a half--wow, it seems like longer) I never would've dreamed how many times each day I'd pick up my phone to look UP something, look AT something, text someone, take a picture, or read something. It's a lot of times. Reading a scripture a dozen times each day or more has been wonderful. The more I think about it, the more profound it becomes! 2 Nephi 32:9 says "ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray...that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul." Reading a scripture on the home screen of my phone every time I pick it up to do something else is a way of living that prayer-first principle, but with a scripture instead. The result is the same: I pause for a moment and turn my thoughts toward God before carrying on. It is one more small way to "always remember him." 

When I expose myself to the "good word of God" multiple times every day, I am more in tune with the Spirit, my heart is softer, and my thoughts are turned to the Lord and how I can be more like him. This year when I set my goals, I kept thinking to myself that I needed to write reminders on cards and hang them up so I can actually remember that I am trying to be more patient and that I'm working on staying cheerful and positive in all situations. Ponderizing a verse via my phone's home screen and bathroom BOM-ing (eek, borderline pun) have turned my thoughts inward and upward multiple times throughout each day. As a result, I have found myself remembering my resolve to be more patient, etc. simply through all of the positive effects of having the scriptures constantly before my eyes. Two tiny course alterations have affected me positively--far more than I thought they would when I first made these changes. 

The scripture I ponderized this week was 3 Nephi 11:37, about repenting and becoming as a little child. Normally I prefer bright, bold scriptures (like go and do, or pray always, etc.) over the repent-or-suffer type, but this one really stood out to me this week and I chose it. The phrase "repent and become as a little child" has been a perfect reminder of how I want to be: cheerful, positive, patient, courageous, and kind--like a child. And I love how it also reminds me in the same breath to repent and keep on working to master those childlike qualities. Repent first, become second. Pray and try, pray and try. Exactly what I need to see and think about every single day, over and over. 

I LOVE how we can always learn more and become STRONGER! It's the best. I'm still in awe of the BIG difference I have felt from the simple act of changing the background on my phone.

After a walk, I unbuckled the baby carrier and Amber fell back onto the bed in a daze for a few minutes before even trying to get up. This is how I often imagine anyone who actually reads through one of my long, winding posts looks when they finish: full to bursting with words words words, glassy-eye, with a trickle of drool dripping down. Sometimes that's how I look when I'm done writing!

Home day

While we were getting ready to go to school this morning, Jay said he didn't want to go today. He sometimes says that but more in a hopeful, "I want to stay home and play" sort of tone. Today when he said it he also said "I need a break from the boys on the playground." His little chin got all wobbly and he teared up. When I asked him what they did, he said they tease him about playing with girls. Jay is so sweet and kind and fun that the girls all love playing with him. He's mentioned this teasing before, but I think it has affected him more this week because two of his friends from last year are joining in now. Traitors! If there's one thing Jay can't stand, it's betrayal of trust. Arg, those rude kids! Cue mama-bear hackles rising. Jay said that normally he just ignores their teasing and keeps playing. I told him that was a very good, brave thing to do. Rose piped up with "Jay, when I'm in school, I will play with you on the playground!" And tonight in her prayer before bed, she said "Please help the bullies on the playground to be nice to Jay." Jay has a champion.

I let Jay stay home from school today. I was concerned with setting a bad precedent and also concerned with letting Jay hide from problems. In my uncertainty, I said a quick, garbled mental prayer and it suddenly felt right to let him stay home. I'm finding that my philosophy with school is that yes, it's good to go most of the time, but if the kid needs a break or if school is damaging my child's aura, BOOM, day off! Stay home, recharge, nurture, nourish, feel loved and important, adjust and polish that armor, and then head back into the fray. I think a friend from our ward helped me come to that conclusion. She tries to give all of her kids "mental health" days off of school regularly, and I think that is a genius idea. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and when we're sick physically we stay home from school! The best way to stay mentally fit and healthy is to take time off every now and then too!

