The Talk

Saturday, April 13, 2019 journal: Jay, Rose, Amber, and I happened to all be sitting at the table eating lunch together today (Jeff was out running), so I took the opportunity to slip in our almost-daily Come Follow Me mini lesson. Teaching always works best in our family when it feels natural and is not forced or contrived. This time I was super sneaky and didn't even look at the book. I had already looked it over earlier this morning, so I was ready to teach gospel principles on the sly. Muahahahaa!


"Why do we have keys?" I asked the kids. They gave their various answers and then I talked briefly about how the priesthood keys have been restored to the earth to direct the church and how the priesthood unlocks the way back to God through ordinances. Then I told Rose that women have babies so they help people enter the world and boys have the priesthood to help people exit the world, or return to live with God.*

Then Rose said thoughtfully, "if a man and a woman kiss, but don't get married, is it possible for them to have a baby?"

Suddenly we were not talking about the priesthood anymore!

The question had finally come. Over the years, we have had other variations of this conversation explaining how babies are born and how in order to make a baby, a sperm from a man has to fertilize an egg in a woman. Two years ago, we gave Jay The Boy Body Book (which focuses on puberty in boys, nothing else). He read it, and said he didn't have any questions. (Yay! Haha). Rose and I discussed menstrual cycles for the first time just last week. Our everyday nondescript conversation had a hole in it and I simply filled the confusion with information.

I have tried to use correct names for body parts as much as possible, and that paid off today. As a parent, it has always been my goal to treat sensitive topics as calmly and as matter-of-fact-ly as possible. Instead of just telling my kids they can always ask me questions, I want them to feel that they can always ask me questions.

Still, I have always dreaded "The Talk," ever since Jay was born. I remember feeling exceedingly awkward when my mom gave me "The Talk," and afterwards I felt too embarrassed to ask questions or mention the topic ever again. Maybe that was just my personality as a kid, maybe my mom was embarrassed too and I picked up on it, who knows. All I know is that I want more of an open dialog with my kids because the world these days is an ambiguous scary place and I want my kids to have a comfortable secure person to turn to with all of their questions. I decided never to have The Talk officially and instead, just work the information into a normal natural conversation. Today it happened.

Back to Rose's question at the lunch table today: I took a deep mental deep breath and then dove in, explaining how reproduction and the law of chastity work. I kept it brief and as matter-of-fact as possible: "You know how boys have p--- and girls have v---? The p--- goes into the v--- to put sperm in so the egg inside the woman can be fertilized. It's called s--- intercourse.** It is possible to do it without being married, but we believe in following the law of chastity, which means we only do it with the person we are married to. Heavenly Father and Jesus want kids to have a married mom and dad so they can be a family."

"Are babies ever born without married parents?" asked Jay.

"Yes," I replied, "it happens often these days, and it's very sad. It's best to have a married mom and dad in a family, but for lots of reasons sometimes that doesn't happen. It is much harder for families with only one parent, but Jesus still loves them. He can help them be happy, and we can love them just like Jesus does."

Whew. I was proud of myself for staying calm and normal. I hope my explanation made sense. Amber sat there paging through a book the entire time, not saying a word. It was equally likely that she was in her own little world ignoring our conversation or she was listening to every single word carefully. We never can tell with that girl, until she suddenly pipes in with a relevant intelligent comment. A few seconds after my explanation, a slightly concerned, slightly overwhelmed Jay asked "did Daddy do that to you?" Then Rose asked "how do you do it?" I kept calm and answered yes to Jay and "that's something you get to figure out when you get married" to Rose.

Another day, another impromptu important moment molding my children into well-adjusted, informed human beings. Oh, parenthood.


*Note A: My favorite explanation of male/female roles is The Two Trees by V. H. Cassler.

**Note B: I didn't type out the full descriptive words here because I don't want those topics to be associated with my blog on the internet. I already have this blog on the "unsearchable" setting so it doesn't show up in search results, but it seems like the safest plan is to leave out the actual buzz words just in case.

 The canal is full and the grass is green: i's springtime at the White house.

Jay asked me out on a library date this afternoon. As if he needed another way into my heart.

Jeff asked Rose on a Saturday afternoon movie date today. They saw Captain Marvel. I implored them to take a selfie at the movies to document their sweet daddy-daughter-date, and Rose helped Jeff remember. Amby didn't have a parent date today, but she did get at least seven books read to her by both of her parents, so it was still a good day.

I made enchiladas for dinner, and let the picky kids (Jay and Amber) have peanut butter Nutella sandwiches instead.