So this morning, we stopped right in the middle of the getting ready rush. We happened to all be in my bedroom, and we all lounged on the bed and snuggled. I held my big 6.5 year old boy and we talked. We talked about other kids and how to be brave and kind no matter how hard it is. We talked about some silly things he could say back to those rude kids: "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!" cliches and stuff. We talked about how sad it is that kids act mean sometimes. It felt so RIGHT to stop our morning rush and take time to think and connect. Jay needed it. He needed his mom and all the hugs and encouragement and comfort I could give him. So I did my best, hoping I was being and doing what was best for him right then. Even though Jay was sad, this morning was one of those sacred moments of motherhood that strengthen my conviction of the value of staying home and being there for my kids 100%. Nothing can replace together time. I am endlessly grateful for this beautiful, exhausting, fun, terrifying job and for these three precious humans that give me purpose, stretch me, teach me, and need me. 

Today Jay played with Rose, finished reading another Magic Treehouse book (#15 I think), snuggled with me, talked, relaxed, ate the lunch I had already packed for him, and watched Captain America with Rose in the afternoon. He said his favorite part of that movie was the music. It is good heroic music. We also built a giant wooden basilisk out of 300 citi blocks. We only had one tiny picture in the booklet to look at, and it took forever to build, but it turned out pretty awesome in the end.

 I remember wearing Mr. Potato Head glasses when I was little!

I feel like I'm on the verge of having to go "radio silent" about Jay's life, because he's getting older and it seems like an invasion of his privacy to share such personal concerns of his life outside our family. I read this wonderful article once about why parents of older kids need to be reserved. The reason it gave was because parents have to be their kids' one sure safe zone. In this turbulent world, kids have to be able to trust their parents with everything, and not have it revealed to the world. That idea really stuck with me, and I'm starting to feel the pull to move in that direction with Jay. I don't think he would be embarrassed or upset with me for sharing this...I hope I'm right! Once again I find myself toeing that elusive line between personal journal entry and bland blog post. I just really FEEL about this day and wanted to share some thoughts.

Balm

Remember how excited I was about 9am church? I've only gone ONCE this whole year! Yes, it's only the third Sunday of the year, but it still feels like forever since I went to church. Poor Amber still sounds so raspy and congested that I kept her home again today. I have been trying to make the Sundays that I stay home from church more...Sunday-ish? Because I WANT and NEED that weekly spiritual re-set. After Jeff, Jay, and Rose left for church this morning, I attempted to have a little personal church at home to invite the Spirit and to rid myself of the nagging hollow feeling of being left behind and missing out on church. I applied various forms of balm to my motherly soul:

• I read "Behold Thy Mother" By Elder Holland, from the October 2015 General Conference. It's so amazing, it's almost cliché by now! But I find that if I read parts of that talk whenever I'm feeling worn out, uncertain, overwhelmed, or inadequate, it heals me right up and makes me think I can do this after all. 
• I read my journal/blog post from July 23, 2015, about Moroni 7:13. Is it prideful to turn to my own writing for comfort? My thoughts from that day are such a good reminder to me of my work and life as a mother. That's why I write these things down, so I can remember them and review them later when I need them again. Here's the thought from that entry: Everything that invites us to do good continually and to love and serve God is inspired of God. Motherhood definitely invites me to do good! As a mother, all that I do for my kids is God's work, whether it's changing nasty diapers, cooking dinner, diffusing a tantrum, or reading stories. It's all important, it's all good, and it's all of God. 
• I listened to my favorite Mo-Tab album, "Called to Serve", especially the hymns Redeemer of Israel and How Firm a Foundation. Those are POWERFUL words and beautiful music, all three hymns with the shining message to love and serve and to remember Jesus Christ--not only remember his gospel and his example, but also remember that he is always there for us.
• I wrote down my feelings and impressions--for me, that's always an incredible way to invite the Spirit to confirm what I've been taught already and to teach me more. The more I try to figure out how to write down what an impression really meant, the more I learn from the Spirit. It has taken me nearly two hours (interrupted at regular intervals by Amber) to siphon these thoughts out of my heart, through my head, and onto paper (well, into typed words). In the classic Shaina style, the more I pondered my one small beginning thought, the more it bloomed and grew into hundreds of words. 

From Elder Holland's beloved, eloquent talk:
"no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child...To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle--and all will--I say, "Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love 'never faileth.' I can pay no higher tribute to anyone."
LAAAA! Balm, pure, soothing balm.

Sometimes life is rough and you just need to be held.

While I was listening to How Firm a Foundation, I felt such peace and comfort. I have always loved the way that bold hymn so gracefully states simple truths. My heart was soothed and I felt the impression come to me that I have a firm foundation of faith and missing church to care for a sick baby will not affect my foundation. In fact, in a way, missing church to care for a sick baby is another way to keep the Sabbath day holy. Motherhood is a divine calling and I am fulfilling that calling when I take care of my kids--even if it requires me to miss church. Motherhood requires us to give everything we can think of, then everything else too, over and over. Learning how to sacrifice not only big things but also small things is refining. I wish I was better at it! Of course I'm not saying that staying home from church with kids all the time is the best way to keep the Sabbath day holy, but it was a very calming uplifting thought that staying home from church for the right reasons "counts," you know?

Then there's the promise found in Isaiah 41:10, beautifully sung in How Firm a Foundation verse 3:

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

That is a true powerhouse of a hymn and scripture, and such pure, TRUE words. I know he will help, strengthen, and comfort us every time we ask in faith.

While I was writing this, Amber was in and out of my lap. Writing about all of this has helped me remember to STOP and just hold her when she needs me. The hymn "I am a Child of God" was playing when Amber fell and started crying. She got up and stagger-walked over to me in her bow-legged one year old way, her cries changing into that relieved chuckle-moan sound the closer she got to me, like she was thinking "if I can just make it a few more steps to Mama, I will be alright." I turned toward her and held out my arms, waiting and watching her stumble across the room into my arms. I picked her up and squeezed her and patted her, kissed her and hugged her. She calmed down and just sat with me for a bit before squiggling down and toddling off again. Listening to the words of "I am a Child of God while that small everyday little occurrence happened really hit me in the heart. My thoughts zoomed out and I could just see Heavenly Father turning toward me with his arms out, waiting for me to stumble back into them. Being a parent is such a refining, sanctifying, godly experience! Too often I shy away from such strong words because they seem overly sentimental. Elder Holland wields such strong words masterfully--maybe that's why I feel so intimidated by attempting to use them, haha. It is worthwhile and helpful to stop and reflect on what I DO every day and what it means. When I do that, it makes me feel like so much more than "just a mom."

Ok, another Amber tale from today: Amber came over to me, whimpering and holding a Little People toy person. I decided to try and distract her from whatever was bothering her, so I took the toy and stuck it in the pocket on her dress. She looked at me in such wonder--clearly thinking "where'd it go, Mama?" I pulled it out and then put it back into her pocket. She grabbed the toy through her pocket and looked up at me with an expression full of amazement and excitement--a big grin lit with awe. In that moment I thought how much FUN it is to watch my kids discover things for the first time, and to show them new things. Zoom out: I can see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ feeling that same joyful FUN feeling I just had, every time I discover for the first time something that they planned or created, whether it's admiring a gorgeous view or deepening my understanding of the gospel.

Parenthood is the most godly experience we can ever have on this earth. I am so thankful for it, even when it keeps me home from church. :)

 Friday night is family movie night: it was a pizza picnic and Toy Story in the basement this week. I forgot how much I love those movies. We were all so into it that we watched Toy Story 2 on Saturday night, with pizza and a picnic again. Good thing I made a double batch of pizza crust!

Ah, the exhausted, exhausting chaos of family scripture reading at bedtime. 

Sisters

We are winding down the last few months of Rose's 100% at -home time before she heads off to kindergarten this fall, and I have a whole lot of feelings about it. She turns five in 3 weeks and starts kindergarten in 8 months--later this year! Amidst the challenges of caring for such a strong spirited little human, I have been making an effort to notice and appreciate Rose's self in all her intensity and connect more with her sweet nature. One thing that I always default to in my-babies-are-leaving-me crises are PICTURES! This week we have had some turbulent moments but an equal, if not greater number of sweet, darling, picture-worthy moments. I'm doing my best to navigate through all of it.

 What are the odds that Amber's hand-me-down pants (from baby Rose, 4 years ago) look so similar to Rose's current Costco pants? Striped pants sisters photo shoot--check!

 

Cute striped pants smiles notwithstanding, we had a rather rough start to our week on Monday. After I dropped Jay off at school, the girls and I went straight to a nearby park so Rose could play while I ran laps around the playground and Amber watched from the stroller. I've done it before, so this was nothing new.

The snow was melted so even though it was wet, it was only in the high 30s outside. Right when I started running, Rose dashed over and slid down the slide, which happened to be very wet. She soaked her little bum, straight through her jeans and started crying about it. I gave her various options, over and over: run around and play to warm up, go to the van to warm up, or pull down your pants and sit on a blanket in the van to warm up. Those were the three solutions to her coldness and I rotated through the list over and over each time I passed Rose's crying form while I jogged my small 1-minute circles around the park. Rose stood, storming and sobbing more loudly every time I suggested one. In between entreaties, I marveled at the girl's stamina. She cried for my entire 31 minute run.

We had some impressively circular conversations: "I'm cold!" --then go sit in the van to warm up! "But I don't want to sit on my cold pants!" --then go into the van and pull down your pants and wrap up in a blanket to warm up! "But I'm too cold!" [foot stomp/thrash/scream] Our circumlocution went on and on, round and round. It was so comical that although my patience was tested, it wasn't drained. Rose's eyes were all puffy and she was crying even when I finished running and we got into the van. She would not sit down in the van so I had to climb back there, pick her up while in a crouch and hoist-lift Rose into her seat while she screamed in my face. I yanked her jeans down halfway and wrapped her bum in a blanket and then buckled her in as she cried LOUDLY in my face. She cried all the way home.

She finally stopped crying after one last dramatic freak out over the removal of her wet jeans in the basement at home. She put on some sweats and then snuggled her whole self--head and all--under her fleece cow blanket on the floor in the hallway. It was such a ROSE moment! Sheer stubborness in the face of logical solutions, and a determination to have her cry. That girl! Jeff and I enjoyed a cozy parental chuckle when I elaborated and acted out the story for him later that night. Nobody appreciates a child's antics like the parents do!

 Standing in the van, mid cry.

Later that same Monday, Amber decided to follow her big sister's example and have a good long cry for herself. Mondays, seriously.

Amber had yogurt for dinner that night, and was rather pleased with herself when I gave her the bowl and spoon with a few bites left for her to paint with.

On Wednesday, we decided to visit Monsieur Blanc at his classroom. He has his planning period mid-morning. Rose lost no time in having Daddy trace her on his butcher paper--her favorite part about his classroom. Amber had fun gathering as many high-schooler germs as possible in the 40 minutes we were there. I tried not to think about it while Jeff and I talked and enjoyed an out-of-the-ordinary midday break. 

These girls love their Daddy.  It was SO CUTE when Amber saw Jeff walking towards her across the parking lot when we arrived at the high school. She lit up and started squirming in my arms and leaning toward him. I could just tell she couldn't believe  her luck, getting to see Daddy in the middle of the day! Amber loves her dada. Jeff and I both love it when Amber does her affectionate "head lean"--when one of us is holding her, she presses her head onto us. When she's facing outward, she leans her head back and presses the back of her head into Jeff's or my shoulder/chest. When she's facing inward while we hold her, she lays her head on a shoulder and hooks her little arms around our shoulders in a surprisingly strong little monkey-grip. It is adorable and endearing. 

While I was making dinner on Wednesday, Amber was cranky until she discovered that I had left the cabinet with the kitchen trash can unlocked, and she proceeded to rummage through the trash can, found Jay's recently discarded apple core, and walked around, happily munching and drooling sticky apple chunks all over the house. Letting the baby eat trash on the carpet was preferable to listening to a crying baby while I was cooking! Third child.  

This morning, the storms of last night had subsided. When we got home from dropping Jay off at school, Rose and Amber quietly retreated to their happy places. Rose got out her markers and coloring book. Amber climbed onto a kid chair at the play kitchen. They spent at least half an hour in their respective spots, happily doing what they love. Little girls are such dears!

 That Wub. I usually try to only let her have it in bed, but she's been so miserable and congested and growing molars lately, that she is so much happier with it all the time. So I risk losing the thing (it's our only one, and I refuse to buy another one this late in the game) and the baby stays happy.

Rose in her element, marker in hand. She looked up at the opportune moment and I managed to capture this gem of a Rose-face. Most of the pictures I get of her smile these days are of her fake smile or her goofy smile, but this is the essence of Rose: mischievous, fun-loving, artistic, intense, and beautiful.